A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is probably really stupid but it's something that bothers me sometimes so I want some opinions, please. I saw my boyfriend, of 4 years, over the weekend. We don't live together but do plan on doing so in the future. We had a perfect weekend together. Everything was fine when I left late Sunday night.He text me 2 short texts yesterday basically just checking in during his work day. They were short "love you, miss you" texts. Last night before bed he sent me a voice message telling me his co-workers would have his phone today from 10-6 and for me not to text anything dirty or crazy. His only phone right now is his walkie talkie work phone provided by his boss. My boyfriend's a plumber and on call 24/7. His boss had his other guys use it today because they've been slacking on jobs and this way he could get ahold of them.Anyway, I wake up this morning and he'd sent me a text at 8am that said "love you, don't forget they'll have my phone today". It was almost 10 before I checked my phone so I didn't reply. I haven't heard anything from my bf since. He's been on facebook a few times today and appears to be playing xbox at his friend's house right now so he has ways he could message me, call me, something. I feel upset. I feel bothered by the fact that he hasn't contacted me since 8 this morning yet is doing something else. I'm basically waiting to hear from him so I know he has his phone now. Even so, he could contact me other ways but hasn't. Am I overreacting? Should guys contact their girlfriends everyday?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): "I feel like if I contact him it'll be bothering him for the fact he hasn't contacted me."
You're his beloved girlfriend of 4 years, it won't bother him for you to contact him. Even it did it wouldn't bother him nearly as much as the anger and bitterness you're letting build up over the fact he hasn't contacted you.
OP this matters to you, contact him instead. It doesn't always have to be him doing it first.
He'll tell you if it bothers him, but it most likely won't.
But hey, you can always talk to him and ask him if it'd bother him if you contact him first instead. my guess is he'll say no of course not.
Personally I'd be more bothered by the idea I am somehow obliged to contact you every day because that's what you want but you never want to be the one to do it. That would annoy me, as would making this big a deal about it without talking to me about it.
Just send him a sweet message right now. He's hardly going to dump you for it, and if it was me it'd make my day, and who knows, he may even send something sweet back and this situation will be all fine again and you'll be happy once again.
OP never stew in anger and bitterness through inaction, do something about it. He hasn't sent you a sweet message? You do it. There's a problem with the frequency of your communication? Talk to him about it and outline your desires in that regard. It doesn't have to impact you so seriously, when there are simple practical steps you can take to resolve it.
I honestly can't see how you sending your boyfriend a sweet message will bother him, we guys love that kind of thing too, OP, we love to know we're being thought of in that moment and thought of in a lovely or sexy way.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2014):
 How Often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend? As often as necessary. As often as he likes. There is no set rule.
You said “This is probably really stupid” YES yes it is.
BUT it bothers you so the key is to figure out why it bothers you and how to work with it.
I assume your boyfriend is around your age. The fact that he does not have his own phone would bug me. What happens when he leaves this job? How will you get in touch with him then.
There was a time when we didn’t have cell phones, internet, facebook, x box etc… or ways to keep tabs on others. We just wandered around making calls from home, mailing letters, making plans and knowing that folks had lives without us.
He has the right to get on facebook and not contact you.
He has the right and the privilege to go to a friend’s house and play Xbox or watch a movie or something and not have your approval or permission.
Yes he could have messaged you but he didn’t. Because you are his girlfriend not his keeper.
Have you told him how you feel? When my now husband and I were dating we were LDR and he was lousy at daily contact. It drove me nuts. So one day I said to him “I need to have daily contact, not much just SOMETHING” He was not much of a texter so we used a lot of email and phone calls. Eventually we settled down into a routine where I would call him at 8 am (at his request) to get his day started…. And then if he needed me during the day he would contact me as needed. I also called him at night when I was ready for bed since I was always ready way before him. We might have days we talked 2-4 hours or other days it was a total of 2-4 minutes. But I never was hurt or angry or mad that he was having his life. If I called and he didn’t answer I left a message.
Are you over reacting.. Yes I think so.
Should guys contact their girlfriends every day… only if they want to or need to. There is no rule. If you need him to do so, then it’s ON YOU to explain it to him. Perhaps you should add a phone line to your plan and give it to him as a gift so you can always have that access you desire.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like if I contact him it'll be bothering him for the fact he hasn't contacted me. He's been on fb but hasn't made an attempt to call/text/message me therefore I'm kind of waiting on him to want to talk or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): "I'm not messaging him because he should tell me when he has the phone back."
