A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone know how to control their emotions?I find that I get overly emotional a lot. And the majority of the time I don't know why. I cry a lot. Whether I'm angry, sad, hurt, or just plain frustrated. But for some reason I can't control my tears. They come whether I want them to or not and I know this is not going to help in future endeavors. Heck sometimes I'll laugh at myself while crying because I find it so strange that I'm crying in the first place. One thing I hate is confrontations, and that's because the minute I try to fight back I well up with tears and can't get my point across because I'm too busy sobbing. I hate this because once I start crying it takes forever for me to stop. In the future when something comes up and I have to stand up for myself, I'm not going to be taken seriously because I'll be shedding tears.I did read this online one day and I feel like it helps explain why I cry, but how can I overcome it?: "It is an emotional reaction to feeling trapped, stifled, and not understood. It is also a reaction to being nice and non-assertive most of the time and then having to stand up for ourselves. "I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for how they control their emotions. I try but like I said they come whether I want them to or not and I'm afraid it's going to affect future jobs, relationships, etc.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 January 2014):
 I think a lot of it simply has to do with hormones. Female hormones are linked to the excess of emotions. Which is why women get overly emotional during their periods - those damn hormones lol.
For me, I don't known what it is, but I don't tend to be the emotional type. I'm usually very level-headed and don't cry. I don't lash out or experience a change in emotions during that time of the month. I'm VERY thankful for this lol. The times in my life that I can recall having shed tears have been mostly because of frustration. I don't usually cry due to sadness. I cry from feeling stifled.
Is there a way to not cry? That's a tough question. Probably not, because it's not a conscious decision. it's your hormones taking over and making you cry. You can learn to try to fight it but I doubt you'll make it go away permanently.
I'm sure it's frustrating. At the same time, at least you are capable of releasing these feelings of sadness father than them becoming pent up.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 January 2014):
There are two things here. Firstly, it is important to remember that people do vary in how well they can control their emotions, but you can teach yourself to be better at it. Secondly, you may overestimate how well others control their emotions because they don’t express them in a way that is as visible to others as crying. That isn’t to say they don’t boil over with anger, say hurtful things or engage in other behaviour that has negative consequences as a result of being unable to control their emotional responses.
The key to controlling your emotions is to try, wherever possible, to be prepared with a strategy when facing a stressful situation. Knowing that you are prone to showing your emotions through crying, if you are going to confront somebody, for example, you should not go in cold but should first form an idea in your head of what you are going to say, and anticipate some of the responses that may be given to challenge you, trying to plan how you will react. This preparation should also be applied to other stressful situations, from difficult conversations with a partner, to job interviews. Wherever possible think of a way to buy yourself some thinking time if you feel yourself losing control, for example in an interview situation requesting a minute to think how to respond to a challenging question that you can’t immediately answer.
Of course you can’t plan everything in life, and won’t always be able to keep faultless control, nobody does. However the more you learn to anticipate outcomes of stressful situations and plan how to respond, the easier, in time, it will become to switch to those responses. You cry sometimes because things genuinely upset you, everyone does. If you cry a lot, however, it suggests that some of the time that is the way you react when there’s no other way to cope with the situation. The advice I’m giving you is developed one before you face the situation wherever you can. The more times you keep things under control, the more natural it will become. But be kind to yourself, re-learning how to think in difficult situations is tricky, we don’t get it right first time and it’s important not to be disheartened early on.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): I have the very same problem that you have just described.
I cry when someone confronts me, gives me advice. I even cry when I'm getting positive feedback or a compliment.
I really understand what you must be going through. You don't want to cry, you really don't want to and most of the times, you don't even have a legit reason to start crying.
It's complex and you can't figure out how to stop this oversensitive behaviour and it frustrates even more and that affects the behaviour as well.
It's a cirkel which is difficult to break and I'm not sure how to help you as I am currently experiencing it myself and don't how to handle it.
How long has this been going on for you? Certain issues can play a role on your situation. In mine, I'm most sure my uncertainty about keeping my relationship with the bf good, my past of locking up emotions and teasing at middle school and situations at home, play a role in the development of hypersensitivity. I'm not saying you are hypersensitive, but the symptoms are there.
What helped for me is that I talked with people about my frustrations about my sensitivity so that they could understand my behaviour a little better and accepted it more. They support me and no longer give me weird looks or weird questions. They know they shouldn't push questions about it because it will only make me cry faster.
I'm not a fan of going to the shrink, but if it helps for you I suggest you seek your help there. The more people you trust with your problem, the less stress you will feel, trust me.
Trust your friends and be not ashamed of yourself. It is sometimes part of someones character and it is what makes you unique. You have to live with that fact as it is very hard to overcome.
counting to ten can be an option, but you're still fully aware of your emotions.
Breathing in and out in a slow pace can work, but the heavy pressure in your throat prevents that.
I can tell you countless of small tips that may or may not help you but it is very hard. very hard.
When you are a student and your life is very turbulent, sensitivity is higher than when you are having a full-time job and a nice home and everything is going well for you.
I guess it kinda depends on what kind of situation you are in.
What I can give you for advice it that you should tell your surroundings about your sensitivity and relieve your stress and frustrations about is.
I know this is kind of a shitty advice, but I responded because I know EXACTLY how you feel and you are certainly not alone in this world who is experiencing this problem.
I hope this makes you feel slightly better.
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