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female
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anonymous
writes: Life doesn't seem fair right now. I can't get over my ex who I broke up with a month ago. He wasn't right for me because he was very emotionally abusive, controlling,manipulative, etc. For example, he would get mad if I didn't smoke or drink (when I never did those things to begin with). He also got mad that I wanted to wait til marriage to sleep with him after we had already slept together. He kept saying things like how I must not love him or I must be cheating on him. On top of all this he was 34 and had friends that were girls that were like 13 and 16 and it creeped me out. Anyway, if I know he is so wrong, why do I have this strong feeling of just forgetting and forgiving everything and just going back to him? He has been trying to contact me but I keep telling him to leave me alone and just the other day I got so mad at him for telling me that finally now he wants to wait until marriage to sleep with a girl! Unbelievable! I got so mad and said some things I didn't mean like how I think he is an asshole and that I hate him, and how I will never forgive him and how he will never get married, and how he will get what he deserves. Well, I guess I did mean some of those things, but I probably shouldn't have said it. But I thought it was a good idea to tell him how I really feel and ask him why he treated me so badly. Thing is, he doesn't really see it that way. He keeps saying how he hopes I realize how much he loves me. But, does someone who loves you so much treat you this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Hello, I went through the same thing a few years ago, with a guy who was abusive, and sometimes even violent. He wouldn´t take "no" for an answer. We broke up years ago, and sometimes he emails me for my birthday or new year´s eve... and I never answer. You need to be tough at first, but eventually your life goes on, you meet better people (yes, you do, even if it doesn´t seem that easy now) and you are happier. My advice: stay away, if you are down call your friends and family, and move on.
good luck!
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 He needs a counselor not a GF!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):
The fact that you might "love him" is irrelevant. There are psycho serial killers out there with people who love them too. That love might be very real, but that doesn't make it a decent idea for the people to stay with the psycho & try to build any future with him.
Your guy sounds like a jerk that you're better off without.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): umm... I don't have time to go into detail, but I am very glad to hear you broke up with him. Anyone who cannot understand your emotional and sexual needs and wants really is not right for you. Imagine what you want in a relationship? You probably want someone who you can trust to respect your boundaries, someone that even if you are in the middle of intercourse and you say "I'm not ready anymore" you can trust to pull out and give you a hug. As for smoking and drinking, you can see it as he wants you to have a good time but if that isn't your definition of a good time (f.y.i. smoking does so little good and so much bad), then you need someone who shares what you like. The guy sounds very manipulative and really, you know him better but he sounds like he has a lot of issues that he fulfills by having control over women. I hope you can get him some help if you want to be a friend but feel no obligation to do so.
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A
female
reader, adorkable_gg  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 oh boy! This guy doesn't sound to worth it to me. Never date a guy that makes you feel inadequate and at fault. Clearly he didn't deserve you, and he still doesn't. Be proud of the fact you finally expressed your true feelings. Stand your ground...and because he sounds like a jerk: he'll move on and be told the same thing later. He'll realize that he's a jackass, and that you were right. don't stress if he doesn't immediately have an epiphany. Ignore his advances, and stick with what you said. Good luck with dropping this loser. [=
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