A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have known a man for over 2 years after meeting him through work, he is 48 and I am 33. I am single and he is married with children, whom I have never met, and even though we stopped working at the same place a year ago, we kept in touch from time to time via email and had a lovely friendship that was totally platonic. Out of the blue last summer we gradually began emailing one another more often and I became very attracted to him.I never thought Id ever tell him and hoped the feelings of attraction would pass, but they didn't and then he intimated he also felt attracted to me and the emailing became flirty and more intimate and we began texting each other as wellThe moral torment of being attracted to another woman's husband was horrible and although we admitted it would be amazing, we decided neither of us could ever go through with meeting up and doing anything about it and many times we decided to stop texting, but always started up again. He has never had an affair and Ive never had one either and it was the also first time either of us had flirted by text, and the buildup and excitment of it all months was incredible. I began to fall for him very much.Things came to ahead the weekend before Christmas when he surprised me by coming to my house on a spur of the moment decision and we spent the night together which was amazing. He said it was inevevitable that we had done it and he left the next day saying that he didn't regret it. Two days later (which was 2 days before Christmas) he rang me to say he wasn't feeling so great as he had committed a terrible act of betrayal. He sent me a text 2 days after that and that was the last I heard from him.I texted him a few times but he didn't respond and I had a horrible Christmas and New Year having no contact at all from him, worrying about how he was feeling, missing him and generally feeling wretched about the whole thing.I spent most of January under a terrible cloud, trying to move on and get over him, also not wanting to tell anyone about it because he is married.I realise that it's his way of coping with what happened, and that he abviously regrets it, and I also now realise how it is possible to fall for a married man. Before I would never have understood why anyone would or could have an affair, and now at least I feel that I would never judge anybody for getting themselves into a situation of forbidden love.However, it's been very painful and there's no-where to turn for sympathy and nowhere to go for closure. Whatever was between us, rightly or wrongly, ended with and amazing night and was immediately followed by no contact, and it's been so hard to pick myself up and move on.I would like to think that Ive learned a lesson in how painful affairs can be, and am Thankful that it didn't progress into one as I can't imagine how single partners in long-term affairs must feel if I can feel like this after one night.I wanted to share my story here, as I have looked online for advice for the 'other woman' in getting over an affair with a married man, and there isn't much around. Most of the books available on the subject are aimed at helping the spouse of the cheating partner and I just wanted anyone else out there who may have been through a similar situation to know that they are not alone.Thankyou for reading and any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.Pixie xx
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female
reader, Zen Laura  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Thanks for sharing, if only I read this and seek for help before mine is happened.
We both are church leaders, we knew each other for quite sometimes, we got together at first with a group of friends, outing, clubbing without his wife, I didn't feel it right at first, but I liked to go out with him.
I wouldn't say it was his fault, indeed I needed sex badly, I am a single mom, am divorced for almost 10 years, but I just can't do it with anyone.
It happened that he email me often, we started chatting through msn, skype then to gmail chat every night, even in his business trip. In these two years, he expressed to me how much he loves me, and how much he wanted to have me, he even said that he was thinking of me even though he is making love with his wife....
His wife told me before he had it many times with other girls. I shouldn't have trusted him, and I should have walked away, but at this time I love the feeling being attracted, being loved, being protected, being attended and being helped.
Same old cliche, he told me how bad relationship he and his wife are having, how he planned for his wife if they are not together... he just tried to manipulate to get my agreement we should start a relationship, and we will have future.(indeed I knew what is in his mind)
He was happy to have me as his soul-mate, treated me like his sister, bla bla bla...
He asked of sex beginning of this year, and I can't stand the temptation, we kissed at first date, I refused to have sex with him that night. I cried and cried, I was in deep struggling, I knew it was not right, but I chose to do it, I chose to ignore what my conscience has tried to tell me to do.
It was good, and fun, he even acted so happy like a child... when I wanted to stop, he manipulated and said he will take care of me....
In June he suddenly kept quiet, even didn't show online at all, I asked him why, 'pressure' is the word he used. That really made me looked down on him, he didn't settle it properly by telling me what he wanted to do, but ran away in this way, we both still seeing each other in church, the feeling is not that good to see him, especially I feel deeply I am being played by him.
Pressure?? He should knew that before even we started it. I am totally alright with the ending, indeed I've foreseen it, I didn't plan to have a good ending though, and I won't want to self condemning here for this is what I have chosen to have. I don't want to play self-pity here either.
But I knew it was not right to do it. And feel sorry for God that I didn't walk the way He wanted me to walk. For His Holy name is shamed by my deed.
We still serve in the same church, I just treated him as usual, but didn't talk to him much as I don't like his character, and the way he settles our relationship.
