A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It’s been a month or so since I got back together with this guy. The first night I spent with him he told me he didn’t want a relationship after his last girlfriend. That was fine with me and I still have no problem with it. Sometimes I think that he has stronger feelings than that. There are times when we are at his house where he asks if we can watch a movie, or one night we sat in his driveway and just talked for a while before we went to bed. He never really called me before one in the morning to come hangout, but once. This last week he has called me twice early in the evening like eight or so. I like to talk to him earlier in the night and I wouldn’t be offset by having more of a relationship with him, but the two times he called this week early I was really tired the one night and didn’t want to go out, and the second I had a tension headache that was killing me. I don’t want him to thing I am putting him off with excuses. Sometimes it is just these little things he does that I wouldn’t expect him to do like hold my hand in the car.Most of the signs say he doesn’t want anything more, the fact that we have sex everytime I see him, he wont call me for a few days and then start calling me again, things like that. I don’t want to ask him, I am afraid that I may ruin what we have now which is good. Any suggestions, do you think he wants more or is it just his way of making sure I stay around.
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female
reader, penta +, writes (6 August 2007):
 You have to decide what you want. If you're okay with the way it is (Friends with Benefits), then do nothing. Remember that this means the relationship will probably never go any further. But it sounds like you want more but you're afraid he doesn't share your feelings.
I think you need to risk being frank with him. Tell him what you want from the relationship and ask what he wants. It's possible that you two are a match, and that would be great. He is pursuing you after all.
But if this scares him off then you're better off. At least you won't be wasting your time on someone who doesn't want what you want. Give your heart some time to heal then go find the guy who's for you.
You won't find out if you keep quiet. Good luck hon.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 My experience is, in the world of love, you need to act according to cold, bare facts, even if your hot, beating heart wants to do otherwise. You need to act upon what you have on the table, and nothing else.
He said, right from the start, that he didn't want a relationship. I hate it when people say this, since, in this case, they should abstain from any contact except friendship. And I don't mean "friendship with benefits".
Sometimes this is the way to be able to dump you whenever they please. You can't have it against them, as they warned you about "no relationship".
I have the feeling that he is using you for the sex. You want more and would rather wait until he makes up his mind for more. But, he might never do this, and you will feel worse everytime.
You know yourself better than anyone, but, I would suggest you cut off the sex. Talk to him, et cetera, but no sex. See how far this takes you. If he continues to talk to you, well, he's a friend. But nothing else. And, don't give him any sex if he won't agree to more.
Take care, dear,
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