A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I recently started working for an insurance company and at first my boss was a complete arsehole to me, but now three months later she’s being nice as pie and even flirty with me. I’ve even got the distinct feeling she fancies me. I’m so confused...So the back story is I started working there back in August. I work in the accounts department and my boss is the head accountant. She leads a group of 11 others in our department, including me. When I first started she was as cold as ice with me. Some mornings she’d barely even acknowledge I was there. I did struggle at first and she’d berate me at any opportunity whenever I made a mistake. One time she made a point of shouting at me in front of all my colleagues when I made a mistake, it was completely humiliating. I always thought it was really unfair how she’d target me most of the time instead of any of the others. Even another guy who started after me and is making similar mistakes hasn’t had it anywhere near as bad.It got to the point where I was considering quitting as I just woke up every morning dreading the day ahead. However for the past few weeks or so she’s completely changed her tune with me. I remember sitting at my desk on a Monday morning and she came in and actually said ‘Good morning’ and smiled at me. She even asked how my weekend was. I was really taken aback because most days I’d be lucky if I got a ‘hi’ and a passing glance from her. From that point she’s been so nice. I kept thinking to myself that the first few months were all a test and that she was just pushing me to try and get the best out of me as an employee and now she was going to be nice but in all honesty, I wouldn’t say I’ve improved a whole lot since I started. That’s not to say I’m not putting the effort in, but I’ve just always been a slow learner. I’m still making mistakes and errors here and there but now she doesn’t seem to care at all. One time last week I made a really notable mistake on my paperwork and thought she’d go insane over it but instead she just calmly pointed it out, gave me a light-hearted clip round the ear and then just laughed it off afterwards. Here’s some other signs that she likes me and has been flirty:One Morning she came in moaning about how cold it was outside. Even though she was on the other side of the room she made a beeline for my desk just so she could grab my hand to show me how cold her hands were. She’s also been asking me so much about my personal life. Like about my family, my hobbies etc. When she asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no the biggest smirk went across her face. One morning I’d forgotten to bring my lunch in and she gave me £10 out of her own pocket to go and buy something from the cafe across the road. I told her I’d pay her back but she insisted I didn’t have to. Every Wednesday morning we have a department meeting to go through things and for the past two weeks she’s made a point of sitting next to me at these meetings. The first time she told me I smelled nice and liked me aftershave. Then this week she mentioned during the meeting that she was really tired and later proceeded to rest her head on my shoulder as the meeting wound down. She also sits on my desk whenever she needs to talk to me about something. One day she was more or less sprawled across it as she spoke to me.I told my friends about it and they all think I’m ‘in there’ with her but I’m not sure. Part of me thinks it all some kind of game she’s playing to lull me into a false sense of security before she finds a reason to fire me. I’m not gonna lie though, if it is genuine then I have to admit I do find her attractive even though there’s almost a 20 year age gap between us. I’m 23 and she’s 41. She does have a very curvy, voluptuous figure and looks great for her age. Would love to know your opinions on this.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 November 2019):
 Is it possible someone has had a word with her and pulled her up on her shitty behaviour towards you? I ask because our FC at work used to swear at his staff when he lost his temper until one or two people (strangely, not the people who were at the receiving end of his anger) had a word with higher management. He was spoken to and now doesn't speak to his staff in this totally unacceptable way.
Whether she fancies you or not, starting a romance in the work place is NEVER a good idea. If you think she was shitty with you before, imagine what she would be like if you had a relationship and it didn't work out. Keep it in your pants, keep your head down and try to do your job with the minimum of mistakes. THAT would be MY advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2019): She sounds like an unstable nightmare! First of all, she has no idea how to manage people or how to treat them properly and fairly in the workplace. She sounds selfish and immature. The workplace is not just all about her and her moods and how she feels. She is there to do a job of work which includes mentoring and encouraging you if she was any kind of boss worth her salt and wages.
NOW, she seems to have decided she likes you. And so she is behaving just as badly and unprofessionally in the opposite, extreme behaviour. She should be reported to human resources for crossing your personal boundaries at work.
You have to think that if she is this unstable, unpredictable, immature and unprofessional at work, what you would be getting into if you decided to get involved with her. Woe betide you and your job if you piss her off in any way whatsoever!!
You also have to consider that she is such a prick that playing mind games with people is how she gets her kicks. She is in the position to be able to affect people quite deeply by her behaviour, i.e. whether she makes people excel at their job and look forward to going to work, or whether she chooses to make them dread it.
