A
female
age
36-40,
*jf5676
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for only 3 months, but it's a really meaningful relationship. I have an excellent judge of character and I now he isn't playing games with me. So I've voiced to him a couple times the importance to me of letting me know at night and in the morning that he's thinking of me or to say goodnight. I worry. He has a bigger social life than I do because I have a lot of family issues and I need to be with them more than with my friends. I litterally have no time between family and building my career. My question is, he says he loves me, I think he means it. Am I being irrational? Is it normal for a guy not to text or call for a whole night or day? Can his feelings still be genuine?
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female
reader, tjf5676 +, writes (7 November 2011):
tjf5676 is verified as being by the original poster of the question There was a a lot of wonderful feedback. I always love the male perspective so thank you. In all honnesty, I know I should scale back regardless of how passionate we both are about eachother. I am not this girl...overly excited about someone. But I am so excited about him. I just like to know he's thinking of me...he assures me he is, even when he doesn't text. I do NOT want to put any more pressure on him about this issue. But how do I make sure he's not feeling pressured but at least some of my needs are being met. I think it's fair to expect to meet in the middle?
A
female
reader, Niki321 +, writes (3 November 2011):
well, i know what you feel. my bf doesn't call or text all day long either. First, i got really mad at him , thinking he doesn't care enough about me or even worse, he has sb else besides me. All the time i kept bothering him, y u never call me, y u never text me. That made him mad and of course that made him not willing to do that even more, like the more you push him to do sth he doesn't like, the more he gonna hate to do that. But in my case, he's at work most of his time and as he say that is why he has no time, or just don't want to use his phone at work. To my opinion =that is silly, well if you have sb you care, y can't u find a min to call or text? once he told me, if he texts me, i start a convo and than he has no time to respond me, i get upset he's ignorin me, that's y he decided not to text me at all. Course that's not that pleasant, but if he thinks that's the right way for him, let it be, i found oth ppl, who i can text n they gonna text me back. pity, i know, but i agreed it's not cuz he doesn't care ab me, it's cuz, he hates texting, n he's busy, anyw whenever he has time, he can call me stimes..... got used to it. so if your relationship as u say are serious, don't bother him too much w texts, he gonna back off more. for a text advice, go to thenexttext.com
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): I don't know, I'm more of the individualistic type of human and need my personal space. When I want to express my interests in someone, it's more meaningful to tell it to the person on the occasions you see each other instead of routinely sending meaningless text messages. Doing the latter becomes just a chore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): His feelings are still probably genuine but no one likes to be told when they have to call and text. His feelings about you will diminish if you keep placing demands for reassurance on him and he know longer feels he is doing things of his own free will. Why would you want him to call or text you because he feels he has to or you'll get upset? All you're doing is ensuring things won't be geniune, which is opposite of what you state you want.
It's a very new relationship and if a guy feels he is never doing enough so soon, he'll jump ship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 It's normal for any person in a relationship to not text every single day. If you tell him you want him to text you every morning and every evening then you are turning what should be a nice gesture into a chore. He'll do it not because he actually thinks of you, but because you'll punish him if he doesn't. And I don't see how him doing something because he is forced to will make you happy or feel more loved.
If he doesn't text he can still love you, those two things are unrelated. If you need something to feel loved then look to other signs of affection that comes naturally, and not forced actions. If he's not the type to text every morning and evening, EVEN IF he thinks about you, then he isn't the type to do it plain and simple..! We dont all have a need to tell the person each time we think of them. If you want to hear from him in the morning and evening then why don't you text him and he'll respond if he's got time? And no fuzz if he doesn't? You do get to meet him in person from time to time, so you can use the time you have together to feel loved and look for signs of affection and care, rather than focus on the texts.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (2 November 2011):
wow slow down abit. I really wouldn't worry if he does not text you 24/7. It's only been 3 months so what's the panic? My own bf likes to text "morning" etc to me, but he does not do it every day. I don't worry about that as i know sometimes he is just busy like i am. Don't get over the top with your bf, as you may drive him away by being too clingy. Just relax and maybe instead of waiting for a text and demanding hellos and goodnights, simply call him once a day or something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): Yes his feelings still can be genuine. I used to be like you, I would be paranoid whenever he didn't text me back or whenever he didn't wish me good night or something. But then I realized how absolutely ridiculous I looked getting mad at him for not sending a stupid text. One time he was out with friends and didn't reply to anything I sent him. It was past 12 and he just wasn't answering. I was worried sick and angry as hell. I questioned him the next day and he left his phone in the car and he was pissed at me for being pissed at him for having fun with some guy friends, without having to worry about his phone. Can you see why I felt ridiculous? Sometimes he got sidetracked, sometimes he fell asleep, sometimes he was busy. Basically, you can't expect him to text you on a schedule every single day. It just isn't realistic. Even I forget to reply to my boyfriend sometimes, or miss his phone calls/texts. People just lose track of time and some place no value into texting. Some of my guy friends say the same thing, they do not have their phone attached to their hand 24/7 waiting to text you good night at exactly 11 PM you know? It just isn't realistic to expect that. If he's showing you he's thinking of you in other ways like visiting you often or always being there, then no need to worry! Trust me, go a few days without worrying about his good night/morning texts and he just might surprise you with some himself!!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 3 months is quite a short time no matter how serious it has gotten. Yes just because he doesn't text morning and night to reassure you that he is missing you doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings for you, am sure that they are genuine. But just be careful that you don't get to clingy and push him away. At the end of the day some people don't like texting to much and if he is out with his friends he might not have the time to be texting. If you are missing him it is OK to give him a text to tell him this, but just don't expect to much to soon.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 my boyfriend was not one for daily contact. I told him i needed it and he learned to deal with it.
it can be normal for him not to contact you after just 3 months together... that's not a long period of time.
his feelings surely can be genuine.
I'd not be ramming my need for twice daily contact down his throat just yet.
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