A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:About three months ago i split up from my first proper bf, we had been together for about a year and generally had a really good relationship. I had to split up with him because i was really depressed at the time because i was being bullied at my school, and simply felt that i couldnt cope with an intense relatioship. I am still in love with him though. A couple of days ago i chatted to him on instant messenger and we got on to the topic of the breakup. I explained the reasons why i, and my mother etc had wanted me to split with him. At the time of the split i got the impression that i really upset him and hurt him, (he deleted me from his computer etc in a rage - at least that was the impression i got) so i appologied for that as well. I askes him how he had coped with the split and there was a pause before he said 'i survived', i tried to make him feel better by saying jokey things like 'at least you dont have to put up with a demanding gf now' etc and his reply was 'i guess', i told him about how unhappy i had been and he wanted to hug me. Do you think he still has feelings for me? or is this just wishful thinkging on my part? any help would really be appriciated! thanks!
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reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (8 September 2007):
Well, that is a tough one to decide. He could still have feelings for you, or he may have been legitimately been pausing to think of how he felt and how much he should actually tell you. The role of a boyfriend is to stick by his girlfriend and help her out in circumstances like this. It seems like he was willing to take on this role, and might not have understood what he would be getting into and still probably doesn't. Danielepew is right that your reason might be a bit weak, but I think that would be more true if you were in your 20's or 30's and older. This sounds more like high school to me, so I might disagree with him on that point.He probably still has feelings for you, but that doesn't mean that he is willing to give it another shot. Your mother probably feels that you two needed to split so you could focus on getting well. You probably feel that you saved him from the pain of dealing with you and your problem. But he feels that he should have been part of your healing process and that he's already been burned by you once. He might not want to risk getting burned by you again even if he had been completely madly in love with you on an insane level. Danielepew is absolutely right that if you feel you are ready and healed, you should give it a try. It is the only way to find out. Your next question in the chat should have been something like, "Have you ever thought about trying again?" or "Would you be willing to try it again?" It would help if he knew that your mother agreed with the split back when it happened, but is okay with you two getting back together.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 Honestly, I couldn't tell whether he still has feelings for you. Obviously he was very hurt. If you still love him, maybe you should tell this openly and see what turns out.However, I'm afraid the odds are against you. I don't mean to be hurtful, but, your reason to split with him doesn't seem good enough. So, you would need to give him some kind of reassurance that you wouldn't dump him again just like the other time, which must have seemed like "out of the blue" for him. And then, he would need to overcome his wounds.That said, I still think you should give it a try. Only this time don't break up with him.Hope this helps.
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