A
female
age
41-50,
*itness_Vixen
writes:Dear Cupid, I've been with my fiancee for 3 years. Since we've been together I lost 40lbs. I was on a mission to lose weight even before I met him so I lost a total of 123lbs. In fact, when we met I was jogging with dumbbells. In any case, he hasn't said a thing about my weight loss until recently. Lately, from time to time, he has said he doesn't want me to lose any more weight. I didn't think nothing of it until this past Sunday. On Sunday he again mentioned that he didn't want me to lose any more weight but he also said that he wanted me to eat more food. Mind you I am not skin and bones. I lift weights plus with my body type I will always have curves. But he made it seem like I'm wasting away. I asked him what does he think about my body and he says it is perfect, yet he wants me to eat more. He said when we first met I was pudgy and now I'm some thin "glam girl". I'm offended because I feel like I have to be a certain size for him to feel comfortable in this relationship instead of supporting me. This is going to be a problem because I am pursuing a career as a personal trainer so if he thinks I'm going to put on any lbs to satisfy him, he has got the wrong woman. I don't know if he just likes chubby girls or he is putting me down because he is insecure about his own weight. He has gained 30lbs since we've met. I've gotten bitter about this because I feel like he wants to control me instead of accepting me. So what do you think? I have tried to tell him how I feel but he doesn't get why this bothers me. I feel like your partner should be your biggest fan and when I don't get that, it's upsetting to me. I just need insight on this situation. Thank you.
View related questions:
fiance, insecure, lose weight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (15 September 2010):
Some men actually like BBW's and since he met you while you were still "pudgy" might be an indication of his preferance. Some men are insecure and seek partners who are less attractive and/or heavy because they fear that an attractive woman might be more like sought out and tempted by other men.Some men are weary of the constant battle women face to be considered sexy and beautiful by societies standards. The dieting and obsessing over weight on the scales is just too much for some guys since they are usually the ones that have to constantly console and validate you because if you are obsessive about your own looks, you're never satisfied even if he insists other wise.You need to have a serious heart to heart with this man and tell him what your weight loss goals are and find out how he feels about that. You don't need to change for anyone but you both need to find out if you are compatible and can be supportive of each others goals.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 I dont think your partner wants you to be overweight - he met you while you were out exercising so he knew right from the start you were into your fitness and wanted to lose weight. So I dont think this is the problem.
What I think might be the issue is that you might be a little too obsessed with fitness and dieting, that is very unnatractive in a relationship and gets a bit boring! My guess is your partner loves you very much, but just wants you to lighten up a little, live a bit more and stop being so obsessive about your weight. Talking about fitness/diets all the time, counting calories constantly, exercising too much and then talking about it as well - it will be a bit tiring for your partner to hear about it all the time. What he will want is a beautiful, healthy girlfriend who knows how to balance having fun yet still being healthy.
Being in a relationship means you want to share things, so sharing a bottle of wine, going for a meal, sharing popcorn at the cinema....all those little things are nice things to do together and if your partner is constantly obsessing about the fat content in everything it means you take the fun out of eating together and relaxing.
So maybe you just need to relax a little more, even if it is just one day a week where you can eat what you want and you dont work out, just to show him that you are still fun and you realise life isnt all about your dress size or how much fat is in that meal you have just eaten.
You can still maintain a healthy lifestyle and still lose weight, but remember what the point of losing weight was for in the first place - so you would be happier. And you cannot do all this hard work and lose so much weight without letting yourself enjoy your new body and let go once in a while!
So try doing that, and also have a talk with him as well. Let him know that you dont feel he is supporting you fully in your career choice, and you dont understand why your weight has become an issue suddenly. Even if he is a bit fed up with the fitness obsession, if he loves you and wants to marry you then it is no excuse for not supporting you, he should always be there for you no matter what.
So maybe you both need to give a little here - you relax a bit more and stop being the crazy fitness fanatic all the time, and he can get behind you more and support you in your ambitions.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 September 2010):
Hi there. Is it possible that you are getting too thin? I mean below what is considered your normal healthy weight range.
The other problem with losing weight, is sometimes women keep on wanting to lose more and more weight and somehow always seeing themselves as still a bit overweight when they look in the mirror. Even though in actual fact, they have probably reached their ideal weight.
Just be very careful that you don't go overboard and keep on wanting to lose more weight. If you do that, and keep on going to the gym lifting weights etc., you might get too thin and become a bit gaunt looking. Also, losing too much weight can start to make your face look hard as there is too much fat loss, to the point of there being no padding on you at all. Because you exercise rigorously, your muscles will be toned, but the reduced fat levels will give you an almost masculine appearance, which isn't particularly attractive. Too much fat loss will also make you lose all your softness as a woman. The softness is a lovely thing, and very feminine indeed.
Keep in mind, that with fat loss is also a loss of your feminine curves. The less fat on your bones, the less curves and that includes hips and breasts. Too much fat loss will also mean no bottom either. It will affect how you look in your clothes, and you might not like how they fit. Too much weight loss will mean they hang on you and don't fit properly. Your bras won't fit properly either.
Your fiance might not like the way you look. He might think that you are getting a bit obsessed with it all. When people lose weight, they can't always see how thin they are actually getting. You can lose touch with reality almost entirely, in your enthusiasm.
What I suggest you do, is strip right down to your undies and stand in front of a full-length mirror and really take a good look at your body then turn sideways and look at your bottom. You must be totally honest with yourself and what you see in the mirror. Don't forget to weigh yourself regularly as well and have some reference point as to what is the desired weight for your height and skeletal frame.
Also a good guideline is how your clothes fit. If it is just that your current clothes are slightly tight, then there's not much weight you need to lose.
It's probably a good idea also, to consult your family doctor to see what he/she says is your ideal weight for your height. Straight away they will know, just by looking at you - even in your clothes. The doctor will then also ask you to step on the scales to be absolutely sure.
If you do start to get too thin, you might start to become unwell as a result. Losing too much weight can become a very serious health issue.
My guess is your fiance has some real concerns for your general health. If you haven't been looking at other men or given your man any reason to doubt you, it is most likely a case of he thinks you don't know when to stop.
Hope this helps you. Best wishes.
...............................
|
