A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi. very nervous. my dear friend of 12 years just started confessing that her desires extend past our very comfortable, very intimate boundaries. we're both dykes of a similar stripe: as per gender-performance, priorities in life, vulnerabilities, we're both academic professionals (but at opposite ends of the humanities-to-science spectrum). for all our verbal closeness and empathy, we've (i think deliberately) avoided physical contact for all these years. i love her very much, and there is no risk of killing our relationship, i just have no idea what to do. i am recently single, and she lives (amicably, but somewhat unhappily) with someone. we have never wholly approved of eachother's Others. we live just close enough to worry about a spontaneous knock at the door, and just far enough away to know that if that happens, it will be quite serious. i guess my question is: does anyone relate to this?could anyone tell me what to do?(thank you.) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 "'Tis far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" Lord Tennyson, English poet.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 Why are you nervous? There is not a right way or wrong way to be. If your relationship hasn't progressed past verbal closeness (and I am not sure if that means you are just good friends or if you talk about dreams, goals, etc) then there is a reason for that. If she was that unhappy with her current partner, she would leave and make a move.
Do you email her? Go to dinner with her? Plan to attend lectures or events, etc? Perhaps you should ask her to do things in the academic world with you? I would be cautious though as you describe the two of you as being stand-offish. I would not get my hopes up if she has not being more forward in making advances towards you. Perhaps she likes you, but does not want to interfere with the academic relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): a friend i have, i once felt quite close to her as in more than a friend way, we aren't lesbians, but for a while i was questioning my sexuality due to having these feelings.
we hung out every day because we went to the same school, and when we were old enough to drink we would go out and we would walk home just the two of us and in my drunken state of mind i would say "kiss me!" jokingly and sometimes she would, but sometimes she just run up and kiss my cheek when i was totally off guard.
then something happened where we both worked, i left, didn't talk to her for nearly a year and now we are still just trying to build up a basic friendship and meet once a week for a couple hours if that
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 It is quite obvious from your post that you are both wanting to be with each other. I may be wrong, but however all the signs are there that you return her feelings as well. I guess the friendship between you both has progressed over the years and you have both been scared to take it any further for the simple fact being that you were probably both scared that it might effect the great friendship you both established with each other.
She is however with someone else at the moment, however unhappy she is with her partner I would never advice to someone cheating on there other half. I think you both need to talk about your feelings to each other and come to an agreement as to what you both want to do. If you both want to form a relationship then get her to break up with her partner and then you are both free to enjoy each others company freely and openly.
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