A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have just split with my boyfriend of 2 yrs and I still love him but we just cant agree on so many topics.I chose to end the relationship.I have just heard that my niece who is also a close friend has now started to see him, this has caused all sorts of problems in my family. I just wont speak to her anymore and i think her behaviour has been really bad.I think family should always come first whats worse is she has now told him stuff that I told her in confidence.What would you do.Im just so upset i cant think straight.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Hi there,I absolutely agree with the comments left by the previous answer - do not give them the satisfaction of letting them know how upset you are. Your family must be aware of how this must be hurting you, and should surely be on your side in this. However you should not share your hurt with them if there is any way this will be relayed back to them. You should also stay away from them both and not put yourself in any awkward positions. You must come first at this difficult time. I can imagine how hurtful this must be for you, your neice should be ashamed of herself. Perhaps she was always envious of you, and being with your ex is a way of being more like you. I very much doubt this fling will develop into anything more, so you need to sit tight and not do anything which you might later regret. If your ex still has feelings for you, this could be his way of getting back at you and making you jealous. Either way, keep your distance and do not call or contact them to find out what's going on. You should also make sure you look lovely before you leave the house..you never know when you will bump into them, or meet your future boyfriend. If your ex is seeing your neice, he is completely out of order,a nd truly not worth your pain or tears. Let them get on with their sordid and tacky little affair, while you get on with meeting someone fantastic!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Oh poor you. That is awful. I'm so sorry. Family should come first and it is just bizarre that your niece would have so little respect for you to even think about doing this. And your boyfriend too. They both must know that this is killing you. They are both very disrespectful and insensitive. When I look at my aunts and their partners, I see an uncle, like family. It would never cross my mind to date them. It would be like incest.
Well the best advice that I can give to you because I feel that it is very important for you to know and follow is this. As hard as this may be for you to do, DO NOT let them know that it bothers you. (I know this sounds absurd but please read on). I am not saying be fake and nice to them, NO. Be stern, be yourself just don't let it show that it bothers you. Don't talk about it. Don't bring it up. Don't give them dirty looks. Don't contact them. Because I get the feeling that your grief is feeding their interest in each other. They are both jerks and they don't deserve the pleasure that it would give them to see you upset about all this. And try not to talk to your family about your grief. Because then it will get back to them.
Every single time that you feel upset and angry and want to raise hell, repeat this phrase over and over: "Don't give them the pleasure!" Don't give them what they want. I know your angry. Be a cool angry woman. Act like you could care less. And if you have to ask "but why? I need to get my feelings out! I should confront them! Insult them! Talk this out!" Stop yourself and remember that acting like you give a shit (neither of them are worth you giving a shit for) is only going to give them PLEASURE. So tell your self "DON'T GIVE THEM THE PLEASURE."
This has helped me get over countless jerks while keeping my integrity intact. In fact they always regret it. And you will feel like the strongest woman in the world for handling yourself with so much strength and integrity in such a tough time.
But don't worry about the future outcome of this right now (whether they will regret it or whatever). Just focus on the present and on what you have to tell yourself to get through this day by day.
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