A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex split in November 2013 due to him leaving for a new job then couple months later me finding out he met someone he knew and having a kid with her. Which I've asked many times but he will always denie anything. Anyway Feb this yr he randomly messaged me with a yr or so of not speaking. And before anyone says... YES I do still have feelings for him I always have.Anyway he's been coming down some weekends since September.Anyway this is the thing that has made me real confused he actually spent the whole of Xmas day with me including evening untill leaving late around midnight and all I kept thinking is what about his child he has with this girl.Is it normal behaviour to spend Xmas with ur ex and not with the child... He seemed quiet as he always says to me he hates Xmas anywayBut does anyone else thinks it's strange and maybe still likes me a little ? A close friend of me said he still has feelings I'm just not so sure
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 I think it is a poor show that he could not be bothered spending Christmas with his child. It could be that he was not allowed if they have broken up. I am not sure if he has feelings for you. He obviously just wanted some company at Christmas. My advice is don't allow him back in to break your heart. I mean if it was me I would have been asking him why he was not spending it with his child.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 December 2016):
 Why are you being a doormat for this bloke who doesn't even have enough respect for you to own up to a child he has fathered? He uses you as somewhere to stay some week-ends and you are grateful for this? If he is still with the mother of his child, I wonder what lies he spins them when he is with you? Who knows why he spent Christmas day with you, except him? Why have you not asked him directly? Is it because he still denies his own child? Or is it because you are so grateful that you don't want to rock the boat? I do hope that, one day soon, you wake up and realize you are worthy of being treated better than this guy is treating you. You are a convenience to him because you allow him to treat you like a convenience. Demand respect and honesty from him, as is the norm in any healthy relationship, and my guess is he will disappear again.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (31 December 2016):
 Are they still together? If not, she may not have wanted him around for the holidays, or whatever visitation rights they agreed on (or that a court ordered) may not have permitted it. Maybe his child's mother has a new partner in HER life and they spent Christmas together as a family, in which case this guy might not have been welcome, or have wished to attend. Or maybe he's still with her and trying to string both of you along at the same time.
Unfortunately, since he hasn't discussed the situation with you it's all guesswork on your part and on ours. You might consider making his next visit to your home conditional upon him being honest and transparent with you about his personal life. If he won't give details, ask the close friend if he or she knows anything more about the situation. That person seems to be trying to keep your hopes alive; it's strange and frankly very inappropriate and irresponsible of him/her to be doing so if this guy is still in a committed relationship with someone else.
Please tread carefully here. Re-investing emotionally in this guy before you have gotten to the bottom of his current relationship status and his motives for contacting you is a recipe for heartbreak.
I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Why are you doing this to yourself?
So what if you have feelings for him, he is NOT available to you. HE has a partner and a KID. You get the sloppy seconds. And so what that he spend Christmas day with you? IT doesn't mean he CARED deeply for you. It just means it was CONVENIENT for him. Maybe they had had a fight (possibly even over YOU) and he wanted to NOT be home, or he wanted butter you up or punish her.
YOU are doing this to yourself.
He is USING you.
All I'm asking, is, when you KNOW he is involved with another woman and has a KID with her, WHY are you wasting your time, your emotions and LIFE on this guy?
Yes, yes you still care for him.... you can care for him and love him and ACCEPT that you can't be with him. That is how you move on and FIND a man that IS available and isn't USING you as a pawn in his game of life.
You know this triangle thing is messed up, you are OLD enough to know this won't end well.
So WHAT do you want out of this? Do you want his as YOUR BF? Do you want him to leave his partner and child for you? How long do you think it will be before he contacts HER or another woman and does UNTO YOU what YOU have done unto his partner?
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