A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I just met this guy at university a week ago and we get along really well. We have the EXACT same tastes in music its unbelievable...so much that I wonder if hes lieing when he says he likes all of the same music as me. We have talked about all sorts of things that usualy I wouldnt be able to talk to someone until having known them for a while. We have talked about our past relatiosnhips, lots of topics that show our values and morals and opinions on important stuff. He pretty much matches me. We have similar values and morals which I think is a key point in a relationship in making it work.However despite all this...im afraid that he is just puting on a fake act! My past bf did this. After only knowing him for a week i stupidly agreeed to go out wiht him and 2 weeks later we were bf and gf. 12 months later down the track his true colours were completely shown and he was emotionaly abusive to me, and dindt have any of the same values or morals as what i did, which he lead me to believe in the first place.I know that with this guy i should wait and get to know him. But what if he can put on an act for a long time? How do I ever know when its safe that a person is being there true self? He told me he likes me alot and would like to date me but I said that I need to get to know him a bit better and he totaly understood.Im just afraid that I wont see the early warning signs once again and history will repeat itself.In a way my gut feels that this new guy is alot like my ex. Just that after only knowing him for a week he tells me how he feels about me so soon, as so did my ex. Then he tells me all these stories about how his past gfs and have treated him badly...my ex did this too and even made up a lie about his ex tryign to rape him! I beleived him of course. And then he just happens to have all the same music taste...makes me think that maybe hes lieing...not a good sign. I jsut dont know if im being paranoid now or not? How do I know the difference between paranoia and having a genuine worry? I dont want to let someone who could be great go due to paranoia but at the same time I dont want to give him a chance only to be hurt badly.What do u guys think?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 If I get you right, you're afraid that this guy will also be "too good to be true" and will hurt you again.
I can understand you are careful. However, don't let your fear ruin a relationship that could be good. You met him only a week ago. That's not enough time to really know a person. Take your time to determine what his "true colors" are; don't suppose he's a bastard just yet. Keep in mind that, right now, you are just getting to know him.
You are doing the right thing in discussing your values and ways to be. Yes, that's important for a relationship.
Be careful: the fact that he has the same music taste is no indication that he is lying to you. I would expect him to be different from you in many respects, and maybe music just isn't one of them.
In the longer run, you are bound to find faults in a person. No one is made exactly to your tastes, and rightly so. When you find something you don't like, his "true colors", don't suppose he was lying, either. Maybe the time had not been enough.
Also, I suppose you're young since you're studying. You're bound to find a lot of bad apples; just have the courage to keep going no matter what. Don't close the door to every relationship just because your ex was very bad.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Hi Sheila
Only known him for a week? That's just not enough time to get to know someone, so give him more time. Maybe he's trying to impress you, or maybe not.
I guess the only thing I can suggest is for you to ask a few questions of him on different subjects and see what his answers are. If you tell him what music you like it's easy for him to follow suit.
Your gut instinct is to see him as a bit of a 'yes man', and you're unsure of his motives, so for the time being I wouldn't get too involved and keep him at arms length just in case he turns out to be a plonker.
Phil
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