A
female
age
41-50,
*rincesspia
writes:hello! i have a boyfriend i meet him in internet he visited me twice last year(2009),when he get back back from canada he left me his loptop and i found out he was chatted a lot of girls from febuary(when he get back from his first vacation here until the day he will come here for his 2nd time visiting), and all the fight start from that day.since that day i started to have doubt about his love for me even though he accept me for having a 4 kids,from september 2009 until march 2010 we always fighting about my conclusion that he have someone else there, but everytime i was asking him about having someone else there he alwys answered me "that if he have someone else there why he will still sent me a money and chat with me almost evreydaywhen we are chatting i was asking him an excuse like i'l go in a kitchen to do something but im just observing him over the cam what is he doing then i saw him smilling while he was typing then i confront him i told him he was chatting while im in a kitcken, he said he just replied to his professor email, but i know he was lying,theres also a time when im calling at him it took so long for him to answere the phone and when he answered the phone the place where he is was very quite, he dont want also to put our picture in facebook or in any website, there's a time when im calling his phone the phone was off then after a few hours it will be open...i love him so much, yes i admit that i lied to him about my kids when he went here on his first visiting but God knows it was not my intention to hide my kids that time i was scared that he will left me when he knows that i have a 4 kids..please help me what to do, tell me if he really love me.. is it possible that he have someone else in his country, is it true that man can stay with out sex in 1 year this question is crazy but please i want to know ur opinion...Your advice will really be a big help... thank you so much!!! GOD BLESS...
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female
reader, princesspia +, writes (10 April 2010):
princesspia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello!
its me again i never told to him the first time he visited me about my 4 kids becoz i saw how hurt he was when i told to him that i was merried here but its not my intention to keep it for a long time then i told to him about my 4 kids before he came back here for his 2nd visit and he accept me and my 4 kids
to those who give an answere to my letter i am very thankful to all of u guys!tank u so much... so much!actually he is planning to visit me again this year!tahnk u guys! thank u so much!at this moment my mind is clear and i feel better now!i will never doubt him anymore, i will trust him more than 100%... lol!
thanks guys! thank u so much!
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 i think because you didnt tell the truth about your situation your scared he will do the same this is all about you and not him.. its not cheap to go from canada to the philly and he sends you money chats to you all the time. hes putting in big effort but you see him going off with other women.. this fears come from you not being honest not him.. also is he not allowed female friends? can he not chat to you and another person at the same time providing he is giving you the more attention..i think you need to revaluate yourself before pointing the finger of blame.. plus you looked at his personel space should he not be angry at you do you see him sniffing through your computer when your not their..this is not about him this is about you and not being truthful and you think he will do the same.. if he wants to be with you then he wouldnt bother with you he could get sex or another partner at home but he chooses to see you and be with you and if you constantly keep this up he will go and find someone else. so you need to change your habbits or what you truly want will be ruined by you and no one else. you have to change your obessive behaviours.. if his phone is off maybe hes having a shower or in a meeting at work. leave a message and hell call you later no big deal. if hes replying to and email and your away making coffee no big deal.. but spying on him and checking through his stuff is wrong and if you cannot trust him then their is no relationship its just a farce! so you need to change your thinking and your behaviour or this wont work and you and he will both get hurt from this.. thats what i think good luck aphex
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Hello Sister,Men will always be men, I believe. They always tend to have something on the side. And don't crack your head on these kind of issues about men it will just drive you insane and you will never get satisfied with the answers and will not understand why, lol. Trust, honesty and respect are very important aspects in a relationship. And I think you violate these aspects.But back to your post, Let me be blunt, why did you hide the truth about your children? Don't you think it is very unfair and selfish of you to hide all these things from him? He deserves to know the truth of who you are and what you are so he may know where he stands and he may know how to handle and accept things about you. If you felt he changed after first and second visits, it was because you were not honest about who you are. Did you consider also his feelings, how it feels like to be cheated? And now, you are feeling down for he might be cheating on you. Well, guess why? I don't know what to say, I just could not understand why you have to lie or hide if you love him. He deserves to know the truth especially if you have an excess baggage with you. Well, I think you need to give him time, give him space to think about your relationship. Don't nag by asking how he feels for you, stop asking about it. Let him communicate with his own feelings for you, if he really loves you, he will not go anywhere. You have hurt his feelings for not being honest,learn from your mistakes, you cheated first. Face the consequences of your actions, the problem started from you. Don't push him too hard, or else you will lose him even more.
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A
female
reader, lautnerlove  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 okay one of 2 things. either you are really gelous or you got a cheater. the only way to know is to let it go for a little while. Try to belive him. don't regect everything he says. maybe the things he say are actually true. if he starts dissapearing for a couple days or he keeps pushing you away like that. tell him to leave tell him to never come back and that your done playing all those games. take the advice it should help you find the truth
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