A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Heya, i'm a bit of a mess at the moment. Basically I just split up with my girlfriend of 1 and a half years last friday (i did the breaking up).The reason being, she wanted me to spend more time with her which on reflection was completely just and fair as I had often shunned her for doing things with my friends. The break up was pretty good willed, we just hugged and cried for like 6 hours or something and I'm still unsure of whether I've done the right thing. Me and her get on really well and I guess she would be perfect for me, had I met her a year or two later. I'm really torn as maybe going out and getting drunk with my friends and having one night stands every week isn't all there is to life, but in my defence, i am only 22! I definitely still love her and I know she loves me too! it has never been butterflies or anything, but she is lovely, and I'm very confused as to whether my doubt is just coming from the emotional turmoil of just splitting up with her or if it is a sign i've made a big mistake.Does anyone have any soul searching suggestions aside from the obvious? Maybe i should wait a few more days before deciding? I really dont know what I want and although I'm sure breaking up with her as opposed to stringing her along while I decided was probably the right thing to do.I still think I could put more effort into the relationship but then again I'm not 100%. I guess I was just worried I was missing out y'know?- K
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Wow! harsh, but fair i guess. Perhaps I should elaborate as further review of my question it kind of paints me as an asshole, which may be true but id like to think it isnt.
The reason I never spent time with her and treated her perhaps the way I should I now realise is because I went through a particularly difficult breakup beforehand and I guess as a result I put up these barriers of not showing any weakness and just generally not allowing anyone close to me.
That is why I must emphasise the crying part, I havent cried since the previous breakup and I guess vowed I wouldn't again, but I suppose it has taken this whole ordeal to open my eyes to the fact that maybe I need to grow up emotionally, like everyone does.
The question is, is that something you can force yourself to do or is it something that takes time? if it is the latter then I was right, if it is possible to just do it on your own accord then I was very wrong. If it is the first then I guess its that sacrifice I am torn about. Especially as I feel like I dont want to look back in 5 years and say well, I should have just enjoyed myself till I was ready to settle down. But I suppose the reverse is also true.
Thanks for giving it to me straight though, it is a rare quality.
- K
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Im not going to pull punches and tell you straight, guy.
What the hell are you doing going out with your friends and pulling down one night stands when you got a girl that all she is is devoted to you! Stop acting like an ass!
If you're coming in here looking for "sympathy" you won't get it from me.
Hey, I hear you, though. I was once young and stupid like you and didn’t appreciate a good thing when I had it. Right now all you are thinking of is the next party and the next piece of ass. That shit is all going to come back to you, and I will be the most brutal on here to tell you.
You are on the wrong path. Life is not about the next party. Life is about seeking happiness. All this party stuff is fun for the moment, but when you wake up the next morning you feel empty and it isn’t worth it. Happiness is waking up next to that wonderful girl you should be with not the hundred hoes you are fucking.
Happiness is not about that beer that won't leave your hand, its spending time with that girl that you should be with.
I will tell you one thing though, you did the right thing. Six hours of tears and now she is rid of you. She don't deserve you and I am happy for her. I hope she does find a good guy who will love and respect her.
As for you man...you’re going to see what you did years from now. No, don’t go back to her now, you did the right thing. You know what you are and you live with it. You just go ahead and have your fun.
But don’t expect sympathy from me. If anything I will be the nicest guy to respond to you because I know where you’re coming from.
War out!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Hi there,
It seems to me that if you really love this girl and can see yourself having a fulfilling relationship with her down the line, then I would say you are lucky to find your girl so early in life. And yes, you should absolutely be with the one you love and work to make the relationship work. All though one night stands can be fun and make memories, they are often empty and they get old really fast.
You can still go out and get drunk with your friends and have fun while in a relationship! So don't rule that out just because you're committed to someone. Trust should be there in a good relationship and you should trust each other enough to go out and have fun on your own time, independent from each other. Time apart is healthy and just makes the time you spend together even better.
So it's up to you. Do you WANT to be with her? Do you love her completely? If so, be with her. It would be silly not to be. If you're only half-hearted about this relationship, then move on and enjoy single life until you find a girl who really gets your heart beating...
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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