A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me wrap things up.I am paranoid so I'll address the girl as "O" , me as "X" and HIM as "Y"So I met "O" 4 months ago in a nightclub. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted to be with that girl, not forever (because i dont like the sound of it) , but ALWAYS. We started talking i liked her, now when I ask her she's telling me I was a bit of an asshole that night ( she didn't like me a lot) .. whatever.Same night we had sex and according to her something like that has never happend with her.Well, recently i learned that a month or two before we met she had sex for the first time with "Y".Present time.We are together for 3 months now, telling each other how much we love being together , love each other, all good.I bought her a new phone , gave her the right attention.All in all I was a good boy to her (unlike my past relationships).About a month ago she went to a birthday party of a friend of her's (I was at work at that time) , and like it or not "Y" and some other jackass friend of his "invited themselves to the party" blah-blah...He wanted to talk to her , they went out of the restaurant (talked for about 15min. according to witnesses , friends of mine) Then went back in. An hour or so later party ended and they were getting ready to go clubbing. "Y" offered "O" to give her a ride to the club since they were with a car "Y" and his jackass friend.She accepted with no hesitation again according to witnesses later with the excuse infront me "she was cold" blah blah.She told me she "felt" something for him when they talked and all , but nothing like before, she had stronger feelings for me she was just curious what he might want from her... I MEAN SERIOUSLY?? Is she playing stupid or what? ALSO NOTE: She told me about all of this 2-3 days after it happend.I had no idea any of this has happend by that time ( And the same night we agreed we'd see eachother when i get off work and she called me saying she's at the club and she wants to sleep) basically doesn't want to see me (Sounds like she was a bit confused eh?) Putting me aside and him on the frontline...anywho... I decided i should let her go, but have a little "chat" (don't worry i didn't beat him up) with "Y" before i do that.I told her before that I will talk to him like a guy to a guy , you know.. and she acted all weird like she didn't want him to get hurt or anything cuz she knows what i'm capable of (again showing me that she cares one way or another for that f*ggot) with the excuse that we don't "bring him in our relationship" shit he already brought himself into it and she let that happen... So we broke up, she cried , i sent her home and i left out of town for the night..she didn't take it too well.....few hours after i broke up with her she called me crying and threatening me that she would kill herself if i was really going to leave her and asking me how im doing ,am i ok and whatnot... whatever.Well we had a serious talk a few days after that. Me asking her what does she really want? And she said she doesn't want to lose me and wants to be with me and only me..That she doesn't know why she did that thing and she is really sorry and blames herself for not thinking...seeing what the consequences might be if she do it again (losing me forever) she promised never doing such a thing ever again.(Which i doubt it cuz i have a rule in life : If it happens once it will most definately happen again).Close to a month after all of this I am still haunted by this thing ... she spends more and more time with me , she doesn't go out with her friends that much , if at all..We are both together 90% of the day mostly..She is ABSOLUTELY jealous , it bugs her out even if i look at photos of other women on my PC...acting all crazy about it.THE THING ISI keep thinking about this and it just doesn't go away...I have dreams about her laughing in my face while being with that piece of **** "Y" ..Then wake up feeling terrible and ruining the rest of my day and attitude towards her.And thinking that she prefers him to me, in her eyes he is better than me.God that is killing me.Sex is great. Communication is good. Attitude is good.(she tells me she loves me way too much which also bugs me out). But appears to me that if I'm not around her when "Y" is she will lose her mind and do something again, probably next time being something far worse...I understand she didn't cheat on me "physically" , but emotionally i feel like she took a dump on my face ( and not in that queer erotic way, but in the bad one) .Does she really care more for me than the other guy?And that one time being a mistake? And genuinely wants to be with me , and only me? If that is so, why did she do that in the first place? Testing her faithfulnes or commitment towards me ? What is It ? i'm so confused. Never been in a situation like that , before meeting her I was against all types of relationships.Just Sex. F*ck and leave was what i was doing.Now I feel sorry for falling for this girl...
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at work, broke up, clubbing, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (3 February 2014):
Of course we don't know better than you, what is she feeling. By letting him ride her to the club, she got herself in a bad situation. He's something like an ex and she should avoid such things.
But you can't know what is she really thinking. All you can do is wait and see what happens next. Or, you can let her go and get a new girlfriend.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Hard to be affirmative, but assuming your analysis of the situation is correct and objective, I find that you are right to be careful. Sometimes, women can be overwhelmed with their own feelings, losing control of their actions (to "lose ones head" as it is so often sung, not a legend) even if usually they would not do this or that.If Y has in a way or in another "impregnated" her mind and her sweetest feelings, it's not impossible she could fall for this guy whenever he will reappear in her life.Jealousy can be highly destructive as one know, but there is an ultimatum that has to be issued to your girlfriend to avoid being consumed by it: honey, do your choice right now !If she does "sign" an exclusive "contract" with you, perfect ! But it's on condition of NEVER EVER meeting again that Y. In any way there can be. Otherwise, things will be run in a blink.
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A
male
reader, lost cartographer  +, writes (3 February 2014):
You need to relax. Maybe lose some of that aggression too. If a girl is with you she is with you. If she cheats on you she cheats on you. If the latter happens you say "thanks, goodluck, goodbye" There is always a goal to try and be better than the next guy. Why would she talk to him over me? Well I am afraid there is a fact in life that there will always be someone better. This person will be better looking, more charming, fitter, stronger and tougher. As soon as you get this you will find that competing with some imaginary enemy is a waste of time and pointless.I would tell her that if she wants to know how another guy makes her feel then she should be single because that is an immature, stupid way to feel when you are in a relationship. Don't bully her into thinking that she needs to be with you, dont play games with her to upset her so she doesnt talk to other guys. If you dont like how she acts maybe find someone who acts how you want them to. As for having a chat to the other guy well good luck. It will give him a big head and see that it gets to you and think that he has a chance with your girlfriend. I learnt that I dont compete for girls. If they want to be with me then great. If they dont then great because there will be another girl more deserving around the corner. I would look at the guy know that they were a step down and tell them to have a nice life. Dont compare your worth to how tough you are compared to someone else. That makes you dick
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