A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever known a guy to do this? Both him and this girl are my friends. They both like each other. Hes naturally a good guy, hes friendly and will make the effort however with her he is extremely shy. He wont talk to her much or anything. I know he likes her because he has said so so im unsure whats going on. I said to her maybe hes shy(without giving anything away because its not my place to say) and so she tried to be, not more flirty but more playful with him. Linking his arm or when him and another male m8 of ours was there she went and hugged them both from behind but he pulls away from her. And it really makes her feel like he doesnt want her. Hes such a sweet guy and hes really shy, i suppose he can be nervous but have you ever known a guy to move or pull away if you try and hug them? He has got abit weird and when they do hug when they part hes very nervous he wont always hug her properly. I dont get why he would move away? I know he only likes her because hes said and so has everyone else.
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female
reader, LibertarianLou +, writes (19 January 2010):
You don't say how old he is - but if he's a teenager I would be good money that his body is just reacting physically to being touched by a girl he likes and he feels guilty/ashamed/embarrassed/disrespectful/etc.
He is probably of course scared and doesn't believe she likes him. Perhaps he has very low self esteem, esp if he's shy? On top of that if you are all part of the same group of friends perhaps he's afraid of public rejection and humiliation - everyone will know if she turns him down! Perhaps he's even a bit paranoid - if he's very insecure - that it's all some kind of joke.
Being over confident might scare him off more and make him feel they are just too different. Perhaps you should tell him outright that she likes him (assuming she does!) and ask her if you can tell him clearly that she likes him. Maybe arrange an evening out somewhere with you and someone else, and them, so they can get to know each other but not feel pressured or scared. I think the cinema would be perfect because he wouldn't feel under pressure to talk and be funny/interesting/sexy/whatever it is that he feels he isn't. And then the film will give them a good start-off conversation point.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
He's just terrified and really doesn't know what to do. I suggest gently telling him that she likes him, and he should ask her out.
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