A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and my piano teacher is 28 and I've been noticing a lot of weird things that he does around me and doesn't do around his other female students and I am really confused. Does he like me? (I know dating him would be dangerous and I don't want to). 1. Everytime he talks to me he looks deep into my eyes and sometimes he leans in really close like he's one inch away from my face.2. He touches me (casually) like he would punch me lightly, push me lightly, he would hold my hands to show me how to hold my hands on the keyboard. Everytime he heald my hand it seemed like he was enjoying holding it. Or he would "accidentally" touch me on my hand or arm.3. He would sit really close to me on the bench touching thigh to thigh and if I accidentally touch him he wouldn't flinch in anyway. 4. He laughs at all my jokes noo matter how stupid they are and smiles a lot at me.5. He always compliments me and speaks in a really sexy quiet voice and he rarely does that with his other female students. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (28 July 2009):
Yuck.. Ok well;;; my opinion on this. You are 16, not 18. This makes a difference. I don't necessarily know your laws as I am british - but i read somewhere that age of sexual consent is 18 in america (however i know this varies across states). The behaviour you have described is worrying. He doesn't know that you are attracted to him.// whether you are attracted to him - for all he knows this behaviour could make you very uncomfortable. He is a teacher and has a form of authority over you. I don't like that he is sitting so close to you or flirting with you by being very physical with you; it is entirely innappropriate. And back to my earlier point - he doesn't really care if this behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable; the wanting to be close to you is a sexual thing. He is 28 years old, too old for his intentions to be entirely innocent, and certainly old enough to know what he is doing. At 16, you are actually very young and certainly vulnerable and impressionable and any adult should know this. Imagine if you were watching this piano teaching behaving like this with a friend of yours -- would you think it was weird, or creepy? Can you guess how your parents would react if you told them what this piano teacher was doing?? People can be attracted to people without touching them; the fact that he is touching you doesnt show he fancies you (this is already true), it shows something else entirely. Invading someone's space or touching someone outwardly is a dominance stance (in terms of body language) - for an adult man to initiate a dominance stance over a young girl is never a good sign. Do not let him think that this behaviour is acceptable, move away put space between you. If you want him to fancy you, if you like this attention then putting space between you will not alleviate his interest and any behaving on his part like it has, is either out of feeling awkward, uncomfortable or could be something more sinister -- i.e. hoping you will further encourage the behaviour.
If you feel at all awkward or ill at ease in his presence do not ignore it or convince yourself you are 'imagining things'; often we have these concerns because something is really not right. If he does anything innappropriate- touches you anywhyere personal or says anything odd or innappropriate cut contact with him.
A
male
reader, Gregory +, writes (28 July 2009):
Thank you for the correction. I still think this is weird. I am about the same age as this guy, and I can't even fathom acting in this way. You are right though, and my tone was a bit harsh. I think I was just a bit put off by this sort of behavior.
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A
female
reader, cheysula +, writes (28 July 2009):
I'm glad you are mature enough to a) not jump to conclusions and b) realize the possibly dangerous situation you are in.Yes, I do think he is interested in you. I also agree that it is inappropriate, because of your professional relationship and because of your age. Like someone else said, tell him to back off, and if he is decent he should get the message. If he doesn't get the message, fire him *immediately*. Don't give men like that any chances, or they will take it.Also, if you feel uncomfortable with him anyway, get a new teacher. Don't let it affect your music. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Gregory, you are wrong. A 16 year old is not a young child and the instructor is only showing he is attracted to her not trying to have sex with her. Here is the Wikipedia definition, in part: "The term pedophilia (or paedophilia) has a range of definitions as found in psychiatry, psychology, law enforcement, and the vernacular. As a medical diagnosis, it is defined as a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children.[1][2][3] According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), pedophilia is specified as a form of paraphilia in which a person either has acted on intense sexual urges towards children, or experiences recurrent sexual urges towards and fantasies about children that cause distress or interpersonal difficulty.[4] I think the poster should say to the teacher not to sit too close and that should be enough to tell him she is not interested in him as a suitor.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Watch him closely. If you decide to keep him as your piano teacher keep a recorder on you to record all that he says to you.
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A
male
reader, Gregory +, writes (28 July 2009):
He sounds like a creep. If I were you, I'd find a new piano instructor. People like this are called pedophiles.
I could be wrong, but this all points to an unhealthy attempt to get close to you, and you are half his age. This is wrong on so many levels.
If he was like this with everyone, I could probably attribute it to an eccentric personality, but if it is only with you, it's not likely.
Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): well by everything you just said, without a doubt he likes you, but i think that's sick if you go out with him because of the age difference, but the answer is yes, he does like you, but if i were you i would stay as far from him as possible. good luck
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