A
female
age
36-40,
*reenflower
writes:I'm in a relationship right now and I'm going through the "ex phase" where I stalk her/them, compare myself to her/them, and question whether he'd be better off with her/them? Currently, I'm in the does he think of her/them, does he fantasize about their intimacy, does he wish i was more like her/them? etc.That's what stemmed this question. Does the love for previous girlfriend/boyfriends ever die? Does it ever end or do you hold it in your heart? Do you always feel the first love you had?So let's say it does end, what about for widowers? Does the love they felt die as well? Do they carry that love forever?If it doesn't end, and the love for different significant others is just "different" from one another... what the hell is that even supposed to mean? was ex-gf-1 loved like a princess while ex-gf2 was a person and then me is some type of hybrid? What do you think really happens to love when you move on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Here is the truth. It has taken me many years to understand. You need to know before you breakup a family, as I have.
Remember making love with your ex and forgetting what you were doing, where you were doing it and who you were doing it with? When you blanked out, did you feel your body? Were you asleep? The answer is likely that you and your intimate other went to the “zone”.
Anyone ever tell you about your soul? The one looking out your eyes, listening to your thoughts? The two of you did it right, congratulations, love is all that matters and you made it. Four eyes can see 360 degrees, an Indian told me. Your souls merged into one. Theoretically when you became one you became married without the paperwork.
Did not the Holy Bible say something about all this? Remember “until death do its part” and “to love and to cherish”? Can anyone say “soul”? When you become one with your other half and try to separate, it is horrifically painful. Imagine your arm being torn off your body by a passing bus, that’s the physical equivalent.
You fell in love, how cool, than you find there’s work involved, you wanted sex, not a job, and than your pissed, You break up, you run, something starts to hurt inside you, the pain makes you crazy.
Love is all that matters and you run, I ran also. Will you ever recover? Think about the arm and the bus story, what does recovery look like? The biggest regret of those lying in their death bed is that they did not spend more time with their loved ones. Love is all that matters. I think you get it now. Good luck, God Bless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): In the world where it is perfect, we immediately find our soul mate, made for us, we fall in love with no other and then we spend eternity in marital perfection, where we grow and love.
The world is messed up and we are not as we would like to be. You are insecure, you need to accept that you are being loved. The chasing of destructive fantasies is a way of proving to ourselves that we are not good enough.
The question for you is why you seek to sabotage your relationship....what makes you want to hurt yourself when there is trouble enough in the world.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 May 2010):
Love does die and end, yes. It has done for many people. It usually dies when someone has been purposely hurt by their partner, rather then anything else. I was cheated on by my ex, and I can honestly say that my love for her has since died. Clearly I was hurt for some time, but it did go away and now I'm with a far better woman.
Widowers will always have a place in their heart for their partner, but will often come to terms with it and move on. They never get over it, but they do come to terms with it.
When you move on, love moves on with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): love is always there, you can't just shut it out. it stays in the background. it fades but it never fully goes away. its like when you have a crush on someone, it never fully goes away you always have a soft spot for them. but remeber exes are always exes for a reason, and he chose YOU he wants you not them. don't stalk them it makes you feel worse, trust me, constantly comparing them to yourself and being like oh she is so much better so why is he with me. but the truth is beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he chose you. he doesn;t want them. he wants you.
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