A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lately, I've been thinking. Everyone here has an ideal type of relationship, different things work for different people; but, I do wonder, how many of us really get the things we want/have the type of relationships we enjoy.The golden standard envisioned by society is one in which we have strictly monogamous relationships; we meet, mate, marry, etc. But how many of us REALLY want this type of relationship. How much of the need for getting married is a desire to not be alone (security/safety), or, because you've got a kid on the way, or, because you just couldn't do any better and your biological clock is ticking; and how much of it is because we've actually met someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I trust that many of us here have met someone we truly love but, after so many years, don't you ever get tired of someone? You know it happens to a whole lot of us; eventually the passion/fire just dies, and then, what are you left with? Do you just stay together for the kids, do you love your family more than your husband/wife, thus you stay together? If you don't have kids, is there no reason to stay together if you're married and there's just no fire left? Is there someone here who has genuinely (GENUINELY) been married for an extended period of time (lets say 8-10+ years, approx) and is still truly satisfied with their relationship? Do you really believe that there is someone out there, that you could not/never tire of, your entire life. If you think about it, nobody is remarkable; we all have varying degrees of personality quirks, some of them you incompatible with a person, some of them make you more compatible. All couples fight, every so often. Some of us want kids, some of us don't. Sex, often, gets bland after sometime, even if your tastes are compatible, and by this, I mean, if you've been browsing this site, you have a pretty good understanding of the WIDE variety of sexual tastes/kinks. How important is the sex to you, anyway? My experience is that you CAN have too much of it.Or is the point just to have a never-ending rotation of mates in your life; instead of finding a way to re-light the fire, just get a new one. Isn't this a sad thing? Suddenly the quality of the person doesn't matter if, no matter what, you can't stay "in love" with anyone for too long a time.Then again, maybe you'd like to discuss what love is, to begin with. Maybe it's not so much the feeling, but the decision to be committed to someone. Is it enough to dedicate yourself to somebody; it's essentially living for an ideal, do you really think it's worth it? Would that make you happy? If you could never find yourself alone at any point in your life, what do you THINK you would need in order to be satisfied with your relationship(s)?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses, I'm always glad to hear other people's opinions on the matter. Best of luck to all of you, I hope you find what you're looking for. :)
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Very good and thought provoking questions.
If you have been brought up in a society where people are seen as disposable when one tires of them and have no reference to a happy marriage that has lasted more than 10 years, then it is easy to think "is this all there is" and how does anyone stay happy together longer than 10 years.
It really does happen but more so with older people. They just have a different set of values than people who are coming up today.
I have my parents as a model who were married for nearly 50 years until death did them part. There was no cheating, or abuse or other drama nonsense like goes on today.
They both had something called character, integrity, and loyalty. It wasn't about having the latest, or most expensive, or the best looking. They both got old and fat and wrinkly and you know what, they still loved each other and maybe more so.
Other examples in my family are sisters who have been married for 35 and 40 years respectively. My inlaws were married for 52 years until death did them part.
So the answer is yes, there is such a love that last forever. It is a choice though. It is something that needs work and care every day and add to that character and loyalty and being satisfied with what you have.
I really hope everyone can have as wonderful marriage as my parents had.
Best wishes xo
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (25 May 2008):
 This is a really interesting and thought provoking question.
I myself have often pondered if it is possible to be in a relationship where both parties love each other equally. In my experience I've found that one person in the relationship is always head-over-heels in love with the other, and never gets the same love back. I've been both people. Neither is a better place to be. To want love and not receive, or to be worshiped and unable to love in return.
This point that you raised got me thinking: "and how much of it is because we've actually met someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with."
I never really looked at marraige this way before, but it seems so true now. I'm sure most marraiges were based on love and wanting to be with the other person, however, I cannot think of any married couple who still share the same feelings for each other after many years. Most of us only need to look to our parents for an example. I'm sure that in alot of cases its the kids, the security, the mutual friends and family which keeps a marraige together. This is the sad truth. But perhaps it's not so sad afterall.. I mean, is it possible to have fire and passion in a relationship until the very end? And is a life of swiching partners once the fire goes out, any more satisfying than a life of a dull marraige?
Food for thought... :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I think you would get a lot of insight from the following book "The Road Less Traveled" by M Scott Peck
It is all about the questions you ask and the book has the answers you seek....
Happy Trails
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