A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I would really appreciate you helping me play psychologist here. I'm going to tell you about the guy I've been with for the past four years and I'd appreciate your thoughts on what you think about his characteristics, why he does what he does and what kind of person he really is. Because I feel like I never really knew him.Ok, so he is 31 and lives with his parents. The entire time we were going out, he 'pretended' to look for a place for us but it never eventuated. His mother would fuss over him, do his laundry. We never had any time alone because she was always sticking her head in his room. Instead of meeting me for lunch during workdays, a lot of the time he would go home for his lunch. When he got there, I would meet him there sometimes, and I would see that his parents would lay his lunch out for him, all cooked and made fresh and he would sit down and eat away as if the VIP treatment was just expected!Last Christmas he opened his presents from his parents and I watched him just open each parcel, emotionless, without any sign of gratitude. He just opened them (again) as if it was just expected that they would shower him with gifts. There was no, "Oh thank you so much guys, this is wonderful!" You know what I mean..The entire time I knew him, he would get moody with them and very short. He would storm away from them if he had a debate with his father and say, "For F*CK sake, if you don't want to listen than I'm not going to bother!" I always saw this dark side to him when he was around his parents. They used to ask me about his life when he wasn't around (or had stormed off) because they said he tells them nothing.Don't get me wrong. He wasn't a total asshole. He bought them beautiful gifts on special occasions and he did a lot of work for them and took care of them in general, they are quite elderly.. but he always seemed so spoilt, like a pippy schoolkid.Jobwise, this guy was basically forced to leave his job that he had been in for years because his boss insisted that his staff were afraid of him (he was in a manager's role) and his boss said he was just a control freak. This was just really weird, and his behaviour went downhill after this happened.This guy is incredibly incredibly intelligent, was always the top of his class at school. Suddenly being without a job, he became even more moody and withdrawn.I completely trusted this man while I was with him. I never looked on his phone (as it never went off) and when he was clicking around on it, he said he was playing games. I never had reason to question that. I trusted him. He had many extracurricular things he did, freelancing in his spare time, he did a lot of work for his parent's business, I never really had reason to question where he was. He was very private about everything in his life. For instance, he knew all my computer/email passwords.. because I had nothing to hide. He would never tell me any of his (so I could log onto his computer and check my mail etc). It was always something he never told me. Once I saw a bank statement of his and he got so angry with me. I never even got a chance to see much of what was on it. But he HATED me looking into his things, not that I ever did except that one time by accident.I never knew how much money he earnt. He used to take business trips alone, for a month here and there.. while he travelled the world. It was always at a time when I couldn't take leave from work, but he always had some conference he was going to.When I used to pick him up from his work for lunch, he would have me meet him out the back of the building, so he had to go to the back of the office and walk out through their massive carpark to get to me.Well I've just found out that for most of the time we've been together, he's been juggling me with another girl. I'm deflated to say the least.. but all these signs I ignored.. hmm I just can't believe how blinded I was. He never really gave me much reason to love him as much as I did.. not after the first year anyway.I just want to know what you think about what I've said. The characteristics, the extreme privacy. Does this sound like the personality of a control freak, or a pathological lier? Or does this sound like a man who is struggling with clinical depression? ThanksChelsea
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): you are only treated the way you allow your self to be treated. get out of this awful relationship.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 He is a control freak , a pathological lier and suffering from clinical depressions.
Living with a control freak is tough. The thing with control freaks is that you can't live with them, but you may not be able to live without them either.That's the irony.
To others , he can be at his best behaviours and friends would not know his controlling nature. It is like a Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde personality.
If you want to keep this relationship , you would have to learn how to live with them (Google for - Control freaks)
If he can have mutual understanding and openness with each other , there is hope for this type of relationship.
If you have had enough, you should kick him to the curb before he becomes an obsessive control freaks.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
I wasn't surprised to find out that he had been juggling you with another girl to be honest. It sums him up. He had two girlfriends, he has a mother running around after him and he just seems to think he's King of the Castle. His problem is that he's never had to do anything for himself and he's just become to damn big for his own boots! He's a liar and a control freak. Maybe he is suffering from depression. But to me he just sounds like a bully who's always had it his own way. The best thing you can do is just stay away from him.
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