A
female
age
36-40,
*utieaag
writes:There is something about my ex that I keep going back to him, this time im having more of a "I dont care" attitudude and I can see that he likes it. We keep doing this on and off thing. This time when he asked me if he can come back in my life I told him yes but I dont want to be with you and its just sex. So I started hanging out with my friends meeting new guys. When he comes over or asks how my day was I dont sugar coat it I tell him where and what I was doing. I can see that he gets a little jealous but he asked. I dont ask at all what he is doing because I honestly just dont want to know. This weekend Was his mothers birthday and she loves me. So he asked if I could go with him to his mothers, then we end up spending the whole day together. The nexted day I do my own thing only to get a text asking if I can bring him some of the left overs of the meal we cooked together the night before. I made sure I looked super cute went to his house handed him the food and left. he texted me saying why did you leave so fast. I texted back you didnt invite me in or anything I had stuff to do. then later that night he asks if i can pick up some drinks for him and head over to his house. when I showed up at his house he has all his friends there. I told him that I dont want to date him again or let his friends think we are so I gave him the drinks then left. he chased me out the door saying that he didnt know they were all coming over and that he really doesnt want me to be mad. I told him that I only came for sex and since he was busy it will just have to be another time and that im not mad. As im stuck in traffic trying to get home he calls me asking where am I? I was right down the street from my house. I get inside and find him nake in my bed waiting. After where done he tells me he doesnt want to attract anyother girls at the party tonight because he is happy with what he has. I dont say nothing I just say good night and have fun at your party. Then 3 hours later I get a call saying he was coming over and staying the night, I can tell he was drunk so I let him get dropped off at my house. The next morning he wakes me up telling me to get ready were having breakfast with his grandparents. then we went to the river and ended up spending the whole day together again. I honestly dont want to be with him again, but all this sex and having something to do all the time is fun. I know were just using each other but does he care or like me a little more then he lets on? or should I just keep not reading into things and just go with it. again....
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 August 2011):
Hello again. Is he already in the air force, or is he joining for the first time?
Either way, yes, he might be trying to avoid any commitment because he knows he's going to go away a lot and maybe stationed in another state, or another country. So he doesn't want to start something he can't finish.
He seems rather restless, because as you have said here, he goes with you for a while, then he gets restless and meets someone else, goes with them for a while - then it's off with them, and back to you again. That's what happens pretty much, isn't it?
He does seem to like you as I was saying earlier, but at the same time, also doesn't know what he wants.
I suspect that not knowing what he wants, is nothing to do with relationships, but more to do with him and feeling a little lost in his life. Perhaps he has no direction.
Perhaps he has a feeling of something missing in his life - a passion - no, not sex or relationships, but I'm talking about a driving force that inspires him every single day. A sense of purpose. Like doing something that really means something to him.
Perhaps he's joining the air force to try and see if that fills the gap or not.
He might need to find a hobby or creative pursuit of some sort, to put his mind into another state of consciousness - which might help.
Everyone needs a sense of purpose in their lives - a driving force, that gives you a reason to get out of bed every morning.
The only way to find that passion, is to try all different things and activities. Maybe even doing some volunteer work for charities and helping people less fortunate than yourself.
Overall, I think he's lost his way - slightly. That's why he can't make up his mind.
A
female
reader, kutieaag +, writes (2 August 2011):
kutieaag is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I did the talk and he is the one that told me he wants nothing serious but yet everytime we stop talking for a bit he finds another girl and then they dont like each other and one of them ends it then he comes back to me. I asked him when he was ready to have a serious relationship if he would consider me, he said he would but right now he jus dosent know what he wants. He told me that if some body caught his eye he would go out with them to see if it worked and if it did then him and I would have to stop hooking up and just be friends, but then he says he isnt looking for anyone right now. He is going to the air force soon So I think that he is just trying not to break anyones hearts before he leaves. Im only having this I dont care attuidude because I dont want to get hurt anymore by him. I mean seriously we have done this back and forth thing like 4 times already in the past year and we dating for only 5 months out of that year. there is clearly something that keeps bringing us back together. ither its just the sex or the fact that he really does like me but doesnt want to hurt me. I dont know....
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (2 August 2011):
Hi there. It seems clear that he still likes you, otherwise he wouldn't keep on texting you whenever you leave his house suddenly, without coming in. Then he practically chases you down the street. He says he doesn't want anyone else.
If these aren't signs of a man's interest towards you (even if he is an ex), well then I don't know what is.
He wants you in his life, because he invites you to events with his family etc. They are all good signs.
It's almost like you are giving him the cold shoulder all the time, but he wants you to stay.
Although you are probably not being rude to him, you are not showing much interest and you say that you don't want to go out with him again as his girlfriend.
The wisest thing you could do now, is to have a chat to him on how you feel about things, and to hear his story about how he feels.
This is the one thing you are not doing at the moment.
Good communication. It's vital for any relationship, no matter what it's status is.
Two people must talk, to get onto the same page with each other. Unless you do talk about it - and soon, you are just drifting along aimlessly without direction. All you are doing at the moment, is guessing.
Stop the guessing games and trying to figure it all out on your own. You DO need to talk to him - heart to heart.
Don't delay it any longer.
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