A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear fellows,I am with a guy about 4 months now. We both study but in different universities in different cities, so we don't share a place together. However we find time some weekends to meet each other, either in my place or his. He is really a nice guy (in a sense that he doesn't smoke/drink/go out in nightclubs etc.), he is the kind of guy that prefers to stay home and ruther read a good book. Nor that, that bothers me, for sometimes I myself am that kind of person. We have a great time together with endless conversations about our dreams and life in general and I enjoy that in a guy. Also, we both were each other's first relationship/kiss/sex partner.Despite that I don't and I never felt something deep for him. The fact is, he is not the kind of guy I was always dreamed about having (oh well, I know that I am not the only one experiencing such problem!) Is not that he sucks as a person... I mean he is quite smart and very ambitious, but he lucks modestry and physical appearance. Well nowadays I ignored the last one, for it is not that important in a relationship and besides ... I am not perfect either. But the fact that he brags too much about his knowledge and achievments, holds me back and reconsider if I trully love that man or not. I never said I don't want him to be a successful or an intelligent man, but a luck of modestry is what I truly despite in a person (not nessecarily a boyfriend). He also considers hisself above all ("The prof gave us an exercise and no one could do it.. Even "I" couldn't solve it!", or "She -refering to a chinese girl- makes too much mistakes -when he speaks german-, although he lived more time than me in Germany"; are only some examples of that behaviour).I trully tried to eliminate all those factors in my mind (well, I accepted that everyone has its weekness) and hoped that with the time I will love him. But that proved to be wrong. I tried once to tell him to broke up and that I don't love him as my boyfriend, but rather as a very good friend. I tell him the truth, but he couldn't listen...It was then the first time in my life that I saw a man crying so badly ... for me. He told me that he will commit suicide if I leave him and that his life doesn't have any meaning without me. I cried beside him and tell him with a sincere look "Ok, I want us to be couple again". Then I decided to stay with him and just accept that with his love I will eventually love him. But I still cannot find any love and I regret almost everyday the first time that I told him "yes" to be a couple. Please, my question is as simple and familiar as you can guess. I don't want him to be my boyfriend but I don't want again either to hurt his feelings, now that I know how sensitive he is.What shall I do? I told him the truth as sincere as I could... What remains to do to make him change mind and accept the fact that I don't want him?Thanks for listening,Anitsirh
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female
reader, earsopen  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I understand you've tried to call it off before and he made you feel guilty. Unfortunately you must just tell him your not in love with him. Holding on to him just because he's sensitive, I'm sure you know is the wrong reason to be with someone. If you stay you will only end up hurting him more and it doesn't seem you want to do that. Of coarse it will not be easy. There never is an easy way to do something you know will hurt someone. Try not to let your heart get in the way this time. Just keep telling yourself you'll be hurting him more if you stay. He will get over you and move on. Right now all your doing is keeping him in a relationship which in his mind someday will work out. It's not a good idea to stay friends with him. He'll just hold on to the thought that if he tries hard enough he will win you over. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 There is the slow and the quick way.
The quick way is like a surgical knife, very sharp and very clean.Get out of his life completely and disappear from his world.
The slow way is to let things cool down and slowly die.
There is no way you can leave without pain to him. He will have to learn how to handle them.
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