A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Along time ago my mother told me I was too nice to women and this is why my relationships never last.I have been married two times.The first about 5 years and the second about 9 years..I have had a couple of girl friends after this but nothing last...Do you suppose there is such a thing as being too kind or nice and this drives them away...Tell me what you think..Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I highly disagree that women are attracted to the alpha male that isn't interested in them. Or at least I'll stand as representative for women who are not attracted to that. I was never attracted to the alpha male type of guy because the alpha guy is arrogant and full of himself. Please do not listen to all the advice telling you to be less nice. Be yourself, and look for the woman who is your match in personality.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Being a nice guy with young women will make you miserable. I'm 20 now and starting to realize this at university. I've had many girls tell me I'm a nice guy, but never 1 serious relationship in my life. Girls come and go and want nothing to do with me. To attract women, you have to understand how completely different and irrational their way of thinking is to ours. Read The Game. Women aren't so much attracted to looks as they are to alpha male characteristics.It may seem crazy and stupid, but it's true. No matter what women tell you, treating them as an alpha male would actually works in attracting. The funny thing is that looking back, every girl that has ever liked me was one that I didn't like. The point is, because I treated them badly and didn't like them, they wanted to be my girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 October 2009):
 You need to pick out a girl that respects you. That's the problem.
There are women out there who like having nice guys around, but often look at them as friends instead of real life-partners.
That's a problem. You tolerate a lot because you're too nice to them, and then they stop respecting you.
Some women are very good, and therefore being with a nice guy means they've found a good fit.
On the other hand, some women look at nice guys or men that are too nice, and proclaim them manipulators. Which is a misnomer because in reality, they are manipulated not the other way around. That's called "projection".
You're in the situation where women are looking at you, and not realizing that you're actually being kind and good, they lose respect or worse yet, trust. And that destroys everything.
Perhaps in your next relationship, be a little bit more cynical and more inquisitive about your girlfriend's wishes and how she expects to be treated. Its okay to ratchet back the "nice guy" and be a little bit more rigid. That is, set some boundaries and stick with them.
If someone you're dating goes over those boundaries, then start objecting. Now you go from being a nice guy to being a nice guy who's asking his girlfriend to respect him and be reasonable.
Big difference.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 October 2009):
Of course your mother is going to say you were too nice!!
She's hardly going to turn round and tell her little boy that he's a controlling, jealous, abusive, cheating, mummy's boy. Mum's just won't do that, even if you were like that.
If you want to know what went wrong then talk to your ex wives.
I'm guessing since you don't know why you got divorced it could be that you didn't really communicate well and by that I mean talking AND listening.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Hell yeah!! But it depends on their age. Young bitchy girls who still have a tight ass, firm breasts, and good skin, and think that they are "all that" want a guy who treats them like shit. They won't be with a guy unless he has the upper hand in the relationship. They want to be walked all over by a guy cuz it gets them hot. I know, because I AM that guy.
Here is the number one rule about women. Every woman wants what another woman has. A guy becomes more attractive when he has a girlfriend. I can't tell you the number of times I've had my g/f's best friend try to seduce me away. The worse I treated them (no physical abuse.. just not taking any shit from them) the more they clung to me.
As women mature they start to look for a nice guy who will provde for them.
As they get even older and realize they outnumber us 2.5 to 1 they mellow even more and become greatful to be in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): There is nothing wrong with being too nice. If a girl cannot recognize your worth then she is not worth you ! Believe me, there are girls out there looking for nice guys and can't find them.
I do agree with Illithid though, that love yourself as much as you love her. A healthy relationship is mutual, with him giving to her AND her giving to him...I agree
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Nearest I can figure, everyone wants what they can't have. The grass is greener, as they say. When you cease to be a challenge to keep, you stop being worth pursuing. You're nice, so women can take you for granted because you ARE granted, a given, a reliable constant. I know, I'm the same way. That way leads to boredom and a wandering eye.
Does this mean being a nice guy is a bad thing? Heck no! But being a selfless and always giving man who is willing to be the one to always make sacrifices just might be.
My counselor is telling me (I just got dumped by my gf of three years and who was at liberty to take advantage of me) that I need to be more selfish. A healthy relationship is mutual, with him giving to her AND her giving to him. Ask for, no, demand what you need to be happy. Don't just sacrifice for her. Insist that some things are important for you too and that she has to satisfy your needs (whether that means watching some of your favorite movies, or giving you time for your friends, or even that one thing you love in bed). It will make her work a little harder to keep you, so you're grass will never be entirely in her yard.
At least, that's what my counselor and my friends all say. If I give 90% of the time, I'm sending a message that I am desperate and clingy and that there is no effort required to keep me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2009):
 I don't believe in the Nice-guy-always-finish-last either.
I don't think you can treat another human being ( be it a girlfriend or stranger) too nicely.
Did both your wives divorce you saying to were too nice?
What is it you are doing that you ( or your mother) think is too nice?
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (8 October 2009):
If you drive her away by being too nice, then the one who needs to change is her not you. Don't stop being yourself, and nice, just so you can get a woman to stay with you. Would you actually want that woman, if you get her? On the other hand, maybe the issue is not that you are too nice, but maybe you might be attracted to women who are b**c*es, and don't realize it? Either way, whichever might be the case, once you find that SANE woman it will not matter how nice you are to her, she will not take advantage of you and leave you. She will reciprocate and stay.
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A
male
reader, Max Clark +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Well i know some girls who have actually said to me "god, i hate it when guys are nice! its so annoying". But your wives obviously didn't think this, they married you so surely they would have known you were nice, and liked it. Maybe your mum means that you let things go too easily and you are a bit of a push over.. could i be right?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 October 2009):
 We get this question often, and I just can't figure out why being treated well would drive women away. Unless they are total whack jobs why wouldn't they like considerate and kind men? All the women I know do. Stay the course my friend, she's out there for you.
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