A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just found out my husband of six years cheated on me with his cousin a year into our marriage.How I found this out we were at a wedding and his cousin [3rd]down the line was there .She told me in her drunken state that my husband had a fling with her.I tackled my husband about this and he admitted He had been sweet on her and met her for drinks over a few weeks but he hadnt slept with her.It was all flirtatious. We had been having terrible rows at the time and he said she was a shoulder to lean on.He finshed with her when he felt it was getting out of hand .We started to get on better and I have to say he has been a wonderful and caring husband since then. WE have a little boy of 2years and my husband idolises him.In view of what happened since should I forgive my husband .He is full of remorse and had nothing to do withhis cousin since that time 5 years ago.I have told him how badly hurt I am I want to forget this early episode.Does 1 mistake need to be the end of everything.He has never strayed since and I know he is telling me the truth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): "I want to forget this early episode" by pretending it didn't happen does not negate the fact that it actually did. better to tackle the problem than to sweep it under the carpet. if you can pretend then by all means, continue but if you want closure and understanding and open ness and trust then its time to do some more talking and delving into the past.
however remorse doesn't quite cut it here. he is not remorseful. he was sly and covered up his affair. if you cover this up again now, then 2 cowards together..........
if the cousin blurted out he truth does it mean she still harbours feelings for him or is she bitter that he used her, messed with her feelings then abondoned her. do you know your real husband, what he is capable of doing. you need to do some homework here to see if he has indeed changed. or is he covering up more sordid affairs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): the only reason you found out was when she blurted out the truth about her affair with your hb. why is he so full of remorse- he had 5 yrs to tell you. did you see any evidence of his guilt over the yrs. he must have been a very good actor to hide his pain just like he is doing now. you were made a fool 5 yrs ago. do not be one again. so no sex, eh. who told you this, your loving faithful hb? you seem ready tio forget he had sex with his cousin. how big of you. i am sure he just loves how understanding his wife is over his affair. ya, right. i am not saying you need to leave him but he must account for his wrongdoing. it seems like you just want to forget his affair and sweep it under the carpet. what is reality to you? when will you decided to tacke this affair, when you find out he had another one. how many affairs must a person have before it stops and how forgiving must a apouse be. forgive and forget because it only happened once? it is not his affair that is questionable. it is his lies and his attempt tocover it. he thinks he has landed his arse in the clover- his wife just wants to forgive him for messing about. remember this, you were only married for a yr before he must sniffing elsewhere. the 7 yr itch is fast approaching, wonder what he will do then. also claim full of remorse. "He finshed with her when he felt it was getting out of hand ." wow, very big of him. he finished with her. this woman also has feelings, he threw her away like dirt when he finished with her. please re read your words. you make his affair sound like nothing. was it? your hb wjust loves having a wife like you - meek, so easily forgiven and hiding from the truth.an affair means a betrayal. call it what you will but it means that this woman provided something you did not during his affair. your hb's affair is just the side issue - tackle his lies and his non disclosure.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 So let me get this straight?
Your husband cheated(yuck) and with his cousin(double yuck)
See, you have to consider that had the cousin not told you, you may have never found out. And of course he is remorseful.
Cheaters will continue to cheat unless they fear that they will LOSE everything. If all they see is hurt from you then nothing will change. You see, they don't care if they hurt you - they wouldn't have cheated in the first place if they cared about your feelings .With cheaters its all about them and getting what they want - it has nothing to do with you that's not what their remorse is about...they feel bad because THEY GOT CAUGHT.
So you may think it is a "mistake", but nothing could be farther from the truth. Mistakes are wrong lane changes. He didn't trip over a rug and fall penis first into her Vagina.
How do you know for sure there aren't others? If he boned his cousin, he has little respect for anyone, especially you or any member of his family.
The decision is yours, but unless you take action, you will be posting again at a later date when this happens again, and it will.
You need to stop making excuses and ask yourself if you want to live the rest of your life wondering what kind of crap he is gonna do next.
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (26 May 2009):
no the best thing you can do ,,,is what your doing now..reach out and evaluate the situation..my recommendation to you is ,,move on and dont let this past situation come up again.life seems to be at its peak for you and your doing great..let go and let God..and realize that you have something that not to many have ..you have a family that is staying together..peace out and God go with you..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2009):
 It only needs to be the end if that is what YOU wish.
The thing is, is he being remorseful because he got caught? or because he knew it hurt the crap out of you?
You two need to talk about what you expect from each other, what you will NOT allow.
It might have been a mistake,but it kinda irks me that he is blaming it on you, by saying that he did it because you two fought. Him cheating was HIS choice. His action. He didn't stumble and fall into bed with her. Understand that?
You can eventually forgive, just remember forgiving something like that can not be forced and once forgiven it can not be "used" in any arguments.
I think it's quite possible for you two to continue your marriage, but you both need to understand that every action have a reaction, not only for the individual but for the whole family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): When we make a decision to stay with a person who has betrayed us...we must also forgive.
I believe everyone deserves a second chance! If you love your husband, give him that chance to redeem himself! From what you describe, it sounds like he has been doing that! Forgiveness is a noble quality!
Good luck!
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