A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:one time, a close friend of mine and i were discussing sex. i asked him if he was interested in a blowjob and he said if it were coming from a girl he didn't respect, then yes, he would want a bj but if it was from someone he cared about, then absolutely not. that conversation has always been in the back of my mind but especially recently as i am starting to perform oral sex on my boyfriend. i guess it just makes me wonder, is that the case with a lot of guys? does my boyfriend respect me even though i go down on him? i certainly enjoy it and i hope that he does too but i can't help but feel a little guilty after a conversation with such a good, caring friend of mine. he is just a friend and i don't think he'd judge me or not and quite frankly, i don't care if my friend judges me but my own boyfriend, i have no idea.we've been dating about five months.
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male
reader, thebaldsoprano +, writes (9 March 2012):
Definitely very immature / obtuse, not to mention kind of insulting, on the part of your (platonic) friend. In fact I'd consider dumping him just for saying that. At the very least, he certainly doesn't deserve a blowjob from anyone.
Conversely, men who are genuinely mature and comfortable with themselves have nothing but respect (and tenderness, and gratitude) for women who are willing to do the act.
And of course, not only do they reciprocate, but they're also the first to be willing to take the plunge, as it were.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): Then your friend is stuck in the past because it's not a degrading act (depending on the context). Like being in a relationship with someone, and mutually pleasing each other, it's O.K. to do a BJ! But if you use blowjobs for like payment or whatever, then that's a different story. Just keep doing what you're doing if it's working!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 February 2012):
 I'll not say how many girlfriends favored me with oral sex over some 40-plus years, but I loved and respected every one of them, and I usually returned those favors with cunnilingus. Actually, they were always pleased first. When mutual pleasure, it is beautiful, healthy and extremely sexy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Your friend's attitude makes no sense. I'd only disrespect a girl for that if she did it to many other guys before. Can't a BJ also be a completely loving and selfless act?
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Put it this way.. ANY woman that sucks my dick i have massive respect for.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (28 February 2012):
 On the first date = not too classy.
During a loving relationship = Very sexy.
Since you two are in a loving relationship, I would be willing to bet that he respects you.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 A blowjob given by a loving woman to a loving man in the context of a loving committed relationship is not dirty or degrading or disrespectful.
My boyfriend is very grateful and happy about his BJs. He says thank you when I’m done… and sadly for me he brags about my skills to his friends… (he’s told me this and I’ve asked him to NOT do it but he’s a jerk about it)
Ask your BF what he thinks… would you think he’s being trashy or disrespect him if he went down on you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni should probably add my boyfriend doesn't really "return the favor." he has a few times. it doesn't bother me much though. thanks everyone for your ideas!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): I dont think your friend was reffering to if you're in a relationship.
I agree with the friend if he wasn't, of course a guy isn't going to respect a girl if she gives him a blow job and they aren't together/love each other or if they don't even know each other. But when you're in a relationship with someone and love one another then it's the complete opposite, they do/should respect them and it's something that's special and personal between the both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Some men and women see blowjobs as degrading (which is why your friend said that) and others don't. So it's obviously not ALL guys that think like that.
As far as I'm concerned both viewpoints are valid, you can never tell someone how they're supposed to feel about something like that, it's personal preference.
It's not necessarily immaturity and actually I'd say the other answers here are from women who also don't want to believe there are some men out there who do view them that way.
What is important is that you're with a partenr who views them the same way you do and if you're in an official relationship for 5 months and he's still acting the same after blowjobs as he was before, then it sounds like he just enjoys them and sees them as part of sex instead of something degrading.
I don't think he'd spend 5 months with someone he doesn't respect or therefore see a future with just to get a blowjob.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Sounds like your 'close friend' isn't referring to oral sex in the context of a loving committed relationship. I wouldn't take his words to heart, he sounds a bit, um, immature.
Does your boyfriend return the favor and give you oral sex? That would pretty well answer your question, I think.
Don't let someone else's inhibitions or judgments ruin your enjoyment of a personal expression of attraction and affection.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 I think that friend of yours was a virgin who watched too much porn. It sounds like he's never gotten a blowjob before in his life, to be honest.
No, guys do not disrespect women who give blowjobs. Men with a healthy view on sex see blowjobs as a sexual act, along other sexual acts. And, a healthy view on sex is that sex is between two people who care for each other. In such a context sex is never degrading, or about lack of respect. Just being naked with each other shows a great respect for each other and each others bodies. Touching is out of love and care, no matter the form of touch.
Ask your friend if he's ever gotten a blowjob in his life from someone he cared for who cared for him, and if it made him respect her less. In either case, it is your friend who has a skewed outlook on sex, not you. Your friend has an unhealthy view on sex. So screw what he thinks.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Meh, everyone's different, you'd have to ask your boyfriend... but even if you do, he's gonna say "of course I respect you babe". If you both enjoy it, then don't let what your friend said play on your mind. If you're both boyfriend and girlfriend officially then I'd say you've already achieved a certain level of respect anyways.
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