Whether or not you choose to think with your big head or your little one, I think that your job is already at risk if you reject her unless you report her inappropriate behaviour.
And if you DO accept her advances and choose to escalate this to something personal and outside the office, that not only the safety of your job will be subject to her moods and happiness with your relationship with her, but your sanity also.
If you wish to be mature and choose your job over her, then anything else that she does that is inappropriate in the workplace should be reported by you to human resources.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2019): I think she is giving you a fair opportunity to redeem yourself. If you know you make a lot of mistakes; don't get your hopes up that she's falling for you.
Accounting and finance departments within a company are the soul and working-mechanisms that keeps the business going. Dealing with money coming in, and going out. Money is the lifeblood of the business.
Mistakes are costly and sometimes a liability. I'm doubtful she wants to make you her boy-toy; maybe she's trying to build your confidence. Even if she likes you as you suspect, she won't for long! If your careless mistakes continue; or if you make a huge one that could be a loss to the business, her bosses will tell her what to do about you. In spite of her feelings, it comes down to the bottomline. She may feel sorry for you, or sense she has been too hard. Trust that her behavior will change when it comes to covering her own bum! I'm the regional director of a large business, and I've seen it all! You could be right about her to some degree.
I'm skeptical of the head on the shoulder story, or sprawling across the desk. That would be asking to get herself fired! It could also mean she's planning to leave; and she's not certain of your fate, should that occur. I think you may be growing on her; or she can see the lack of self-confidence that needs some tweaking. Otherwise, her odd behavior is totally inappropriate.
I will attribute your misguided-notions to your youth and inexperience. I don't think you're picking-up the right signals. Poor-performance gets you fired; it doesn't warm the cockles of your boss's heart. If it is evident to your co-workers that you under-perform; and it would be all too obvious to everyone if you receive any favoritism. Trust this warning. If that be the case, major resentment will be formed towards you; and somebody will get you ousted. One-way, or another!
My advice is this. Keep your head low, your nose to the grinder, and give 200%!!! If you need this job! Careful how you read things. Even more seriously, don't make implications outwardly to your co-workers; who will relay what you say back to the boss. Your description of her reflects a vivid and fertile imagination.
Perhaps laws regarding ethics and conduct on the job are different about sexual-harassment in the UK; but blatant behavior like you've described would be screaming for either a lawsuit, or begging to be fired for inappropriate behavior towards an employee.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 November 2019):
 Oh and if she keeps this up and makes you uncomfortable, you talk to HR!
If she was a guy in his 40's behaving like this around a 20 something young lady we ALL know what kind of suits would be filed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 November 2019):
She doesn't sound like a VERY good boss at all. EVERYONE makes mistakes when first starting a new job, it's just is what it is. You learn from them (hopefully) and move forward.
I think you are not going to be fired, I think SOMEONE might have complained on HOW she treated you to higher ups or they heard it somehow and now she is trying to cover HER ass, so SHE isn't being fired.
THAT would be my guess.
Or she knows reviews are coming up.
Or, she likes to play mind games. And you are her current "target".
My advice? She hands you $10 for lunch, you give her $10 back the next day, no matter what she says. DO NOT be in the position of OWING her anything.
Second advice, BE polite but PROFESSIONAL, do NOT engage with flirtation with her. The LAST thing you need is an office fling with the boss, SURE way to get fired. She might be attractive but you already know she is a bitchy twat as well, do NOT mix romance and work, especially with someone as vindictive and all over the place as her.
I would ALSO avoid all this physical handsy stuff... her resting her head on your shoulder during a meeting? Freaking inappropriate! Next time drop a pen on the floor and excuse yourself to pick it up, she would have to move her head and when you sit back again have your chair scooted away a bit from hers. Just be subtle.
When you got hired was there are trial period on your contract? Many companies do a 90 days trial period to see if someone is a good fit for the job, office, team, company. So if you DID have a trial period and have passed the end date, you should be fine, though again most companies do an evaluation/review to see if the EMPLOYEE (you in this case) are happy with the job and still wants to stay, sometimes this is also the time for the first pay raise. At least that is my experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2019): Sorry but nothing you say makes me think she fancies you. She's probably just learnt that yelling at people isn't the way to get the best out of them. Don't try and pursue anything at work.. it will only end badly
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