A
female
age
41-50,
*adeyes
writes:I think,reading between the lines and small things mentioned,that my boyfriend may have been abused in his past,possibly as a child.As a result of this he is unable to have sex and has called an end to the realtionship stating he is not in love with me.Does anyone know that as a result of child abuse it makes you question your sexuality in later life or do you think he is just not able to have sex due to bad memories.Is it worth pursuing with him or should I just leave it be? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I agree that being molested as a child can screw up ones sexual idenity. Here is my reasoning. I was molested from the age of 12 to the age of 14. I am not gay but I do beleive that I am Bi-sexual. Which is very weird because I dont want to be attracted to guys but only some times do i find a male that I find attracting. But I know that it is wrong and gross; additionally, against my faith. Being molested does not end it continues like a circle. (Not In every person this is the case.)Some kids that were molested go on and molest a child. But that is the extreme case where the victim becomes the predator. Now if you do have those feelings dont act on them please. I am now dealing with feelings that I cant understand and I just want to forget that any of this happened. I dont know what to do. its like i am spinning in circles while fight the urge to hurt someone. I have to end this problem NOW!!!
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 USUALLY sex molestation and abusew will cause some sexual problems, it can cause one to question their sexuality etc. u were not explicit on what kind of abuse ur bf had undergone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): The past definitly can affect the future. If a person gets help and walks through the emotions, they can possibly see clearer as to the reasons and be able to move on and enjoy a better life. Many times people who are abused feel they are to blame, and may cause them to avoid such activity for fear of it happening again.
The abuse doesn't neccesarily mean it was sexual abuse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I was abused when i was younger and i am now a lesbian but i dont feel that had anything at all to do with my past. I found it was difficult the very first time i had sex but after that i was totally fine and could relax completely. If you arre comfortable with the person then i dont think sex should be hard. Hope this helps a bit x
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 do you know if he has actually been abused or are you just guessing this? it is true that ppl who have been sexually abused in the past can find it difficult to trust another person and feel comfortable with sex. it is something that ppl may never get over and you have to understand this. this can also bring up the question of sexuality also. i think that if you really do love him and care about his feelings then maybe you should talk to him and tell him that you understand if he is not comfortable having a sexual relationship just yet. let him know that you are also there for him and are prepared to just be friends even for now, so that you can get more comfortable with eachother. let him know that you do love him and that you will always be there for him. and be patient. but also be prepared for the fact that he may not ever get to that stage where sex will be a big part of your relationship. i hope this helps hun. be patient and i hope everything works out for you. email me if you wanna talk more about this good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, I care +, writes (4 April 2008):
 speeking from past issues that happened in my life abuse can make you question alot about your own sexuality and it can bring up bad memories.But it's something that only he can work out on his own and all you can do is be there to tellhim that he was a victim and that it wasn't his fault that these things happened to him. people that have been abused don't really care for sex. I hope this helps you in some way. Best of luck and just be patient with him he's going through a rough time
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