A
female
age
26-29,
*ngel5395
writes:Last year, I got to know a guy in my class, S (lets call him that for now) We hit it right off and became really good friends. To the extent that we had people asking us every few days "are you guys going out?" Our friendship progressed and we started talking dirty on the phone (and by dirty i mean DIRTY)We never thought of dating and stuff. Then this guy L asked me out. At first I didnt like him but I said yes because i wanted to get to know him. I fell for him big time. Then one day me and S were passing notes in class and someone took the note and gave it to L who was my bf at the time. To be fair to L, the note did make it seem as if me and S were having a thing. Me and L tried working things out but i got dumped two weeks later. Then one evening i went to S' house with my aunt who's his neighbour. We ended up making out. and it progressed to more though and we're kinda friends with benefits now. Now getting over L is relly hard as i see him everyday and things that he said when we broke up keep ringing in my head. and S on the other hand talks to me less nowadays but he looks at me a lot in class. I got pissed at him because he only talks when he needs something from me.Im confused. What do i do about S? and i really want L back though im not too sure it'll work out after all that happned and am i a slut? thinking over that evening and what followed, i think L is right :(
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female
reader, angel5395 +, writes (28 April 2011):
angel5395 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot guys i really appreciate the advice.actually the note that was being passed around was mostly him making fun of me. he kept teasing me about my commitment issues and i kept bugging him about some girl who had a thing for him.Also i over reacted about the whole him using me part because he was actually unaware entirely of what the exact cause of the break up as it transpired between me and L and was guilty when he found out about it and that was after our make out session. he also asked me out saying he didnt want any guy to make a claim for me or hurt me the way L did.Im even more confused now :S
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 First of all...I am unsure of why you would be talking to someone really dirty on the phone when there is nothing between you two??? So you spoke dirty with a guy you were not involved with...shortly after hooked up with a guy you were not really attracted to but fell for after you got to know him,...passed notes onto the "talking dirty" guy and then those notes got into the hands of your boyfriend. Now for a guy to break up with you over that...those notes had something in them that HE deemed inappropriate for someone who is just a friend. Now that same person who you said ..you were just friends with ....is now your friend WITH BENFITS!! But while you are having this friend with benefits...you still want that person you lost...Now I am pretty straight up...but that is just plain greedy. You are by no means a slut...but if you are not careful one of your friends or both are no longer going to respect that Queen that you are meant to be. You cannot be flitting your body from guy to guy like that...this nonsens of FWB thing....if your heart belongs to someone else...why are you giving the rest of your body elsewhere...My advise...you like L...you want him back...go and speak to him, ask him to take you back....there isn't any guarantee that he will but at least you will be able to tell him how you feel. And S...leave S where he is...he has realised a long time ago since those dirty phone calls...that you are a book on a shelf that he can pick up and open when he feels like it for his pleasure. He does not respect you. And if he was really your friend, he would have understood that passing THOSE type of notes was not a good idea seeing that you have a boyfriend.Be Blessed....respect yourself and demand it from other people as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Why should one guy commit to you when you're willing to give sexual benefits to another guy for nothing?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 If you think L is right; YOU are the only person who is in control of what you are doing. So stop it! Tell S to take a hike and behave as if you really like L by not flirting and sending notes to other boys in front of him. You can't act that way and expect L to know that you like him; your actions are speaking louder than your words. YOU have to SHOW L that you like him by how you act around him and other boys. Exercise some self control! Most of the drama here is of your own making!
And No; you are not a slut. You are a bit too flirty and a bit too obsessed with the boys in your life at your age. Try turning your focus onto something a bit more constructive. Focusing on good grades and a future career choice while you are in school might be a wiser choice.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 April 2011):
 What did L say when you broke up? The things that keep ringing in your head? Did he call you a slut?
Being a FWB doesn't make you a slut, but your behavior doesn't reflect well on you either. If the note that S was giving you was so bad that L could take it the way he did, then perhaps you need to consider why you thought talking like that with another boy was appropriate at all in the first place.
What do I think about S? I think he's a horny teenage boy who's getting exactly what he wants from you, sex with no strings attached.
Will L take you back? Hell no, not if he has any sense that is. It didn't work, and you screwed it up by being highly inappropriate with S. Why on earth would he want to get back with someone who had zero respect for his relationship with her?
What you need to do is own up to your mistakes, learn from them, and do not repeat them with future boyfriends. Calling you a slut seems harsh to me, but you are the one who has to prove you aren't a slut by your actions going forward. Because it doesn't sound to me like that's who you want to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): My logic tells me that since you draw any amount of emotion out of this situation, that could say for you to avoid this kind of thing altogether and so perhaps youre a relationship type girl. Good luck.
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