A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I recently began talking again after 2 months of no contact. We topped talking bc he got a new girlfriend. He texted my sister asking if I till hated him. And he even told her that he misses me and wants to be friends. My sister replied saying it's not a good ide since I'm till in love with him. He then replied that he still loves me but we didnt work. I hope that wan't confusing.I believe it was the day after, that he broke up with his plaything and contacted me to see a movie.We've hung out maybe once a week since the begning of december. We've caught up, cuddled, had a sleepover, played games and overall have had an amazing time. I feel like we have mutual feelings but I'm afraid nothing's going to come of it. I've been in love with him since we met, even through the breakup and his rebound. Now I'm even more headover heels. When we broke up we didnt do the no contact thing initially. We hung out like normal, just not a often, and our feelings seemed strong. We even had sex twice, but he said we should stop so I don't get my hopes up. I'm really wondering if this is going to be the same thign all over again or does he have feelings for me again?I will ask eventually. I just want to hear your experiences. The last thing I want to be is FWB.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Cindy.
Yeah that is a good sign that he doesn't want us to be together. I really don't understand how you can have feelings for someone but not do anything with it. Maybe he just needed to get with that rebound and now he's okay again. In a perfect world, I would be able to jut bring up a conversation about how I've changed and how we can work out now. We didn't work because of really stupid/changeable things. I should try to just.. show him that I'm different. Sigh...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): No offence but there's no way anyone on here can tell you for sure what your ex boyfriend's feelings and intentions are from your post. We're not psychic. However the aunts here have given you their best advice and the answers are well thought out. Have a good read through them again because it sounds like you're not willing to listen to anything other than what you want to hear.
I'd be inclined to think he doesn't want to get back together. When he said he still loves you, he made it clear he doesn't want a relationship. When you had sex, again he made it clear he doesn't want to get back together but if you're still willing I'm sure he'll take what's on offer. He probably does still like spending time with you as a friend but you're not someone he wants to commit to. Lots of boys/girls playfully flirt with each other, it's definitely not sure sign he's interested or anything you can base a conclusion on.
If the last thing you want to be is a FWB (which yes is where i think it's heading) then to play it safe here's an idea - DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM......
Fact of the matter is you seem willing to do pretty much anything to get him back and that isn't healthy, nor will it end well. If I were you, I'd cut contact because you're obviously infatuated and seeing him will only make it worse. Or at least stop sleeping with him and just remain friends.
Don't just wait around for him and appear desperate. Hopefully he's not someone to take advantage of that but there are plenty of men out there who would.
Also considering he knows you still like him and that he's not interested in a relationship , even if you made the advances, he still went and had sex with you anyway. It suggests he IS willing to use you for sex if the opportunity arises, even if he knows you'll be heartbroken when he moves on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 I don't know about the other Aunts, but my answer was thought out , and yes I had understood that you are not being sexually intimate right now, just hanging out.
It does not change my opinion, he said he does not want to be back in a relationship with you ,regardless of feelings - that 's quite a clear warning,IMO.
So, I don't quite see why you try to flirt and seduce . If you think that sexualizing the situation will authomatically mean you'll be an item again, I am afraid you are going to be sorely disappointed.
As for your question, is it going to become an FWB , well, that's a strange question. It can become an FWB only if you allow it and accept it. If you don't, it won't. It takes two to tango.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish I gave more details! I'm mainly asking if this is going to BECOME a FWB. Because of us "not working out" yest we're still friends etc. I know we're going to get phyical eventually but nothing's going to come out of it, in my opinion. I was wondering if his feelings have changed?And to get this completely clear, he's not using me for sex. He really isn't. I'm not saying he doesn't like it, but his actions are not meant to get me in bed. He doesn't do anything that would get me into bed. If he had, then we'd already be haing sex. Of all the times we hang out, it's always to do things together, like going to the movies. When we go back to his houe we just play videogames, make food, talk, etc. We're not just feeling up on eachother. We're just getting to know eachother again. Maybe he has some very long term devious plan the get in my pants but I highly doubt it. It's been 2 months now of just getting to know eachother again and hanging out. I'm trying to keep it non platonic by flirting and stuff and he seems to go with it. So maybe if anything, I'm making the sexual advances? But I'm not in this for his dick either. Someone give me a more thought out answer, thanks :(
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 January 2012):
 If you don't wish to be his FWB.... then keep your legs together, and continue the benign activites that you enumerated in your submittal....
I'm willing to wager that he will either: 1. Ask you to put out as his G/F..... or, 2. will distance himself from you again if you DON'T put out.... YOU choose which of 1. or 2. you would like to have...
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 January 2012):
 He is USING you. you are a FWB, and he's using you as a fluid receptacle until someone else comes along, and he's exploiting your feelings for him to get what he wants from you. He's also exploiting your desperate need not to feel rejected in order to keep you groveling for whatever pseudo-scraps he pretends to give you.
Best thing to do is to end it now, or you have no idea how much pain you're about to be in when he not only dumps you, but he used you the whole time with no intention to have feelings.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 January 2012):
Well, if he told you not to get your hopes up ( and to back this up he renounced having sex with a willing, available, attractive girl, which must have been a considerable sacrifice for a young man !) that logically would indicate that he has no intention to restart a bf/ gf relationship with you.
He may still have feelings, but feelings only are not enough to make a relationship work , and that's precisely what he said to your sister.
So, I'd take him literally and would not get my hopes up.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 It sounds like he is just lonely and wants sex, so I think chances are he just wants a FWB. You will be a stop gap between the next girlfriend (or plaything as you put it) - you will fill his time nicely and provide sex but then there is no comittment and he can go off with a new girl if and when she comes along.
He has made it quite clear he doesnt want you to get your hopes up - this means in plain English that he doesnt want to get back together therefore dont get your hopes up because its not going to happen. He also said 'it didnt work' meaning he still clearly sees the problems in your relationship and it is unlikely he will want to try again.
But as you said - you need to ask him rather than carrying on like this. Your feelings are getting stronger and stronger so to save yourself a lot of hurt you need to ask him ASAP how he feels and if he wants to get back together. If his answer is no then you need to cut him out of your life once and for all otherwise you will never move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Guessing he dumped new gf because he wasn't getting into her pants as quickly or regularly or frequently as he hoped, so now he's come back to you as his good old reliable Plan B until something better comes along.
Cease all contact now, he's a jerk and a creep and a user.
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