A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had gone to his friends wedding several months ago and when he returned from the wedding he was gushing about his friend's wife. While I didnt know why he took such a huge interest in her, cause it makes no sense, but he was bringing up details such as how she works out alot, how the gym she goes to is one of the best, even bringing up the way she talks! Telling me that she says similar expressions to ones I say! How she is a bad driver. But always laughing or with a smile when he would talk about her like he thought it was cute or something. And all I had asked was, how was the wedding? It rubbed me the wrong way and I became suspicious. Shortly after this we moved to the same town they live in (which we'd already had planned) and I met this couple and we started hanging with them more often. He used to hang with them all the time. I noticed she was very flirty with my boyfriend, always telling him how cute he looks or offering to do nice things for him. Always interrupting our conversations so she could tell my boyfriend something. And always telling him stuff about herself. But stuff that would require a compliment from him. Like one time she interrupted us so she could tell HIM about some modeling she'd done...like, wtf? Why is she telling my boyfriend this stuff?But at the end of the day my problem is not her, it's him. And I felt like he was buying into this "no filter" attitude of her's and it seemed he enjoyed the attention without caring about me and how this all made me feel. Another unusual thing was whenever he would hang with them he'd never answer my calls. We broke up a couple of times because of this and he came crying back to me and acknowledged he'd been an ass and acknowledged I was getting the shaft at the cost of him putting "them" above me. I forgave him but I never got a satisfactory answer as to what went on here. He denied having a crush on her and told me I'm the only girl he loves, blah, blah. My question is, did he have a crush on his friend's wife? That seems crazy to me but I can't think of any other way to explain what happened.
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broke up, crush, flirt, friend's wife, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Like I said, crushes just happen sometimes. In this case it was probably due to the attention she was giving him. Everyone gets flattered when someone shows them attention. It's just part of human nature. It's likely that at some point you'll develop a crush on someone else as well. The key is always recognizing that there is a crush and not doing anything outside of the bounds of your relationship with it.
Like Tisha said though, you should trust your intuition. If you gut gives you a bad feeling, it's usually right in my experience.
It's good that you're not hanging out with them anymore.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Your intuition told you something was going on. From what you've written, you had some good grounds to suspect that. Why do you think that's crazy?
The relationship is over, is there some reason you are still working on trying to justify a warranted breakup?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): Hi dirtball. Thanks for the response. Well we don't hang with them anymore. And yeah I guess he did have a crush. He was doing business with them at the time...but I hated how I felt around them. But him aside, I don't feel threatened by her at all. I hate to sound vain but I am more beautiful than her, cooler and more intelligent. Haha, I know it sounds bad...but I guess that's how I feel. She sits around complaining about her husband and talking about penises all day. This is no joke. Like literally. She doesn't even work or have any interests in life besides what I mentioned. Ive never heard one intelligent or interesting thing come out of her mouth. I've also noticed she only hangs out with girls who are lesbians, or very unattractive and I suspect it's to eliminate all competition, if you see what I am saying. I could tell she always wanted to be the center of attention. And all of my boyfriends friends who also know them think shes annoying and ridiculous. These same guys think I'm very pretty and super cool....I don't get how my boyfriend would fall inlove with me and develop a crush on anyone period, much less on someone like that. It just doesn't add up...it's left me confused.But yeah even though it appears to be the case I just don't get it...I wonder if there is more to the story...maybe something I don't know...sigh
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 March 2013):
Based on what you've written, it's pretty obvious they dig each other a bit more than is appropriate for either of their relationships.
Crushes happen, we can't really control who or why sometimes. Still, no matter how you push, it's not a question he'll ever give an honest answer to. Quite simply it's a trap and he knows it. The truth is he has a crush, but the implications (no matter what you may say or think) of admitting that crush are too dire. First to lose your relationship, and also it could damage his relationship with his friend.
On one hand, it's unlikely it will ever progress beyond flirting unless they get a divorce. On the other hand, it will be a constant distraction that is not likely to go away. The only way to get over a crush in most cases is to cut them out of your life. That's very unlikely to happen.
What should you do? That's up to you. I'm not a fan of make up/ break up relationships. Usually the thing that drove you apart the first time will do it again because despite pleas to the contrary, people do not change. It's a hard truth to face, but true change is very rare in a person.
Best of luck with a tough situation that will take some tough decisions.
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