A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge infatuation with a work colleague but we are both in 6-8 year relationships. I can't be sure if he is flirting with me or if he's just being friendly - he winks and smiles at me, we often exchange prolonged eye contact, he stares at me, he'll often make excuses to talk to me like asking for my assistance, and a couple of times he has started to pack his things to leave as soon as he hears I am leaving so we could walk and talk together.I get the feeling that he is attracted to me, same as I am to him, however, it's not something that I feel I can risk on what could potentially just be a 'crush'... especially if he is just flirting and has no intention of anything else despite how he feels! I am also in a relationship with the most perfectly understanding, considerate and loving guy in the world, but he was never the type to make me feel besotted about him - although I understand that his qualities may be more important in a partner than the sexual attraction.My question is, does he have feelings for me and what should I do about my feelings for him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): Agree with the Aunt below me. Sounds like he is physically attracted to you, hun. And it's making you feel wonderful, isn't it. Tons of folks globally, are in good relationships but at times 'feel complimented' when another person pays them attention or is physically attracted to them. Our egos love it. We've all been there. This is human, but what makes a lot of us stand out as good, dependable partners and remain committed to the ones we do love, is we know it's a lusty infatuation on the other person's part and we engage our brain and tell ourselves, "it's nice to be admired, it feels good" but that's it.
You relationship, your level of committemnt, your integrity in the relationship with your bf is being tested here. And I hope you pass with flying colors. The other guy at work wants you, but for what and how long. There is no love here. So what do you do about your feelings for him. Take all the energy you are putting into 'feeling something' for him and reroute it into continuing to be a giving and being loyal, steadfast partner to your current bf. If this guy at work continues to tempt you, then you have to make a big decision. You must decide how much contact and attention from him, you can accept. If certain boundaries get crossed, what you will do? What will you say to this guy who is crushing after you? I hope you make the best decision, based on your future happiness and that of your loving relationship with the guy you already have.
A
male
reader, oldbiker  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Hi,
You should get lots of answers from those of us who have been there before you. You'll get lots of advice about what you should do and if it's mine it'll be 'do as I say, not what I did'! :-
OK, that said, as both of your relationships are long term, you have to try and get over your infatuation for your work colleague, if it goes further, there can be a lot of pain ahead for all involved. For example, you don't know if your colleague feels the same way, even if he does, he may be quite happy just to use you. I know I've skipped a fair number of steps for you both to get to that level but the signs are there. Another thing to keep in mind (altho' it may be different in the US), a lot of employers take a dim view of romance between employees (strange view as that's where a lot of romances start) but they may decide that you can't work together and one of you has to move or leave.
I realise that this hasn't answered your question but regardless of whether he's just flirting (and, maybe, testing the water to see if you're interested) or would like to take it further, you could be embarking on a very dangerous journey. I have to say, you must try and keep your feelings under control. It can be very difficult but I think you have to try.
Best of luck
Oldbiker
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A
female
reader, tick-tick-boom +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Okay well it sounds like he does like you.
Now (be careful)because he could just be flirting for fun.
First talk to him about his partner fact is he might be ready to chuck her for you.
if something does seem "Off" with his relationship thats a big clue.
Also without jeprodising your current relationship figure out if you want him. Your man however sweet may not be the guy for you (not saying this fella you work with is)
You really need to truly find out and say what you feel because in the end it could end up for the best.
Dont chuck away your boyfriend until you know for certain that its a hell of a lot more than a possible crush.
Good Luck X
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