A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does the fact that he has difficulty feeling love and empathy mean he's a narcissist?He has admitted to me that he doesn't love easily. He has had several relationships before me (one that lasted 2 years!) and claims that he never loved his previous girlfriends. He said he cared about their well-being, but never loved them. And it took him 2 years to feel love for me...Does his difficulty loving people mean he's a narcissist? I have also seen him easily discard friendships, and not feel much compassion/empathy when other's are struggling. I don't see it with me, but his behavior toward others sometimes concerns me. I'm starting to have doubts, and I think the "love" issue is a red-flag! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Hi
You do have relevant points..but believe me if you were living with a real Narcissist you would have a life of hell, you would be chipped away at untill you loose yourself, you would be manipulated and your perception of reality would be distorted because of the high level of persistent abuse and blame that is put on you. He would spit you out like poison at a whim (every so often at his choice)and for no reason, other than you been at fault. The rage you would also know about and you would live in fear of upsetting him. It is a very very abusive type of relationship.. and i think you would have a lot more to say.
Maybe you have noticed tell tale signs of something else not quite right but i don't think you live with a narcissist.
I hope all works well in the end.
Spunky monkey.:)
A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (2 November 2010):
Honestly, I would be concerned too. I agree with Caring Guy on this one... I think he's spot on. And honestly, why would a guy spend two years with a woman and not love them? That's a long time to spend with someone as he was not only wasting his time, but hers a well. And what a shitty thing to say.. that's cold. Did he tell the ex he loved her? I would have to wonder if he did and now he's telling you he loves you, but doesn't really mean it... maybe the next girl who comes along, he might say the same thing about you. I mean, if he does it to others, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? I know b/c I had one like that. He sounds fickle to me.
I don't have an answer about what you should do, but maybe talk to him about it... does he have a problem with communication? How much do you know about his past?... I mean REALLY know? It could be nothing or it could be something, but don't waste anymore time before you find out. DIG into his past... even if he resists, it's better to know the truth about why he's like that than to waste precious time & find out later that he has MAJOR issues.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
He doesn't sound like a narcissist. It sounds to me as if he has major commitment issues, or issues with insecurity, trust and such. But he's not a narcissist based upon what you've written.
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