A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know it's another teacher situation but help would be much appreciated …I’ve had a pretty rough year – the loss of my Nan triggered a huge bout of depression which hasn’t really left me but through it all I’ve had my teacher helped me through. I’m not ‘in love’ with him, but I have very strong feelings for him all I think about is him and almost everything reminds me of him. I try to push him away – but I physically can’t cope without him.Recently I collapsed at school, he abandoned his lessons and stayed with me for 2 hours to make sure I was ok. He’s given me permission to leave class and find him if I ever need him, and when we are alone together he pats my arm, leg, shoulder, hugs me and calls me ‘baby’Now my friend are starting to suggest that our relationship is inappropriate for a student and teacher and I can’t help but think I’ve never done anything inappropriate or anything to lead him on – does this mean he likes me? This is making me feel even more depressed because my friends are threatening to tell another teacher about us two and I can’t imagine what would happen then but then again nothing has happened has it? Is what he does inappropriate? He means SO much to me, I can’t explain, I don’t think I fancy him but there is defiantly something between us we can spend hours talking after school about our private lives, hope and fears and plans for the future.I realise your probably shaking your head thinking what an insecure naïve girl but I’d really appreciate some help ‘cos I’m seriously confused!!! … thank you xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I know what you mean - I have a similar relationship with one of my teachers and he means the world to me - well, compared to the other people I socialise with, at least. Mentally I've adopted him as a sort of part-time surrogate father; we can talk about anything, he's been there for me along with the head of pastoral care when I finally admitted some dreadful things that had happened to me, we lend each other things and he even drives me home.I've never had any form of crush on him but friends and so-called observers are quite vocal (embarrassingly so in other lessons) that we are both in love with each other and pursue some illicit relationship.In addendum, I may as well point out that he is gay, and I am rather confident that I am female - the shower I had earlier reassured me.To avoid any more contretemps the best thing to do in these kind of situations is to do what I did: Swallow your pride (or whatever you can loosely title it) and your extreme embarrassment/nervousness and approach him about it yourself. That way he can talk to your friends, establish any possible future misunderstandments with a senior head of authority in case such accusations arise again, and even let he himself step aside and possibly reconsider any mild friendly gestures that are considered unethical between student and teacher such as hugging.Hope I have been of help
A
female
reader, nicole5178  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 He's not 'taking advantage of you' or anything like some of the previous posts have mentioned. He's trying to be a nice guy, and you are in need. All he's doing is trying to help, and through your interactions, he's become attatched to you--but I don't think it's in a romantic way.
I've stayed a couple hours after school with my teacher who I'm friends with (he's male; I'm female), and it's not weird--it's just friendship. He feels attatched to me, as do I him. If anyone ever tells him he's a bad teacher b/c he goes through the material too fast, I'm the first one to defend him, and he's defended me a few times. It's natural to have friendships and feel connected to the other person.
Tell your friends they don't understand. If they do report him, the school's going to ask your parents if they've okay-ed you staying after to talk with him and such, and the adminstration's also going to make sure they know the nature of your relationship--the nicknames and open door to you whenever you need it. If your parents say that they know, that they trust him, that nothing inappropriate is happening, and that they approve of you being friends with him, then the school will say 'alright' and drop the charges. It's important that your parents can make that statement. Otherwise, yeah it is wrong, since you're underage.
But honesty and openess have nothing to hide, so don't be afraid of other people finding out you stay with him sometimes. You're not doing anything wrong. And he's not doing anything wrong. He's your friend--don't feed him to the wolves, and don't overthink his actions. He's just trying to be a nice guy, and he's being accused of very bad things. Don't let that happen to him. You care about him, right?
Just don't let this get out of hand. Use caution and good judgement, but ask yourself if you really think he's a threat. If you don't think so, then chances are you're right, because you're the only one who really knows the whole story. I've reported a teacher for sexual misconduct before, so you'll just have to trust my experience, but please if nothing else, just remember: Don't do something that could make you lose his friendship because you'll regret it forever.
...Hope that helped you. Feel free to message me if you want more specific advice. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): of course he is taking advantage of your weak moments. Stay away from him before this gets out of hand.you don't want to be the talk of the school trust me. i have fallen for my maths teacher and my friends at first thought it was funny then they threatening to tell him but now they see that they would be braking my heart so they are stick by me
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (13 March 2008):
 If I knew who this blok was, I'd punch him. He's obviously taking advantage of your weak moments. Stay away from him before this gets out of hand. He'll lose his job, you'll lose a teacher and be the talk of the school! You DON'T want that. Plus, it'll put your family in so much stress.
Unwanted.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Hi Hunny
He is the one touching you love and calling you baby, So yea on his part its not right...You needed someone to talk to so because of your loss and the depression you became close to this teacher, But he is crossing the line here, Its all good being supportive of you but not touching you and calling you baby. That gives of other impressions, So if you can talk tell him he has been so helpfull when you have been vunerable (use those words he will no what it means) And your very gratefull for his support...And then mention what your friends are thinking of doing and see what his reaction is hunny..You have been vunerable and he may have taken advantage of this hunny..Im sending you a link on grieving as ive lost people close to me over the last few years and I no how the depression can creep in its not nice....
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/mosby_factsheets/Bereavement.htm
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php
There is one to help with depression as well hunny I hope you sort this out...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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