A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had this girl add him on Msn, he doesnt know who she is and she started talking about sex and trying to have cyber sex with him. I told him i wasnt too happy about it (he would go mad if it was me!)He says he deleted her and doesnt talk to her, but he has been going home early and going on the internet late at night. He has never been overly interested in computers or the net. So i went snooping, (i know...thats bad, and i shouldnt) and i discovered that on his account he hasn't deleted her like he said. So he has lied to me about that. I am worried that he does go home early and chat to her, rather than spending time with me. The thought of him chatting to this complete stranger about sex and possibly enjoying it makes me feel sick. We have been together 2 and a half years. What should i do/say?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have had a chat with him about this but now he is annoyed because he says i dont trust him, (he doesnt know about the snooping) He still told me he had deleted her and even tried to make me feel bad for accusing him that he hadnt, yet i know he is lying to me about it. Its such a minor thing but if he is lying so blatently about this little thing, how can i trust him? I think i am going to have to sit down and re-evaluate our relationship, but it seems so petty. Thankyou for your answers, they were very helpful and made me realise i wasn't completly overreacting.
A
female
reader, talker  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 I wouldn't tell him about the snooping LOL. I would just have a talk and give him your concerns. Then tell him, if he really did delete her that he can show you the account so you can see for yourself. But that's my crazy way of dealing with things.
It's not right that he should be talking to someone about sex...although it's not like he's actually touching her but if this isn't the type of person you want to be with and it makes you feel insecure...then you should communicate that to him.
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A
female
reader, heatherrrrrrr +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Ohhhhh I hate liars. In the pit of your stomach you always know they lied. I think you should come clean about snooping. It's not that weird or bad, he should forgive you. Now as for him chatting sex with another woman, this could be bad or not so bad. For men it's almost just another form of masturbation and nothing to worry about. If he is spending hours talking to this girl about sex AND becoming emotionally involved with her, it's much bigger than that.
It just depends on what he is willing to come clean about. Don't nag, just have one simple, frank, honest conversation about it and let it be done. Showing that you don't particularly care after that might scare him a little.
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