A
female
age
41-50,
*utterfly0109
writes:I have been a relationship for 2 years with a guy that I thought I would marry. We have been having alot of problems for the past several months. He continued to push the relationship because he wanted a life with me. We tried to work through things, but something would always come up. This past week he left me. He said that I deserved better and he needed to work on himself. Maybe in time we could get back together. He still wanted to remain friends. I am so hurt by this. He never has given up on the relationship. Did I push him away? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? He kept calling me and finally I had to tell him to stop because I can't deal with not being with him and talking to him. Does he even remotely feel my pain?
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (11 August 2008):
 he does feel the pain. he was not giving up on the relationship per se. it sounds like he tried very hard, but in the end realized he needs to get his own act together first. he does miss you. don't doubt any of those.
i was in a similar situation where i dated my best friend for 2 years, and we went on a break with "rules" and he broke them... aka cheated. i was heartbroken and a wreck, but so was he.
to be in a relationship for that long with someone, you have to love them. don't blame yourself, just give him this time to work on himself.
i know it hurts to stay friends right off the bat when this guy once used to be your world. i know i couldn't do it. we went months without speaking, and honestly it helped. if you are going to hurt, you might consider a complete break from him for a couple of weeks or longer. you need to get used to the idea of being single again, of not being with or thinking constantly about your ex boyfriend.
as for maybe getting back together again, don't discount it.
it's been almost 2 years since my ex and i broke up. it took him 2 years to figure himself out and for me to forgive him, but it happened. if the love is there, it will find a way. trials and tribulations only make things stronger.
i'm not telling you to linger, far from it! but if he is who you want, don't give up hope. just give him the space he needs.
good luck!
A
male
reader, justaguy999 +, writes (11 August 2008):
 It sounds to me that he does. He probably does need time to sort whatever problems he has out, although hve you told him that you can help work through it together? If he says you deserve better he may simply have low self esteem; i have the same problem. Talk to him and let him know it's him you want no matter what he needs to sort out. If he still feels he needs time alone then let him; but you are right about avoiding contact. It will just make the whole thing a lot harder on both of you. I believe, from what you have said, that he does indeed miss you and is hurting, but he may just need time to sort out whatever it is he feels needs doing. Just let him know how you feel and that you will try and help him through it if he needs it. Otherwise you will need to start working on moving on if it seems there is no future, although that would be a worst-case scenario. Good luck and i hope things work out for you.
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