A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've never had orgasm during intercourse, but previous boyfriends were always bothered, and tried harder to make me come, but my current boyfriend seems doesn't really care.We've been together for a month, and we've never really talked about sex between us, and he never asked me why I never have orgasm...does it mean he doesn't care about me that much?
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female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I think you should just say while laying in bed kissing, whisper, "Go down on me."
I would also like to mention how lucky you are that you can orgasm when given oral b/c I cannot, only through intercourse. That just goes to show how different we all are. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You should not feel shy about telling him how you feel or what you would like to try. My wife used to tell me what she wanted and liked when we were dating and we always talk about what we want to do sexually. She told me what we liked shortly after we started dating. Some of my past girlfriends did the same. I liked knowing what I could do to make sex better for them.
I gather that he is not giving you oral sex. Since you do it to him then it is only fair that he do the same for you. I don't know how many guys like giving oral sex to women, but I know that I like it a lot and other guys on this board have said the same thing. He needs to do it for you to make your sexual experience better. Suggest, not demand, that he do it for you. If he doesn't want to then you have to ask him why not. Tell him that you are not having orgasms and that you need to try new things to make sex better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your answers, it does help a lot. In my mind, I thought the only reason would be was he's selfish, and doesn't care much about my feelings, but from the way he treats me, I doubt that's the reason.
I forgot to mention, I'm not from here, and he's British. In my culture, we don't use to talk a lot about sex, so I still feel a bit shy to tell him how I feel. I even get annoyed myself that I can't get orgasm during sex, but only when receiving oral, but I will be too embrassed to tell him that...is it normal or will the guy judge the girl if girl tells the guy she wants receiving oral? oh, I do give him oral most of the time though...
Thanks a lot!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): My wife and I talked about this a couple of times and she has told me that a lot of her past boyfriends seemed like they could care less if she had an orgasm. This was 30 years ago when she was dating around after her first marriage and maybe guys are different now, but she said that many of the guys just wanted to screw and not bother much with foreplay or oral and just cared about getting themselves off.
When I was your age, I was also not very good at being a good lover and I don't think my first wife had many orgasms. After she left me, I started to care a lot more about the woman's pleasure and my wife has told me that I cared more and tried harder than any of her previous boyfriends, so men can change.
Hopeful Romantic said: "so I don't know if that goes away when you are together after a while or what."
It didn't for me. Actually, I now try harder to give my wife multiple orgasms than I ever did before and we have been together for 29 years. I used to be happy to give her 1 oral plus 1 with intercourse and now I try to give her 4 or 5 if possible sometimes. Not always though, as we do sometimes have quickies, at least relatively quick. Our love making did fade a bit in the middle years, but I never forgot to give her an orgasm before I had mine. I would think of boring things to last long enough to allow her to orgasm and think of sexual things to get excited again after she had one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): If you don't tell him then how is he going to know? Communication is a very important part of a sexual relationship and if you are old enough to be having sex then surely you are old enough to be talking about it with each other. You need to tell him how you feel; I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks you are having an orgasm if you don't tell him otherwise. It's him you need to speak to, not us. Good luck.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 September 2008):
 It means he's selfish. And yes, he cares more about himself than he does about you.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (17 September 2008):
In my opinion, he either hasn't noticed, or thinks that you do have them. If he has noticed that you're not having them, he is probably just embarassed to ask why. But, I have a feeling that he doesn't even know you're not having one - maybe he has never given a girl one so he doesn't know the difference... not sure, but I hope I didn't upset you with that thought.
I know when I first got with my boyfriend he was always concerned about giving me one, but not any more - he doesn't try to last to make it happen for me, he just gets himself off and that's that... I haven't gotten mad yet because sometimes I have one and sometimes I don't, but he definately does not say, "I don't want to stop until you cumb." any more. ... so I don't know if that goes away when you are together after a while or what.
I think you need to try to figure out how to have one... maybe play with yourself first so you'll be more aroused for him, or find something to think about during sex that will help make that happen for you?????
OR the next time you two are having sex, if you think he is about to cumb, say something like, "Oh... I am almost there." ... maybe that will help get the point across. Good luck.
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