A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I see sex as a binding act of marriage, but I'm with a guy I love. I told him I do not want to have sex, and he's ok with that. The thing is, every time I'm with him, things get a little further. I enjoy it, but should I?Last time I was with him I allowed him to finger me, and I feel I should no longer be allowed to consider myself a virgin. On my terms, I don't believe I am. But if I'm asked, I don't know what to do...If I say I am, I am lying to myself. If I say I'm not, they think I've had intercourse. I'm just...well...lost.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): You are mature thinking. You have to have sexual intercourse to lose virginity (regardless if you break your hymen before or not) however virgins are graded these days. You are thinking in the sense of a virgin who has never been touched and may not have passionately kissed before.
Virgins (females) may have masturbated (by finger(s)) several times a day for years before they lose their virginity and may have used dildos etc. as not being the same as the stereotypical definition...
They are still virgins but I agree its not quiet the same thing. So don't worry,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Thank you all.
You've been much help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Thanks you all for your input, I think I was just being very harsh on myself and I will admit a lot of my over thinking was due to my upbringing.
I feel like I was still processing this event and the part of me that wanted to be angry at myself got the best of me.
I've grown to embrace it. Embrace myself.
I am human.
Thank you all for your input.
It has been a great factor in helping me to understand myself better.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 you are still a virgin.
but i have to wonder, who is it that keeps asking you?.
it's nobody's business but yours.
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A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 You lose your virginity by HAVING SEX. Did you do that? No! So your a virgin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Speaking from a medical and social sense, you only lose your virginity when a mans penis enters your vagina. You are still a virgin untill that happens. Dont worry about fingering. It is masterbation and not sexual intercourse. Make sure that you only go as far as you are comfortable with. There are plenty of things that you can do that dont involve losing your virginity, so please dont feel bad because you haven't done anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Fingering does not make you any less of a virgin, just as using tampons, or masturbating does not make you less of a virgin. You are not lying to anyone. Why do you hold yourself to such a high level of "purity?" If what you're doing feels good to both of you, why do you think it's wrong? I understand wanting to save sex for marriage so it's special, but touching each other and making each other feel good is just that. Making each other feel good.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 October 2010):
 99% of guys would still consider you a virgin. Telling them you've been fingered before, but never done anything else, will confirm that belief for them. Just say that if they ask.
For the record, most guys consider vaginal and anal sex to "count," and are divided on the issue of oral sex. Fingering is enjoyable, so don't feel guilty about that part.
Technically, you could consider virginity to be based on whether or not your hymen is broken, but many girls break that playing sports, so it's not a reliable indicator unless you've led a very sedentary life.
It's great that you want to wait until marriage, but don't think of yourself as damaged goods just yet. If you want to stop, just stop; if not, that's your call. Good luck with things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): I had the same situation not too long ago, but i dont think getting fingered causes you to lose your virginity. The concept is diffrent and the process is diffrent.
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