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anonymous
writes:Hoping someone can help.Pretty straightforward question...nothing too dramatic. My boyfriend ended it with me..completely back in March. He did it by email and I assumed I was kaput. No matter. I guess I still like him but have moved on and am doing ok. I saw him at a function a few nights ago. I was pleasant with him but was with a group of friends. I sort of feel like I am over it. I just got an email from him saying he wanted to talk to me when I was at the function but I was with a group of people. He said that he thought I had misconstrued the email he sent me. I balance this off with the fact that I have not heard from him in three months. He wants to meet and talk after a function where we will see each other next week. My question is.. I guess it confuses me a bit because I have moved on but still have some feelings. Any replies welcome from the awesome agony aunts on this site. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all who answered. Good intelligent advice. I like looking at the flags where people are from and it lets me know that good people come from everywhere.
Thank you xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I agree with PeterPan. I would want to hear what he had to say about that email and how he can possibly think that you misconstrued his email even though he hasn't talked to you in so long. It sounds to me as though seeing you suddenly brought memories back to him that made him miss you and now he is going to try and make up excuses as to why he brock up with you in a email (which is very low). If you want to see what he has to say then read that email before you go so it's all in your mind. This will help you talk about what "misconstrued"s he though you had made and it will probably remind you of how unreliable a boyfriend he seems to be.It's always good to talk, it will help clear your mind over what happened and leave you with no lingering doupts. But if you have moved on then you can tell him this. Don't get drawn back into the relationship unless you are sure it's what you definately want.Good Luck. X
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reader, Madame M  +, writes (25 May 2008):
This is a classic series of events that happens in many relationships: man gives woman the message to back off, the woman takes it seriously and complies; then the man resumes his interest.
It is up to you to decide whether you want to get back into an involvment with him or not, but it is possible that is what he might have in mind, even if he doesn't ask directly. To what degree, I can't say, and since you have begun the process of getting over him but still have feelings for him, you are in a vulnerable position where you could easily go back to romantic relationship with him without reflecting on what you really want for yourself.
It's not always easy to say whether guys do this on purpose or subconsciously, if they are just trying to get space, or if they are attempting to control you. What happened before you broke up, did you feel perhaps you had pushed the relationship a bit more than he was comfortable with? If that were the case there could be a message coming from him that he wants you, but only on his own terms and at his own pace. You will have to decide if that is the kind of relationship where you will feel accepted and whole, before you meet him and hear what he wants to say.
It's so interesting that the general assumption is that women like to play mind games. There are certain kinds of men that seem to live by them. I don't know if yours is one of these, but please consider these dynamics as you are back in contact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): judge but actions not words, whatever he might say.
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reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (25 May 2008):
I agree. Talking can be a good thing. But if you've moved on and decided the best for you is not being with him, then keep that in mind all along. Maybe he's feeling sort of embarrassed because he broke up with you by email (a crappy thing to do IMHO) and wants to clarify things.
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reader, PeterPan  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Talking is always fine... if I were in your shoes, I'd be curious to hear what he's got to say ...and depending on that, why it took him 3 months to make contact again. So, judge what he's got to say, but if you've moved on, then that's that. Like I said, talking is always fine and I'm sure you're curious... just don't let him pull you back down or into another relationship with him unless it's something you want as well!
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