A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I was texting my boyfriend (as we do almost continuously) after he got back from the bar. I'm sure he was a little tipsy. But randomly, in the middle of a comment about how I thought he was attractive, he brought up that he was worried I was in love with the idea of being with him, and not in love with the actual him. He immediately apologized, several times, if the comment had hurt me and said it was because he was over thinking things.I said the comment caught me off guard but didn't hurt, and that it's good he should be able to express his thoughts to me. But really, it did hurt. He doesn't know, but I started crying pretty hard. I really, really love this guy and the comment almost made it seem like he didn't recognize my love as genuine. I know this may not be true and he said he only "worried" about it, but this is what came to mind.Later he apologized again and said he thinks he's still shocked that's he's with me, which was sweet, and we told each other we loved each other as usual.But I found myself crying... again, like some big baby, ha. This is the first person I've been in a serious relationship with. I've never, ever, felt this way about anyone and we often talk about taking things further. I just want everything to be perfect, and any thought of something getting in the way of our love upsets me.I guess I'm just in need of some advice or commentary. I don't know if I should just drop it or bring it up later when he's sober and tell him to please not think like that...
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female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (3 February 2014):
Sorry I don't understand why that was hurtful.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Let me turn the table. What IF, he had told you, you had the BEST boobies in the world and he LOVED your boobies. Would you not feel that he was JUST a little too focused on your boobies and not you? EVERYONE wants to be loved for THEM, not their looks, boobies, money... Know what I mean?
I agree with YOUWISH - calm down.
And another thing, don't lie or fake it - to make him happy. IF he says something that HURTS your feelings TALK it over. (obviously NOT over texts) Don't lie and say it's OK if it's not. Because YOU will end up with an Elephant in the room and no idea what to do with it.
I DO think it was his insecurities that came out a little while drunk. Maybe he had hoped for another compliment, but here is the deal.... life doesn't work that way. You felt you were giving him a GOOD and loving compliment, he should have taken it gracefully.
I would take it as a GOOD thing that he WANTS you to LOVE all of him.
Dry your eyes honey.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 February 2014):
 First of all, calm down! His tipsiness revealed an insecurity in him, something most women don't get to see in a guy for what it is. He thinks that he's not worthy of your love for him. A good response is to reassure him, not freak out and start bawling, because that reaction is telling him that he's right, and that your love is so flimsy that it can be undone by one revelation of the heart.
So is your love so flimsy that his comment can send you spiraling, or can you see it for what it is, tell him you love him for real, and you both can move on? He wasn't hurtful, nor did he put you down. He was tipsy enough to let his guard down...and what he said actually was a glimpse as to how serious he actually wants to be with you.
That comment he made should FAR from hurt you...it is a compliment to you. He cares about you that much that he is afraid that it's too perfect, which is an insecurity in him.
The more you carry on, get hurt, and cry over this, the more he will pull away from you. What do you want to see happen? You *want* a relationship where feelings are safe to express.
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