A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can I ask for your advice?Can you give me your opinion on this:Boyfriend said he wanted to do his OWN thing at home on Saturday night.I tried to call him that night, no answer. Tried again, a while later, no answer.I'd text and ask what he's up to, as it's strange I can't reach him on any of his phones, he texts back hours later at midnight, saying, "I'm fine, goodnight".Talk to him next day, says he was out for a drive.. had no plans.. but after 15 minutes of talking and my mind being put at rest, he mentions he went to the movies with a girl (this girl I think he likes and she's always had a thing for him). She was back in town for the weekend and I didn't know.Anyways, I tired to play it down, told him if he wanted to catch up with her he should, it fell flat in my face and he straight away suggested he'll take her daughter to the zoo that day.. so he spent the Sunday with her too. He called me that night and I was understandably angry. He claimed she text him late Saturday and he decided to go because he thought I'd prob be busy anyway..he told me he turned the volume of his house phone down that night because he had a wrong number call.. which is why I apparently couldn't reach him.. I don't buy this..My questions are:Does it sound like he might have feelings for her and something may of happened?Would you be angry in my situation?Do I have a right to be jealous?Should I end it with this guy who I've been with for a long time? I feel deceived because it wasn't honest or out in the open. If he'd just mentioned he wanted to go out with her for a day, I would've understood as I have before.He spent most of Sunday out with her. Look forward to hearing your opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Oh my.. you have been with him for a very long time you say, so I would imagine that the advice to dump him is not going to be as easy for you as it seems! I'm assuming you are in love with him.. Are you not.
You contradict yourself in a way. At first you seem to me to be very trusting of your boyfriend. You tell him that he can catch up with her if he wants to and that you have said this previously as well. And that takes a lot of trust in my opinion. But this overall post seems very untrusting.
I must admit it does sound a bit off, the excuse that he used about his house phone and turning the volume down, but afterall, it could be true. It's just so hard to tell and trust is such a hard thing. I really feel for you.
You told him he could go and he suggested Sunday so unfortunately, you have given up anger rights for Sunday. But of course you're allowed to be jealous.
I would just take a look at your relationship. you've been with him for a long time: is that because you trust each other, loveeach other, know that neither of you ever wants to be with anyone else, and genuinly have fun togheter? Or is it because you have gotten comfortable? And it seems like you can't live without him but not because you're so deeply in love; only because it's been that way for so long, you can't see anything else anymore.
I think you should figure out what the truth is there and why you are really with him. If you found out that it's not really for a good reaeson, then you shouldn't have to bother with this hassle and trying to figure this out. But if its really for all the right reasons, then you can make it work, as long as he did not cheat on you emotionally or physically.
~Sy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Think about it logically please would you let your child go to the ZOO with a STRANGER or some guy you just know casually. Most mothers are very protective of their children and don't eant casual male aquaintances around them unless they are dating the guy seriouslky are very very close and trusting friend. Soiunds like this guy has found a woman with an adorable little kid that he likes to spend time with. You should move on don't enterfere and dump him. Or just continue to be pushed aside when this woman and her child come around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): well whether or not he's actually cheating or he has feelings for her he lied to you about what he was doing when he was seeing another woman. as far as im concerned thats a big no no. it just shows he doesn't respect you and thinks that you might have a reason for not trusting him!
i'm not a jealous person really but i do demand respect and trust and you don't have that from him and how can you trust someone who lies to you?
dump him and find someone who;ll treat you right
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A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Hello sweetie,
First of all, he should've told you what he was up to if you asked and you have every right to be angry about this. Although, it is a matter of trust if you choose to believe if something has happened between them or not.
However, sometimes, as human beings, when were are feeling jealous or insecure, we sometimes don't see the full picture because our minds won't let us. Are you sure they're not just friends? He may have thought he was doing her a favour taking her child out for the day - but I completely understand your angst either way.
At the end of the day, the only thing that you can do I'm afraid is either trust that nothing is happening/has happened/will happen or finish with him because a relationship is nothing without trust - and those who think it is normally end up getting hurt or hurting someone else.
In your situation, personally, I would be very angry but I am a very jealous person even when there is no need to be!
Sorry I can't be of more help.
x x x x
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