You sound so petty and demanding. I'm sorry if that offends you, OP, but seriously... You keep a close watch on all the times he is available to contact you, check his xbox, check his Facebook, make a list of the exact times he's doing something so that you can use that specifically to be pissed off at him?
I can't believe anyone would tolerate four years of that from a person or is this just a recent problem for you?
You're being over the top. I mean have you nothing better to do than just sit around being pissed off he hasn't contacted you instead of sending him a facebook message? A woman who still hasn't bothered to reply to his original message this morning because she wants to be pissed off and feel hard done by instead?
You're purposefully trying to become angry with him and create drama, over nothing. A text, and something that apparently only works one way in your relationship because if it didn't, you'd have no problem sending him a sweet message on facebook.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried leaving another comment earlier and for someone it doesn't seem to have went through. I text him equally as much as he does me. The problem I'm having right now is that he was supposed to message me when he got his work phone back and I've yet to hear from him. It's now been over 24 hours. He was on facebook 45 minutes ago. That's what pisses me off. It also appears he was at his friend's playing on xbox until like 5am this morning. I can't call him anytime I want because it's his work phone so he always initiates our calls. I don't know if he does or doesn't have his phone back yet so I'm not saying anything. I think it's his place to inform me of that.If the roles were reversed and someone else had MY phone and I told him not to send anything and I'd message him when I got it back, I'd text him as soon as I got it back. I'd not sit there while he waited NOT contacting me 'cause he was unsure if it was okay or not. In this case I feel like it's his place to give me the green light.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): "How often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend?"
How often do you contact him? I mean instead of sitting there being upset and waiting for him to contact you why don't you send him a message? The work phone is no excuse when you say he could contact you other ways. You too can contact him on facebook can you not?
OP he sent you a text this morning at 8 and you didn't reply at all, yet you seem to think he's the one in the wrong for not contacting you? He did, you didn't reply even though you have seen him on Facebook and had a chance to message him there.
I'm sorry but this sounds petty after 4 years of being with someone. Your question makes you sound demanding because not once do you mention how often you contact him. Is there something we're missing here?
You know what my wife does when she wants contact with me but I haven't messaged her first? That's right, she sends me a message instead of waiting and using it as an excuse to be pissed off.
Communication goes both ways in our relationship, not once has she ever, in our 8 years together, been pissed off that I didn't message her because she knows if she wants to talk or anything that she only has to message me and we're then talking. If this is some kind of principle for you, and you feel he should be the only one to make contact and do so at the times you think he should then it's a principle not worth having in my opinion. If he for some mad reason doesn't want you contacting him first then you have much bigger problems here and he needs to get rid of that.
Seriously, OP, after 4 years and at our age, not having gotten a text message from your partner in a few hours really is not something worth making this big a deal out of is it? Just message him instead, why is that not something that you have mentioned in your post?
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 June 2014):
 A guy should contact his girlfriend as often as she needs it except . . . . .
- he should not contact her during work.
- he should not use a work phone for personal contacts.
- he should not ignore the friends he is with to stay in contact.
To answer your specific question: He should contact you when he has use of the phone again.
The work phone is a ticklish issue. I'm sure his boss has no problem with him using the phone when he is off duty but wants him to have that phone for unexpected calls. That would leave him carrying 2 phones in the evenings. Never send anything to his work phone that you don't want his boss or co workers to see. With all that in mind, he should probably have a basic phone of some sort that you can leave messages on that he can reply to when he is off duty. You need to be patient and not too clingy. Remember his work is what makes him available for fun dates. Without it all you would have is a leech hanging around your place eating all your food.
In other words a boy should contact his girl friend as often as she needs. A girl should be reasonable in her needs.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend's boss owns his own plumbing business and working for him is my boyfriend, and 2 other men. My boyfriend is the main go to guy so he usually carries the "work phone". It has a walkie talkie function where his boss can holler at him on the spot. These 2 other dudes have been taking 3 hours to do an hour job so he had to give them the phone yesterday so the boss could keep track of them while my bf worked with the boss. That's the first time this has happened but these guys are new so I don't find it strange.
I still haven't heard from him, and he hasn't been on facebook since around 4pm yesterday evening but it appears he was on xbox at his friend's house until around 5 this morning. It frustrates me that he can seem to go a day or 2 of no contact. I like at least hearing from him every day and a nice call here and there. I'm not messaging him because he should tell me when he has the phone back.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Hi, is this a normal that someone has his phone and you cant call. I would block my number and call his phone. Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe there is nothing to it?
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