Still working out to put him away from my mind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): I'm in a terrible predicament. I met a guy through work who withheld information from me and said that he was in a "complicated" situation. I eventually forced him to tell me what it was and he confessed that he has a child, but that he and his wife have an "open marriage". I know I shouldn't have been so naive and I hate myself for what I've done because I found out that this wasn't the case. I don't know what to do - I feel absolutely horrible. I've cut communication with him, but I feel terrible and disgusted with myself knowing that I did that to his wife. Please help me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know I don't deserve any sympathy for what I've done to her, but maybe someone can relate and help me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): I understand what you are going through. The attraction is so intense you feel butterflies in your stomach when you picture him holding you and making sweet music. It sucks and I'm not going to judge you as I am going through the same thing. I never ever though I would fall this hard and this fast for someone that is married. It's sooo wrong but yet it feels so right. I feel bad but then I text him or meet up with him anyways.I'm so torn because I really can't just turn these feelings off. I used to look down on people that were married and cheating but now i've learned not to judge any situation until you experience that situation for yourself. I still don't know what to do. I've slept with him once and am currently trying to avoid him. It's a crazy situation because you want someone you really can't have but you have him anyways because you want him. Selfishness I guess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): I am 43, and have just slept with a married man a couple of years older. I met him at a function, and there was instant attraction. We dated a few times, and then it led to sex. I was happy and infatuated so I was willing to just have sex with him, knowing darn well that I may never hear from him again. Well, it's only been a few days, but I have not heard from him. I don't even know him THAT well it's ridiculous. I have never had an affair with a married man before, and I think it was a big mistake, because it's stuffed from the word go. I feel the pain now, but I will just cut all contact and get on with my life because if I don't, I will be asking for trouble, hoping and wondering if he will call me, and then if he does, then what? I am giving the power totally to him. It is a warped relationship to start with. Anyway, I just thought I'd share this awful experience...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Hie Pixie, I am in exactly the same situation, I ended up sleeping with my married friend. He wants to continue the friendship but I am not sure I can do it. And I am wracked with so much guilt as I even know the wife. I am praying for you and for myself.
All the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Hi Pixie,I thank you for writing your story. I am currently in that position and he keeps hassling me for sex. My morals have gotten in the way but I decided to give in but just found your story and now I know that it is too painful. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH!XXSXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Thankyou both for your advice, Ive been reading other stories on here for a while now and it has really helped and Im so glad I posted even if I did cock up sending a message to the Dear Cupid team (see below!).
Im feeling a bit better every day, and thinking about his wife and family does help a little in not feeling so sorry for myself.
Thankyou,
Pixie xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): As the wife of an adulterer, I can only tell you that keeping your distance will be helping his children and wife. I can't tell you the pain that a wife feels when she finds out her spouse has been unfaithful. And when there are children involved it is even worse. I think that he did the right thing by cutting all communication with you. I know that you are hurting and I don't want to take away from that but try to move on and finding someone that is right for you. Also, look to God and ask for forgiveness for the sin that you have committed. Do not condemn yourself. Once you have truly asked for forgiveness, your sinful past is wiped clean and you can start again the right way. Remember, temptation is not a sin, acting upon it is. For every temptation there is a way out, find it and run! Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Dear Cupid,
You very kindly posted my question under the title 'I slept with a married man, now I feel awful and don't know what to do?' today.
Im writing to ask if you might tag it under a few more headings other than 'Love Stories' for example cheating or fobidden love, as that way I may get more advice.
No worries if not but I thought I would ask anyway,
Many Thanks, your site is amazing,
Pixie xx
I have known a man for over 2 years after meeting him through work, he is 48 and I am 33. I am single and he is married with children, whom I have never met, and even though we stopped working at the same place a year ago, we kept in touch from time to time via email and had a lovely friendship that was totally platonic.
Out of the blue last summer we gradually began emailing one another more often and I became very attracted to him.
I never thought Id ever tell him and hoped the feelings of attraction would pass, but they didn't and then he intimated he also felt attracted to me and the emailing became flirty and more intimate and we began texting each other as well
The moral torment of being attracted to another woman's husband was horrible and although we admitted it would be amazing, we decided neither of us could ever go through with meeting up and doing anything about it and many times we decided to stop texting, but always started up again.
He has never had an affair and Ive never had one either and it was the also first time either of us had flirted by text, and the buildup and excitment of it all months was incredible. I began to fall for him very much.
Things came to ahead the weekend before Christmas when he surprised me by coming to my house on a spur of the moment decision and we spent the night together which was amazing. He said it was inevevitable that we had done it and he left the next day saying that he didn't regret it.
Two days later (which was 2 days before Christmas) he rang me to say he wasn't feeling so great as he had committed a terrible act of betrayal. He sent me a text 2 days after that and that was the last I heard from him.
I texted him a few times but he didn't respond and I had a horrible Christmas and New Year having no contact at all from him, worrying about how he was feeling, missing him and generally feeling wretched about the whole thing.
I spent most of January under a terrible cloud, trying to move on and get over him, also not wanting to tell anyone about it because he is married.
I realise that it's his way of coping with what happened, and that he abviously regrets it, and I also now realise how it is possible to fall for a married man. Before I would never have understood why anyone would or could have an affair, and now at least I feel that I would never judge anybody for getting themselves into a situation of forbidden love.
However, it's been very painful and there's no-where to turn for sympathy and nowhere to go for closure. Whatever was between us, rightly or wrongly, ended with and amazing night and was immediately followed by no contact, and it's been so hard to pick myself up and move on.
I would like to think that Ive learned a lesson in how painful affairs can be, and am Thankful that it didn't progress into one as I can't imagine how single partners in long-term affairs must feel if I can feel like this after one night.
I wanted to share my story here, as I have looked online for advice for the 'other woman' in getting over an affair with a married man, and there isn't much around. Most of the books available on the subject are aimed at helping the spouse of the cheating partner and I just wanted anyone else out there who may have been through a similar situation to know that they are not alone.
Thankyou for reading and any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Pixie xx
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Oh gosh. You must be feeling dreadful and it's brilliant that you've explained this so well in your question. This is the whole problem of getting involved with married men. The answer, as you're now finding out is just DON'T! It only ends up in you being hurt...and the hurt is very bad because once the man decides to end it there's no possibility of any contact at all. Anybody out there considering a 'fling' with a married man, my advice is simply: run a mile. As far as you're concerned, Pixie, all I can say is that time will heal. It will probably take a while and I know everybody tells you this, but as you move on and meet other people the memory of him will fade. I promise. If you want to talk more about it or are feeling desperate please mail me and I'll try to help.
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