A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,me and my girlfriend were talking and i said asian people (like japanese, chinese) have stupid names/stupid-sounding names. she then called me a racist and was extremely upset and hootin' and hollerin'. i kept on telling her that i'm not a racist towards asian people but she held her ground and insisted that i'm a racist.is this rational? what do you guys think about this? am i a racist b/c of what i said? btw, my girlfriend is not asian, she's white. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Some where in Asia, there is a young couple sitting having a similar conversation. The young man has just heard your name and has told his girlfriend that it's funny that Westerners choose names for their children that sound like "elephant nasal discharge out of grasshopper penis."
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You used the word "stupid" which carries a judgement with it, and revealed yourself to be a rather provincial and close-minded individual in your 'worldview.' I might argue that you technically don't have a 'worldview' as you have completely failed to take into account differences in culture.
Perhaps, upon some reflection, you might be able to acknowledge that a less provocative observation would have been, "It's interesting that certain Asian names sound funny to Western ears." That would have made you sound like a guy who is interested in learning about the world, rather than one who has decided that his opinion is the only one that matters.
Like if I were to say to my husband after reading your post, 'boy, are there some small-minded hicks in this country.' Words have meanings and power. Use them wisely.
A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (2 July 2010):
I think it was a bit rude but i dont think its racist i'd have laughed if i was there, racist is a strong word, if you chose not to sit next to someone on the bus because they were black thats racist, if you insult them because of their colour/religion thats racist but everyone all over the world will have a stupid name to someone else
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 July 2010):
 The context of what we say and when we say it are important. Although, saying asian origin names sound "Stupid" is a bit harsh. It makes you appear very narrow minded and a bit of a biggot. You may not be racist in how you act toward others, but you definitely hold some racist views.Something like "their names sound silly to me" is a tiny difference over what you said, but a huge difference in the way it is perceived.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 ps. darren2040, I know an asian guy named Dick. Another named Candy, and another Bong. Yes, it is funny!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 July 2010):
I don't think that was racist, although perhaps a little narrow minded and definitely rude. But people say rude jokes all the time. I would have probably laughed when you said that. Others, like your girlfriend, get offended. So watch out for what type of audience you have, not all jokes fit everyone.
Same goes for telling degrading jokes to guy friends, they aren't always (or most definitely not) apprechiated by a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Sorry but you are. Just because your girlfriend is white doesn't mean she has to like what you said.
If you had said names that sound strange to you, instead of using the word stupid, this would not be racist but a statement about how you find something hard to accept.
You might like to think about how also Asian people may find certain things about you hard to accept.
Hope this helps. At least you are questioning whether or not you are racist, so it sounds like you don't want to be.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Somewhere in the streets of Shanghai, Beijing or Tokyo, a man is telling his girlfriend that white people have stupid/stupid-sounding names. Cultures are different, y'know. Names sound stupid because we have no idea what they mean.
'Racist' is a strong word. "Intellectually deficient" might be closer to the truth.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 She's over reacting. It's all contextual.
A world in which you wouldn't be able to mention that something seems funny to you during a private conversation with your girlfriend would be a terrible place to live.
That said, if you start saying that kind of thing in a group setting then people will think that you are foolish at best, maybe something worse and of course if you were to say it in a jeering way in front of the people that you're talking about then you would be well over the line. There are few absolutes. It is all a question of how and when and where.
I live in China, my wife is Chinese and my kids are half chinese, well over half my favorite people are Chinese and I speak Chinese I wouldn't dream of being racist to Chinese people (there are a lot more of them than there are of me!) but you know some people particularly in Hong Kong, where they speak cantonese, do have some wild names. Son of a friend of ours is called Fat Ho. There is no getting around the fact that that is a funny name. When he went to university in America he changed his name to Frankie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Obviously she would have got mad. The way you said those words seems as though u were practically saying how much you dislike the asians. Smetimes you should think before you speak. You shouldn't have said that,you shouldn't have. Serves you right for landing yourseld in this situation
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A
female
reader, Moonserenade +, writes (2 July 2010):
 It's not racist but it is mean. Asian people could take offense to that - good thing you're girlfriend isn't asian. It would be like saying all Americans are fat, ugly and lazy.
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A
male
reader, darren2040 +, writes (2 July 2010):
Hi I'm actually Japanese and people find it hard to pronounce my name, accurately that is. It is true that Asian names sometimes sound funny. I don't find anything racist with what you said though. Funny sounding names aren't only limited to Asians though if I may say so. Ever see that movie "Meet the Fockers"?
Anyway, maybe your girlfriend is sensitive about the subject but if you explained to her that you find other names funny too maybe she'd calm down. Like how I think someone named Dick is unfortunate.
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