A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman back in February by chance and we hit it off. We live 5 hours apart and the distance made it difficult. We decided to back off and when we see each other the sparks just fly. I am moving there in a month and now she says she doesn't see us working out because we are too much like friends, but yet she gets jealous if I mention another woman or simply one on TV. She says I say sweet words to her, I always touch her heart by being so open with my feelings. She says she really values this quality in me. She continues to have the same concern that this confusion our relationship has been facing could possibly set me up for getting hurt. She says she could never forgive herself if she ever hurt me. She tells me I have given her more than I know. She thinks I am perfectly capable of making the judgement that if I feel the relationship is not right for me, I should put an end to it. She says the way things are now this is all I can offer you now not minimizing how I feel at all, in fact she says "I feel so blessed to have someone in my life who actually truly cares for me. You are a HUGE change from what I have had before! I love having you in my life, and am so glad we met." She still send me flirty messages, but they aren't as frequent. She told me I would have the pick of women their, but then she gets jealous and admits it. She says she could date someone else, but she isn't looking. So I'm so confused and yes I fell in love with her. And if she doesn't hear from me she still calls and says she misses me. I think about her all the time and I really hope there is an USSo I wonder if I don't respond to everytime she emails me or calls me if that would be better or just keep like I have been with her. Today she called 4 times before I answered and she wanted to know why I haven't answered and I said I was busy and she got dejected and said well I will let you go. So????????
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 See it this way, poster. She is free, and she is saying that she "wishes" she were there with you. Why isn't she there? Because she doesn't want to.
I know that right now you're hurting and perhaps wondering if a little more love (thanks, Olivia Newton-John) would do the trick. You wish you had certainty. Well, keep your distance, and let her make the contact. Next time she calls, tell her that you think the relationship is over, since you're the only one making any effort to keep it alive. Ask her to do something concrete. She won't. But, by burning your own ships, you will know where you stand, with absolute certainty, and you will move on. Trust me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday is my birthday and she called this morning to tell me happy b-day and she said too bad you aren't here, we could go out and get a little tipsy, dance and have fun. I said good idea, but as you said the wrong time. At the end of the conversation, she paused and sighed and said honey have a happy birthday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I addressed things with her more last night and a friend of mine had said sounds like she is seeing someone or talking to someone. So, I asked her and she said no, but we aren't married or in a relationship anymore and if and when I do meet someone, I will tell you. She said our feelings aren't the same. She said I had to use a defense mechanism because I was falling in love with you and the distance was not something I could deal with. She said you are a wonderful man and I or some other woman will be lucky to have you someday, but right now I don't see us ever being more than just friends and therefore, I think it might be best if we distance ourselves even more. Wow talk about round and round.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 June 2008):
What the anonymous lady said sounds like the truth to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Well it sounds like she is playing with your feelings a bit. Obviously she loves the attention that you give her. But she doesn't necessarily love YOU.
And I know that the attention that she gives you (with her jealousy and stuff) is giving you hope, but I guarantee you that its false hope. I know because I have been in her shoes. I have been in her situation before where I love to flirt with someone and love having them around and knowing that they love me, but I just don't feel the same way. But I still continue the "relationship" simply because I like the attention and I don't want to lose that person's love for me.
What I do know is that nothing's going to change. She isn't going to realise that she loves you one day. I don't know why she doesn't love you. But she just doesn't.
As long as you know that it is what it is, and that as much as you love her, she doesn't feel the same way and its not going to change, then you can decide what would be appropriate for you to do.
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