A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my fiance 4 years and we have a son up until my son was born our relationship was troubled. My fiance used to go out clubbing and never come home he would say he stayed with friends. I found texts off his ex and found out they had been phoning each other he used to tell me he loved me and then throw me out for no reason at all. Then when baby was born it all stopped but i cant stop thinking about it i still dont know to this day if he cheated and i dont even think he loves me i think hes only here for the baby he says thats not true but he wont marry me he bought me an engagement ring but he said i have to wait 7 years till he will marry me he wont even buy a house because it is too much committment i just dont know if he loves me or has cheated he doesnt even kiss me ther are no signs of affection at all and i want more what shall i do?
View related questions:
clubbing, fiance, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): Ask yourself just what you want out of life. Do you want to wait around and maybe he will marry you in 7 years time, or do you want to quit now, cut your loses and move on with your child? I know which one if would chose. Life is too short and stop wasting it on this loser. Sorry to sound so blunt, but he wont commit until he is ready, wont buy a house, until he is ready, what about you, dont you have a say in this. Put your foot down now and let him know just how you want it to be. If he doesnt like it then get rid of him now.
take care
xxxx
A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 See a lawyer. Make sure that his paternity and his responsibility to take care of the child are in a legal document.
Marriage is more than a quaint institution. It's a legal protection for any children that come of it. If he's not ready for marriage, then don't push marriage. You don't want to be married to someone who's not ready anyway.
But you need to make sure that he will help take care of the baby. It sounds like he had tried to "man up" and do what's expected, but he's not liking it. So you take care of the baby, and of yourself, first.
So tell him that you're okay with waiting 7 years, as long as he's willing to sign documents that take care of the child and of you. Marriage gives you both legal rights that you'll need for the child.
As for whether he's cheating, it's entirely possible. If you feel you can't trust him, then DO NOT marry him. You'll drive yourself crazy second guessing every piece of evidence, every thing he says and everything he does. Have yourself checked for STDs. And tell him that you'd like to start using condoms to make sure you don't get pregnant again -- that way he won't be able to pass anything on.
If you want to stay with him anyway, then maybe let the possible cheating thing go. Don't drive yourself crazy. Give him the chance to see if he can be comfortable with his new responsibilities. If not, then you both can part.
I'm very sorry to give such harsh advice; I hope everything works out for you and your baby. Good luck.
...............................
|
