A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, sorry for how long this is first of all!I've been with my current boyfriend, officially dating for a few months now so not that long but we were seeing each other for a little while before this.However, when we had just started seeing each other, before anyone really knew we were established as that, on two nights out in a row, I ended up getting with [nothing in terms of sex] a random guy I'd not met before. It was kind of exciting because I'd never done anything like it before and he is a very attractive man. I then saw him a third time and told him no towards his advances because I was seeing someone and thought that would be the end of it, never having to see him again as he doesn't live anywhere near me.But I then found out he frequently comes to visit a friend of his who does live here and therefore have seen him a few more times. Every time I do he is incredibly flirty and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still attracted to him.I've told my boyfriend everything that happened and assured him that I won't ever get with him again etc and he tells me that he believes me. But my boyfriend admitted to me that he gets v.jealous over the situation, hates the fact that I got with this guy when I was supposedly seeing him and it obviously bothers him.My boyfriend has since 'made friends' with this guy and I can't help but feel a bit...awkward about the whole thing. I constantly feel guilty or awkward when this other guy is around even though nothing has happened for months, and even more so because I know I'm still attracted to him. I wasn't lying when I told my boyfriend that nothing would happen with him again, but I hate feeling like this. Is there anything you could advise me with to help me stop my boyfriend feeling or reacting like this? Or to help me see that he really does mean it when he says he trusts me? Thank you. :)
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 When you're kissing a random guy, don't you think that is a pretty good sign of encouragement? If I were a guy that would be encouraging. Your boyfriend feels insecure because you are still attracted to the guy and he knows you were getting with him. Be supportive of your boyfriend and give this some time. Do not give the other guy any more encouragement. He already knows you're attracted to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't still hang out with this guy, just coincidentally bump into him every now and then. But my boyfriend and I are both at Uni and him and this guy are members of a society so my bf made friends with him through that, before he knew who he was. I mean, maybe I shouldn't have told him who it was, he's always going on about how the guy is better looking than him, how I probably prefer him etc and as much as I tell him - and mean - the total opposite, it doesn't seem to sink in. Oh and the getting with thing, was pretty casual. I knew what the other guys intentions were but didn't encourage that past kissing him.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (22 January 2008):
I knew what getting with someone meant but some people make it out to be something really casual. Only time will tell if he trusts you. It' something you have to earn back. He has reason not to trust you though. The other guy has reasons to think you're attracted o him too. Did your boyfriend befriend this other guy because you still hang out with him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the UK, if you refer to something as 'getting with them' its the same as going out, flirting with someone and kissing/french kissing them. It would usually result in a one night stand but I couldn't bring myself to do that kind of thing.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (21 January 2008):
What does "getting with" mean? What did you do with him?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Sometimes what is said through the mouth may not be the same as what is in his heart.He may say that he trust you but deep down , he may have reservations.
The best way to make him trust you is to remove yourself from that friend's presence . If you meet him , just say hi and move on. Do not have any close rapport with him. You, your b/f and him should not be in the same company . Period!
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