A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my husband for 10 years, married for for 7 years on the 14th. Sometimes when we argue he tells me to pack my stuff and leave. I never do. But this time.. i'm really considering packing my things. Our arguments are always over petty things. This one.. was because i asked him to watch dinner while i had a quick shower. This was after i had found little metal bits in my hair from helping my husband put up metal fencing. I dont know. I find that when i ask him for help.. he gets really angry and tells me i can't do anything for myself and that i'm lazy. I know i shouldn't have asked him for help in the first place, but i thought it would have been ok. Clearly NOT. We have 2 kids together, i just dont understand why i have to be the one that leaves either. My working hours are more flexible, his aren't at all. I dont know what to do anymore. Im feeling really stuck, because i dont think that i can keep trying to keep my family together.I need help.. do i leave like he told me to. when he was angry? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2015): Do you love your husband? If so, try seeking professional help as a couple. It may be that he says to leave because he's actually insecure that you WILL leave. It sounds like he's insecure about something ...
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (9 June 2015):
 The variation on statement "if you don't like then pack your stuff and leave" is a learned expression in which the angry party seeks to establish dominance by blaming you for dis-attachment. Therefore, if you are to do that he will feel absolved at being angry while if you don't it makes him a "winner" in the argument. Since these are petty fights, then be more observant of the causes: how it gets triggered, who initiates it, why, what is the underlying intent, is it by design so that you back down... Or is it just his anger. The anger part is often an overlooked variable and lot of men suffer from this disorder. It could be triggered by your emotional or physical proximity, or as an expression of anxiety of various type. It often starts as irritability, nitpicking at trivialities, but all as an intent to fuel the anger impulse which ends only after the outburst. Afterwards, the person feels sense of guilt. If your guy is like this then he needs meds.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 June 2015):
 Why is there so much bitterness between the two of you? What's at the bottom of all this anger and hurt? No one just snaps at anyone without a reason, no matter how irrational the person. And if he's asking you to "just leave" then he seems to have really given up on the relationship.
When has this started from? Why is he so angry? Does he have problems at work? Are you having money problems?
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (9 June 2015):
 No, you shouldn't just up and leave, but you should try to get to the bottom of what the problems are in your marriage.
This can only be done by working it out together. Get some time together, and go out and have some fun (get a babysitter) and start reconnecting with each other. Make this a regular thing, and gradually he may open up to you about what it is he's frustrated about.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2015):
 I think you two should TRY and figure out why these arguments (over PETTY hings) arise. Are you not doing so well financially? or are you not invested IN each other no more? It it more like 2 room-mates with kids?
I'd say, find a day get a babysitter and TAKE him out to dinner and if you THINK you two can talk without it getting into an argument, talk about what's up. If you think it will escalate )then JUST enjoy the dinner with your husband. And talk after the kids are in bed.
Telling you to "just leave" is passive-aggressive and NOT at all helpful to EITHER of you.
And yes, if you two can't communicate what's up, I WOULD take the kids and spend a week elsewhere if possible. That might give YOU time to think and him time to think.
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