A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloSo I'm very confused about a situation I'm experiencing. Is this guy flirting with me?So he's married, I;ve heard things that suggest he isn't happy but I have no certainty. Yes I kind of like him but he doesnt know and I'd never act on it as he's out of bounds but this is doing my head in. I don't want to not be friendly but equally I want to know why he's saying these things.A couple of things have happened recently such as him making a joke simply out of me being tired that he sleeps with nothing on, when calling me into the office to correct an error on the computer he called me a naughty girl and rather than just sorting out whatever needed doing, he invited me into the room even though I didn't need to be there.He's a very friendly guy anyway and easily makes friends with most people around, however he's never interested in general in speaking to me. Doesn't come over to talk to me like with others, he acknowleidges me but thats about it, and when we do speak it always seems like an effort.Whats going on? Does he actually like me as well but can't do anything about it or am I really just one of those people that he wouldn't even want to be friends with or make an effort with?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2021): No he can't like you because from what you say, he barely notices you. You say he only acknowledges you to say "hi" etc but nothing more, so even if he found attractive - which I doubt by the sounds - that wouldn't be the same as 'like' because he knows nothing about you and vice versa.My guess is he can sense your awkwardness and that is why he is making an effort with you, possibly to try and get you to relax a little. I agree the 'naughty girl' comment is strange and is not very professional but I don't think he is flirting, I think he just doesn't want you to feel intimidated by him as your boss and so is trying to lighten the atmosphere.For you to even have those thoughts or be here asking this question is hugely dangerous territory and could cost you your job. Take our advice and separate your work life from your personal life. Whilst it's normal to tell the odd story in work and talk about your family etc, it pays to hold back when it comes to relationships. You really don't want to become the office gossip trust me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2021): He's crossing the line professionally; and he's not staying within the boundaries of trust set in his marriage, when he openly flirts with other women. He has a wife. She is a person with feelings, and she is hurt when someone infringes on her union with her husband. Not knowing who she is, or being aware of how deeply she cares for him may not be a deterrent; if you wish to impose on someone else's relationship.
At this point, whether he is making advances seems somewhat subjective. I won't presume that he's blatantly flirting; but his comments that you've given are definitely inappropriate and unprofessional while on the job, and improper for a married-man. While working, especially if he's in a supervisory position, his behavior is considered sexual-harassment; by implying subtle innuendo, or using over-familiar pet-names towards female staff. It would be the same if roles were reversed.
If you're an American, and you work for a sizeable company; your employer is required to provide a policy-manual outlining the guidelines of on-the-job behavior, company policy, ethics, and prescribing a code of conduct. Your employer is also mandated to schedule sexual-harassment training by the U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission. Even if you don't mind men making advances towards you on the job, it is unlawful. Most women don't want it! Friendly comments and harmless banter don't rise to harassment. If it becomes frequent, and gets progressively more direct or offensive; he has violated company policy, and the law.
Liking someone doesn't give us permission, or the right, to disregard the fact a person is married. That's a matter of possessing good-character, having principles; and the moral values we should project as responsible human beings. It might not matter when you want what you want; but keep in-mind, he has a wife. Whether it's a happy marriage, or not...he's off-limits!
His wife has the right to divorce him when she's good and ready. We eventually work things out in our relationships; and his marriage may be salvageable, if it is in trouble. That's neither here nor there, as far as you're concerned. He's not authorized to cheat, or flirt; just because he doesn't like his marriage. Divorce will give him the freedom to do whatever he pleases with whomever he pleases. Messing-around with co-workers usually ends on a bad-note. The cons far outweigh the pros in that area!
What goes around comes around, and you reap what you sow. You'll have a relationship you've deeply invested your heart and feelings into. What will you do when some woman decides to go after your man? Would she be entitled to go for it, just because you and he may be having problems?
If you don't care if you wreck a marriage, the retribution owed his wife will be twice as painful for you when someone destroys your relationship or marriage. We deserve to feel the hurt and pain we've inflicted upon others to develop empathy, and a respect for boundaries. It will hurt you twice as much...and more; because cheaters hate being cheated-on more than anything. Even worse, you'll recall what you've done to hurt someone else; when what went around...has finally come-around! The person cheated-on gets justice through fate and destiny; and they may never even be aware of it! If they do get to realize their justice has come-around, it's sweeter than anything! I know, because it happened for me! It's called God's justice!
I would suggest you back-away, and not accept advances or flirtations from married-men. There's too many available single-men to even bother going there! You already know better, and so does he!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 July 2021):
 If this guy is as naturally friendly as you make out, if he was actually interested in you in "that" way, the likelihood is he would have made it quite obvious by now. Not that that should make any difference, given that he is not free.
Reading between the lines and guessing - because that is all any of us can do - I get the feeling he does know you are interested and finds it awkward, hence teases you occasionally but keeps away in general so as not to encourage you.
Shake yourself down, remind yourself he is not available, and concentrate on your work when you are at work, as that is what you get paid to do. Keep your daydreams for your free time - and for men who are free.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 July 2021):
 There are two major red flags all over this post which surely must be screaming out at you.
1. he is married, this alone is enough reason to steer clear.
2. You work together in a professional capacity.
You are asking the question does he like you. The answer to this question is its irrelevant, he is a married man, end of.
If you chase this things could get very awkward indeed, and you could find yourself having to look for another job.
If he started playing around with you, and things got serious, could you ever trust him not to play around with someone else like he would have been doing to his wife?.
Steer clear of him and just keep things professional, if you don't i can't envisage any happy endings here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2021): I think you should be offended if he called you 'a naughty girl'.
It's out of order in a work environment.
It could be the start of a sexual harassment claim.
Did you blush and giggle?
Did he offer to give you a spanking?
I think he is seeing just how far he can go with you.
This is someone who will use you and drop you if you give him flirting signals.
Know your own worth and pull him up for his words when he speaks inappropriately.
According to your post you are flattered by his manner.
If you spoke to a work colleague and told him he were a naughty boy would it imply respect on your part?
If you could get out of his orbit it would do you good so maybe you could look at another job opportunity where you can excel.
Don't even consider flirting or sexual behaviour with this person as he could make your life hell!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2021):
 I think he is just a friendly flirt. Pure and simple.
I think YOU need to focus more on NOT getting further attached rather than WHAT meaning you can glean from his flirting.
IT DOESN'T matter if he is unhappy in his marriage. NONE of your business. It's NOTHING to you.
Even if he DOES like you, as a woman and person - again, IT doesn't matter! HE has NOTHING but his dick and heartache to offer! Because? HE is married. LEGALLY bound to someone else.
Also. this seems to be a work environment so BE a professional and KEEP romance and flirting out of the picture. Since HE is the boss and apparently is slightly inappropriate in his behavior YOU will have to be the "adult" in the room and not engage with flirty stuff. It's not hard. If he crosses a line, TELL him and shut it down.
You are spending so much energy and doing all this mental gymnastics regarding what you think he might FEEL or THINK. Don't. Stop. There is NO point in trying to "suss" out whether he likes you, this isn't High School. This is a place of work. Where YOU all go to WORK. Not crush on people or flirt.
You might say YOU are not interested, but your whole POST screams - I like this man, does he like me.
Nip this in the bud. You will be the one to get hurt.
You are old enough to know better.
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