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female
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*herreeBee
writes: So yesterday had been the day my world was turned completely upside down and I had endured the worst betrayal imaginable!!!!!!I had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 months. Which were 3 of the most amazing months I ever shared with any person! He just made me feel so good! He was my escape from anything else going wrong in my life.. Whether it was school, work, family, etc.. He always made me feel better! Just in the past couple of weeks though, I had expressed to him that i thought it was important for us to have our own separate lives, and then have our lives together. It was tough, but I thought it best we only see each other on the weekends so that during the week, we could each focus on other important priorities .. It was really hard for me, because really, I'd probably spend every waking moment with this guy, but since I really loved him and wanted our relationship to flourish, I honestly thought it would help us.. I GUESS NOT !!!!Yesterday morning was almost like every other morning. We woke took a shower together and got to ready to have breakfast.. As he's making breakfast I decided to get on his laptop to chek my email.. Right when I flip it open pictures pop up. I'm looking through them and i notice two of a girl. A girl who I used to work with at a restaurant!! I clicked on the picture of her kissing someone and it was my boyfriend!!!!!! My heart started beating soooo fast I felt like I had just jogged a marathon! I left the picture up on the screen so he knew I'd seen it. I knew it was a recent picture because his head was shaved and he just recently got that done. The sad part of the situation is that he still continued to lie about everything when he was confronted about it! He said that the girl wasn't the one i worked with and it was his ex-girlfrind! Did he think I was stupid ?!?! I knew it was the girl I used to work with !! He said it was taken 2 months ago and that this wasn't going to come in between our relationship.. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of his house and away from him immediately!! Of course before I leave he starts crying and telling me how much he loves me.. It actually made me feel a little better seeing that, but I was extremely hurt. Everyhting he had told me about guys, and how they can never be friends with girls.. And that all my guy friends would probably take advantage of me if they got the chance... BLAh, blah, blah.. He was the oe that had taken advantage of my feeling, my body, everything!!! So I got in contact with the girl i used to work with. Sure enough.. It was her in the pictures.. I almost wished it wasn't. She started telling me how he had gone into the restaurant a couple of weeks ago and got her number. They went out to dinner at the same sushi place he took me on our first date!!! That really hurt.. SHe asked him about me and he told her we were broken up and it was nothing was serious between us. Since he knew that we'd see each other on the weekends now, he told her that he'd be out of town this weekend and that his phone was out of service. He had been lying to her too obviously.. I had gathered all of the facts and told him knew what really happened and how much of a low-life he is for pulling something that stupid. His excuse:He said that only seeing me on the weekends was not nearly enough and he bgan to feel lonely. He said that our relationship was getting really serious and that he had feelings for me he never had for anyone else, so he got scared. By spending time with that girl he said he realized how good of a person/girlfriend I really was and that he loved me. He had the nerve to tell me he didn't think we should break up over it. Did he ever really love me? Did he take our relationship seriously? Should I even be friends with him? Doesn't this make him a "cheater"?? And the biggest question.. Should I ever give him a second chance in the furture? ---- Far future..Pleeeeeease respond..Thanks....
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male
reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (24 January 2006):
Actually you are thinking of giving yourself a second chance. Not him. You are at a cross road. You just want to ride the popular wave. Hoping that some reply would give you the excuse to be with him. Not a reason. You know the reason by now. You are intelligent, no question of that. The question is are you prepared to live with a mistake? Re-live it? Re-re-live it? GET OUT. the GUY DOESNT KNOW THE MEANING OF LOVE OR RELATIONSHIP. He doesnt know what is integrity either. He was an escape. A sort cut. Lesson learnt: No short cuts in life. No escape. We make mistakes. We lose sight. But we learn from our mistakes. The problem is not in falling. Its in staying fallen. GET UP. LEAVE.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): ShereeBee, you sound like a very loving, good person and this guy doesn't deserve you. Frankly, if I were in your shoes, I'd hold out for much better. But because you are a giving person (which I strongly sense)I do think that you will allow him back in your life. But before you re-commit to him-you need to tell him point and with a strong conviction-that he is the one that caused this pain and hurt, so it's up to him to help you feel that he is worthy of a second chance-then let him know that you need time, and understanding. Let him know the trust and faith in him, has been badly shaken to the core and there is much uncertainty, and that there is no guarantees. Sit back and see what he says. If he apologizes and wants to work this out-then you tell him to work hard at proving his worthiness. But if he refuses to play a part in your recovery and he refuses to acknowledge your pain-then let him go, because it just means he's a cad, we all have told you he was. Good luck dear..
