A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were dating for 4 years, until about 2 months ago. We broke up due to mutual decisions, which we both realise now are trivial compared to how much we love each other and want to be together. While we were broken up, I slept with someone else, it was nothing more then a rebound. My ex and I really want to get back together, however he says that because I slept with someone he needs to do the same before he can get back with me, hes treating me like I cheated on him, which I did not, and the thought of waiting for him to get to that point with another woman kills me. Am I right to say he shouldnt do that if he really loves me or is it fair? Its driving me crazy!!!
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female
reader, Blatanche  +, writes (25 July 2010):
I think that he is just being a jackass. Since you slept with this man AFTER breaking up with your BF, it is really none of his business. I think you'd best leave him, or you life won't be very happy.He is just acting petty. If he truly loves you, he would not mind! I wouldn't wanna be with him if I were you...:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010):
You sais that you and him are "getting back together".
Well, are you back together yet or not?
What he wants to do is only cheating if you ARE back together. If you're just "GETTING back together" then he's no more breaking the rules than you were when you had the rebound hookup.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Your relationship can't work. If he sleeps with someone else, you're going to feel betrayed and your relationship will start off on the wrong foot. If he doesn't sleep with someone before you officially are a couple again, he's either going to cheat during your relationship or continue to make you feel like shit for sleeping with someone else.
His sense of pride and need to get even is far stronger than the love he feels for you. Don't waste your time on a reconciliation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I'm surprised people are so upset.
Apparently it really bugs him that you slept with another guy as a rebound. Also, the decision to break up was mutual.
I think his reason is silly, but I *can* say that if I had broken up with someone, then we were apart a while, and then wanted to get together again, I would probably feel like a loser for having broken up for a while and left the opening for a one night stand.
I would not feel less like a loser if I then had sex with someone else though.
You can try to work this out with him, but if he can't let go of it, I'd advise you both to take a serious thought about if the relationship really is worth reviving.
It's not so much about who was right and who was not, but if the relationship really has a chance to become positive for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 If you use the same standard to judge him , then it is fair . Why is it O.K with you but not O.K with him ?
Since you are not officially back together again , he has a right to sleep with another woman first before he wants to commit back to you again.
Whether he will really sleep with another woman or not is anybody's guess. He may only say but may not do it.
What is sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander.
Whether it is ethical or morally right to do that is another issue.
If you really want to get back with him , you will have to accept his condition.
If you think this is not fair , then you are better off without him. This is the test of your wills. Who love each other more?
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (28 April 2010):
 You guys broke up. It's really none of his business who you slept with, because you guys didn't share that commitment you had before. For all you knew, this guy would be your ex forever. Are you just supposed to wait around and never have sex with anyone again because you have an ex? Of course not.
What he's doing however is wrong. You two have the intention of getting back together. That stage of commitment is starting once again, and he wants to suddenly sleep with someone else for the sake of revenge. It's not deserved revenge though. You didn't do anything wrong as long as you and him thought the relationship was over. He's talking about sleeping with someone while you two plan to get back together! Don't you see how childish that is? And either way, I really believe in the idea that people break up with each other for a reason, especially after so long of being together. Are you sure that you two even really want to get back together? Are you sure it's not just a comfort thing?
Plus the fact that you could sleep with someone so quickly after breaking up with this guy shows something too. I don't blame you for what you did, but maybe that's a sign of how things were with your ex. I think you might be a little too ready to get back into something that you might not want because you are afraid of being alone, hence the quick rebound episode. Maybe you should try being alone for a while and build up your individual confidence. I mean four years is a long time to be with someone. I think maybe you should take a step back, see what your ex is doing, remember why you broke up, and reconsider getting back together. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): After four years of dating, he knew the consequences that would evolve from any future break up, including how you would have no tie to him at all, and would possibly be with someone else in whatever way you wanted. Also, an eye for an eye never represents love, and is immoral. I can understand his pride suffering, but the truth is you never abandoned him for someone else, or cheated on him, because he mutually agreed to break up, and you can't cheat on someone that isn't there. He's trying to punish someone who never committed a crime against him. If he didn't want to suffer the consequences of a voided relationship, he should have never agreed to create that void. My suggestion is for both of you to treat it as starting over, because if you don't think of it that way, you'll always think of it as something that came between you, and nothing came between you if you left each other in heart. When you broke up, both of your hearts separated. He can't hold that against you, but if he acts out of negative emotion while you express your love for him, shaming himself will hurt him more than feeling you shamed him, when he knows that is a lie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): i agreed with the 2 ppl here, you have a right to sleep with who you like to and that time u have no relationship with him!
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A
female
reader, It's all be okay  +, writes (28 April 2010):
If you want to get back together, then get back together. If he says he wants to sleep with someone else and not get back together, then he doesn't want to get back together, does he? If I were you, I would say that you're willing to give it another go now, if he is. But that if he doesn't want to, for whatever reason, including saying that he wants to sleep with someone else first, then you'll move on. After all, if all he wants is something as simple as to have sex with someone else, he could just pay a prostitute tonight and then get back together tomorrow, couldn't he? So, it's really not about that. It's about something else.... and that something else is probably that he doesn't actually want to get back with you. Sorry :-(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Not only it's not fair,it's also immature,childish in fact. It's the kind of revenge a 13 years old would think of.
Two wrongs don't make a right- and, as you pointed out, you two were not together when you slept with the other guy. He wants to get "even"-but for what ?
It's understandable that he may be upset thinking of you with another man, but if he cannot learn to process his anger and jealousy about it and let go, you two are really in for a bumpy ride.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 April 2010):
No he doesn't love you, and this shows that it really isn't worth getting back with him at all. He just wants to have his cake and eat it. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. Perhaps those trivial reasons for you both breaking up were more serious than you think, because if he wants to do this, then he must have some serious issues. I wouldn't go back with him if I were you.
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