A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going to therapy for a while and the last couple of months it's been a sting of awful evens that have made I guess have a wake up call- from my doctors main issue is that I look at everything in a negative way- life love career - everything- I have OCD also witch makes me over analyze and get stuck in obsessive thought cycles -so much that nothing has worked (tried a lot of medications) nothing but trying CBT ( behavioral therapy) I'm trying it out but I feel like I'm in a sand dune. I can't be happy I try so hard and goodness I'm healthy I'm educated I have a family that's not perfect but at least loves me and I can't snap out of it. Years and year I've been chasing money men and the wrong things to quiet these thoughts that it now seems impossible.I please people all the time and I worry about what they think to the point that its controlling my life- has anyone recovered from basically overthinking and these negative self descructive patterns. My doctor says that I will not be happy if I worry about the wrong things (irrelevant things) like thinking about the past- worrying. About what she or he said) or worrying about this and that all the time- does anyone have tips?
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reader, k4ren  +, writes (12 December 2016):
Hi, we all have a choice. Do we try to look at the positive, 'happy go lucky' angle or the neurotic negative. Do we sit in the middle with a wise,balanced and perhaps more realistic view.
I suppose you need to ask yourself how it serves you to take the neurotic and negative option?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): I think people often hire therapists; but really don't listen to the good advice they receive. The objective of your treatment is to help you to function and achieve some sense of well-being. The effort to reach this goal has to come from your commitment and determination.
You're placing all the responsibility to make you better on the therapist alone; but you're hardly doing your part. It may always be a challenge, but that doesn't mean it will always end in failure. Have some faith in yourself. You're demanding to be perfectly well and all your disparities to just up and go away. Life isn't like that. It's full of ups and downs, failures, successes, joy, and sorrow. It's that way for everyone, but you can chose your outlook. Negative or positive. You've made your choice. Negative.
If you have conditioned yourself to be controlled by what you perceive others are thinking of you, you've imprisoned yourself in a self-created cage of public scrutiny. The bars around you are all in your mind. Happiness is freedom. The key to happiness is in your back-pocket. You've just decided you feel safe locked away in your misery, sorrows, and frustrations. Believing everything is formulated to work against you, and you alone. Happiness is there when you want to make it a part of your life. Knowing what makes you happy helps. Not by comparing your life to others. Our lives aren't written according to the same plan, my dear. A lot comes from our own design and creation for ourselves.
Keep a journal. Write down the things that really make you feel good, and try to see if you can accomplish or obtain some of those things over the course of your day. When you get-up in the morning, tell yourself you're not letting anything bring you down today. Even if you don't believe it at that moment; make it your daily goal to make it true.
Therapy doesn't work on stubborn angry people. If they insist on seeing the world in the worst way, they'll see no changes until they decide they want to be grateful for small blessings, and celebrate small achievements. Be patient with yourself. Take small steps, and keep every small success updated in your journal. Go back and read from the start of your daily updates. Reward yourself for the progress, no matter how small. You're demanding immediate and drastic changes. Forgetting that your impairments may slow your progress, but they don't have to stop your improvement.
Life is a struggle for everyone. Work can be a bore, lovers may leave you, and sometimes it seems everything that can go wrong, does. You resolve yourself to see the good, no matter how rough it gets. Like a storm, bad things happen; and storms always end. So do our setbacks and troubles. Yes, new setbacks and troubles replace them. Look around you, you're not alone. The rest of the human race has to go through the same things you do.
In life, bad things will happen everyday. Our goal in life is to live, love, share, and enjoy our blessings regardless.
You never really have a 100% shitty day. Just record in your journal a smile you got, a cute baby's face, a little dog wagged his tail and licked your finger-tips, the sound of the rain on the window pane, and the wonderful aroma of your first fresh cup of coffee. Just little things that distract your thoughts from ruminating over your failures and your imperfections.
You are more than the sum of all your flaws, sweetheart. You're complex, and a miracle; just because you were born a female. That is extraordinary in itself.
I always tell people who spend too much time reminding themselves how miserable they are, to give of themselves. Go out and offer your time to make a positive change; or to help others not as fortunate as yourself. You have a job, you have shelter, and food on your table. In spite of the challenges you have, you are a physically healthy person who spends far too much time hating your gift of life. Instead of celebrating the fact you are still young and may as well make the best of it. Wish I was only in my 30's!
It's not as easy as thinking happy thoughts. That is total bullsh*t; but you have to make the effort. You can't give-up and claim it's the therapy that isn't working. It doesn't work until you want it to. If you're comfortable in your situation and see life in total hopelessness; you're just showing up for treatment and popping pills. You're not taking any of it seriously; because you didn't get a miraculous cure. It won't go away over-night, and your progress is totally in your hands.
Your doctor has told you in so many words; that the effectiveness of your therapy, all depends on you. There's got to be more to your life than just bad things. I guess that's all you've allowed yourself to care about?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (12 December 2016):
"I worry about what they think to the point that its controlling my life"
This right here is your first problem. The only person you need to worry about at the moment is you.
The only things you should be worrying about in life is...Making right or wrong decisions. The more right decisions you make, the less there is to worry about. Start making bad decisions..well...That speaks for itself. As you are doing right now. It is a bad decision to worry about what others think of you.
What people think of you should be none of your concern, unless you are doing them wrong. If you are just living your life, then who cares what other thing of you.
Do they put food on your table? Do they pay your bills? Do they look after you when you are sick in bed? Do decide if you are going to live or die?... If the answer to these questions is NO...then why are you worrying about other people and what they think?
You could be the world's most perfect person, and people will still hate you for being perfect. So why care?
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 December 2016):
Your doctor is not lying. I think a straight forward way to be happy would be to do things that make the world happier / a better place. Use your time to help some charities, learn some new craft skills to help your excessive amount of time (wood working) and use your OCD in your career to learn about businesses, becoming a consultant or business analyst can be beneficial. Happiness is, and forever will be, a choice.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 December 2016):
 I am no expert nor professional, so this is just coming from personal experience.As someone who used to worry about everything (I would worry if I had nothing to worry about!), going to do a reiki course was the turning point for me. There are 5 principles of reiki, which is a mantra I try to repeat several times a day:Just for today, I will let go of anger.Just for today, I will let go of worry.Just for today, I will count my many blessings.Just for today, I will do my work honestly.Just for today, I will be kind to every living creature.Worry and anger sap energy for nothing. If we are using up energy on these emotions, we are lacking it for areas of our life where we need it. There is no way you will unlearn your thought patterns overnight. That is just not possible. However, I believe you can unlearn them and change them if you take baby steps and take short periods at a time. For instance, initially tell yourself "I am not going to worry/have negative thoughts for the next 10 minutes", then gradually build up that time. I also find it helps to remind myself that nothing will change based on whether I worry out it or not. Also, if there is something I am stressing about, I ask myself "What is the worst thing that can happen in this situation?" I then make a plan for dealing/coping with that "worst case scenario" so I am prepared, just in case.
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