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female
reader, SherreeBee +, writes (18 January 2006):
SherreeBee is verified as being by the original poster of the question A little update to this situation ..
He came over my house 2 nights ago and we had a looong talk about so many different things that we've come to realize about each other.. I explained to him that I forgive him and that I have absolutely no bitter feelings toward him, but yes, the rational thing to do after anything like this would be to leave him alone ! Right ??!
Well I'm in love with him. And I can't just erase that. In order for our relationship to work again, we will have to start over with building the trust I had before. And I'm willing to commit to this man whom I care so deeply for. I didn't deserve this, and he recognizes that. Please respond Irish.. or anyone else :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): No second chances for him-he messed up and in the first 3 months! Think about this. Usually in the first few months of getting to know each other,(honeymoon' phase)-most couples are so enraptured with each other, they usually don't give a second glance at another person. So what do his behaviours tell you? Self-doubts in yourself and whom you can trust are now impeding you and no man should be causing this type of heartache in you. He's not worth it..he's a player. You want to experience love with a man who possesses a good heart, a warm, caring personality, a steadfastness, is loyal and reliable; but most of all, has an honorable character. When one truly loves someone, they commit to that person and they will not cheat on them. I strongly believe this. You are involved with a selfish, immature guy, hun and it's time for you to deal with the crap he's handed to you by continuing to be tough and reality based. This emotional see-sawing is wearing you down and I am sorry...no woman should endure that. Trust is foundational and critical in any healthy relationship and the trust is shattered. Lying is a sign of a questionable character in anyone..and he flunks. I would tell him to leave because no one should be permitted to blow up a relationship with their acting-out, cheating behaviors. Good thing you found this out now and not 3 years down the road. Learn from this, dear and in the future..hold out for the best man who would love you and commit to you, forever. Judging character traits and making informed choices about a bf seems far more better than by physical desire and overwhelming neediness that drives most relationship decisions today. In other words, before you ever hand your heart over to anyone..use your head and stay real, hun. Hold out for the best...Good luck and again, I am sorry.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): Get out of it now while there's still time. There is a guy who wants to love you and treat you right out there somewhere. This lowlife doesnt deserve you at all. What a sleezeball!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): All dogs return to their own vomit, in other words he will do it again. Run before marriage or kids come into the picture.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): girl, i know it might hurt to hear, but you got PLAYED!!!! big time. i seriously doubt this guy had any intentions of only seeing you..i bet that if you had of never found the pictures on his laptop, this would still be going on behind your back. i feel really bad for you that this had to happen and i can not even begin to imagine how you are feeling.
i wouldn't believe what this guy is telling you as ar as him only loving you and blah blah blah..that is, as you very well know, a load of BS and you are smart enough to relize that hopefully. it sounds like he just wanted to see if he could get away with having 2 girlfriends...or maybe holding you around because he thought that you would stay regardless because you were so happy (before you found the truth out).
the best thing you can do at this point is lose the loser. forget about hm and thank god that you only wasted 3 months on him. if he was serious about only loving you and only wanting to be with you, he would not have denied his actions because he would want to be truthful with you. this guy is a liar, a "cheater", and you deserve much much better.
go out there and find yourself a man who is worthy of your love!
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female
reader, hello05 +, writes (15 January 2006):
NO!!!! STAY AWAY!!! Ever heard of the "Caveman Theory?" This was told to me by a man who lived by it. It states, "a man, ,whether single or not, needs to be with as many women as possible in order to feel like a man." There are many men out there that need to plant their seed everywhere, and with everyone. You do not want a man like that. This screams liar. It sounds to me that deep down you were not happy either. If you truly love someone and want to share your life with someone, sharing your whole week together should not be a problem. Look deep in yourself for answers, your heart will tell you how you truly feel. A second chance? Will you ever be able to trust him again? Do you trust this girl? Trust is the #1 ingredient for a long lasting relationship.
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