A
male
age
36-40,
*ianchi
writes:over the past months my girlfriend has changed, she doesnt desire sex with me, and i feel like our room mate is the reason why. She claims to hate him but, find them glaring at each other, getting each others attention. I have noticed her masterbating, when she had never don it before, she has told me she cant stand to touch herself, but she does. What bothers me with this is , it started happening after i noticed the peculiar behavior of them both. One night i woke up and she was panting sweaty hot not covered and touching herself, this was way too early in the morning, but when i rolled over and said soemthing to her she responded right away and fully awake, i left the room and noticed our room mate was still watching tv, i went back and talked with her most of the morning but 15 minutes after starting it, went out for a cigarette, then i noticed his tv was off. It seems like no one but them knows about this, i havent caught them doing anythign with each other but, i have a gut feeling there is? I dont know how to go about the situation, and whether or not to believe her. I must say prior to this she has given me no reason to doubt her but... what i have seen i feel like there is. what advice can you give me? am i being insecure and not trusting her and living in my mind, or am I seeing things for what they are?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 So let me get this straight, he's her friend, not yours? This does change things a bit. Do you really need a roommate to pay the rent? If not, ask her if he could live somewhere else, and simply tell her you feel the two of you need your privacy and you really don't want a roommate there. End of sentence. If she fights for him, you may have cause for concern. If you truly need a roommate in order to pay the rent perhaps you could invite a couple of cute chicks from your office over after work, make a few drinks and hopefully one of them will become interested in him. As an absolute last resort, you may need to invent a doctor's appointment or some reason to be out of the apartment on a day when the two of them are alone. Make it seem official then about 10 min. after you've left, sneak back into your apartment comlex through a back door and pop in unexpectedly because you forgot some important papers, or whatever. If you come back and nothing is going on then perhaps your concerns are not warranted. However, you may actually catch them in the act so be prepared to face the worst. At least you'll know.
A
male
reader, bianchi +, writes (28 April 2010):
bianchi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have given all the attention I can, I adore her! i may just be cynical,i understand him being in the house can put strain, but he is not my friend, he knows her that is how i know him. She tells me that i have to trust her and love her unconditionally, i understand that this is a must for a healthy long lasting relationship. I still have this doubt in my gut, i have recently noticed that some days she will have an uncontrable fart, that just whisps out. Sort of similar to what would happen in anal sex. Now i remember her asking me about what i thought of it when we first dated, she brought the subject up. NOw how i see things, she wouldnt have asked unless she was interested. i told her i really felt uncomfortable about it. i went to my lowest point and scanned his room, come to find he has lube, but the only time it has been used is when she just so happened to have these "airy farts". I dont know what to do or if her feelings are real. I know i am not making this shit up. It has happened.
To clarify the tv situation, when i noticed her being hot and sweaty and not even covered up, wide awake. When i had left the room, his tv was on i could see the light from under his door, but the volume was off. The second time I was walking out there was no illumination from under his door ( tv was off ). It seems all to odd to me.
Her words contradict my thoughts, but why would anyone that you truly love, tell you something they didnt feel and say they want you to be in there life because you are a great person, and truely known to be a soulmate. why after being told this do i still feel deceived ?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I have given all the attention I can, I adore her! i may just be cynical,i understand him being in the house can put strain, but he is not my friend, he knows her that is how i know him. She tells me that i have to trust her and love her unconditionally, i understand that this is a must for a healthy long lasting relationship. I still have this doubt in my gut, i have recently noticed that some days she will have an uncontrable fart, that just whisps out. Sort of similar to what would happen in anal sex. Now i remember her asking me about what i thought of it when we first dated, she brought the subject up. NOw how i see things, she wouldnt have asked unless she was interested. i told her i really felt uncomfortable about it. i went to my lowest point and scanned his room, come to find he has lube, but the only time it has been used is when she just so happened to have these "airy farts". I dont know what to do or if her feelings are real. I know i am not making this shit up. It has happened.To clarify the tv situation, when i noticed her being hot and sweaty and not even covered up, wide awake. When i had left the room, his tv was on i could see the light from under his door, but the volume was off. The second time I was walking out there was no illumination from under his door ( tv was off ). It seems all to odd to me. Her words contradict my thoughts, but why would anyone that you truly love, tell you something they didnt feel and say they want you to be in there life because you are a great person, and truely known to be a soulmate.BIANCHI
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 April 2010):
You know what they say, "Two's company, three is a crowd". It's time your friend found another pad to land in. Maybe having another male in the house is confusing her hormones. If he moves out the problem may go away and after you get your privacy back as a couple, things will return to normal. I'm sure if one of her cute little leggy girlfriends was living there, she'd be wondering what sort of thoughts were running through your mind when her friend walks down the hall from the bathroom in her underwear and nothing else. It puts unnecessary sexual strain on a relationship to have another person in such close proximity. It's time for your friend to go.
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A
female
reader, Keira9312 +, writes (27 April 2010):
 The vital question to ask yourself is: Do I give her enough attention?
Your girlfriend probably doesn't have the hots for your roomate, but that depends on how you have gotten along with her. Do you give her attention, or do you spend most of the time in silence? It also has to do with what the other person desires. She may want something that your roomate has. (not a physical object or item). She may have different wishes about love than you had previously thought, and figures that he will supply that. Another question is: Does your roomate seem like the sex-crazy type? While some girls prefer long, true relationships, some are just in it for the sex part. I do not hold any hard thoughts about your girlfriend, but that is a major cause for that problem. I am sure that she loves you, and that you may be imagining the worst!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 I am not sure what you meant by the tv thing but I know that sometimes gut feelings can't be doubted. I would imagine it's hard to enjoy sex when 3 people live in the same place. I don't think I need to lecture you on how to give nice long kisses and that extended foreplay is important. Just kindly ask if your girlfriend she likes having sex with you and how you could make it better. There is no need to mention the roommate at this time. If she can't look you in the eye and express herself then you know something is up.
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